Reflections

New Blog

2010-07-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Just so everyone is on the same page. I have a new blog: twoostendorffs.blogspot.com.

I won't be posting on this one much anymore. Maybe every now and then, but just wanted to inform everyone! :-)

The Faith of a Child

2009-10-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is my beautiful cousin Kelsey:

6 months ago, this is what she looked like due to aplastic anemia:

I've been keeping up with her story through her carepages blog. She's been on a roller coaster ride battling this disease. There was a moment when we all thought she was healthy again and would be able to live a relatively normal life, but that's no longer the case. Yet despite all that, this 9 year old still her faith never wavers. Here's an abbreviated version of what she said in her latest update:

"My cheeks are chubby. I think I will be Sandy (the squirel off of Sponge Bob) for Halloween. Dr. Radhi even said I have a little belly. I have only gained 2 pounds but it all went in my cheeks, so now I am up to 57 pounds. I went to church tonight and said a little prayer. God is watching out for me I know, but I wish he could send me a note telling me what is His plans. Please continue to pray for me and my family and my hospital and carepage friends Matthew, Lillie, Claire, Jordan, Fred, Josef, Bill, Sergio, RC, Alex, Amanda, Gavin, Maddie, Kenna (who just found out after a year of waiting she has a bone marrow door) and everyone else that I might have forgot to mention. Take care."

If anyone has reason to be bitter and angry at God, she does. Her little 9 year old body has gone through so much, she's had more blood taken than anyone I know (not only that, but she knows how to take her own blood :-). Impressive, I know!). I've learned alot from her on what it looks like to have life turned upside down, yet handle it with grace and a trust in God that is amazing! And through it all, she still thinks about others. She could be so self absorbed, but no, she's even more aware of what others are going through.

Just wanted to brag on her :-)

"The Motions" by Matthew West

2009-09-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

The Gourd Stealers…

2009-09-13T14:08:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was in Tulsa with Kristen visiting my sister and her husband. On Saturday we decided to go to the Philbrook (an art museum). The original purpose for the property was a home for the Philbrooks who were in the oil industry. They designed the house and gardens in 1926 and spent something like 1.2 million dollars on the land, construction, landscaping and furnishing of the home. Several years later the home was gifted to the art community for a museum. They have some beautiful gardens there. One of the side gardens was full of vegetables that the museum donates to the food bank in Tulsa. It was a fun way to design a vegetable garden. They had these gourd vines crawling up terraces that were situated over benches. The gourds were hanging down and it was just a pretty display.

Once we were done walking around the garden we went back inside the museum and looked out the window to see a guy climb up one of the terraces and pulling two gourds down. He handed them to his mom. Now, just in case you think this is okay, let me assure you, it’s not. They have guards walking around to make sure people don’t disturb the statues, plants and vegetables. I also think it’s important to mention that the window we’re looking through is a HUGE floor to ceiling window that’s tinted so we can see out, but they can’t see in. Okay, back to the story…

So this mom and her son are walking when a guard starts coming towards them…this is when we all took seats to watch the confrontation. The guard was casually walking towards them saying something, and they picked up their pace and headed towards a corner of the garden that connects with a fence outside. When they reappeared, they were gourd-less. The guard finally reached them, we almost starting cheering until we surmised the guard was simply letting people know it was time for the building to close. Confused at how easily the gourd thieves gave up they bounty we continued to watch, finally realizing they had put the gourds on the other side of the fence and were going to pick them up on their way out.

We booked it outside to see if our theory was correct and there sitting outside the fence were two gourds. We turned around the saw the gourd thieves walking towards the parking lot, car keys in hand. We all looked at each other thinking, “what should we do?” We didn’t want to leave the gourds there and let them get away with stealing, neither did we have time to find a guard. So, in a quick decision I ran towards the gourds, picked them up and ducked around a corner of the fence, fairly out of sight of traffic leaving the building. Nate stood by keeping a look out for the thieves, while Val and Kristen headed back towards the car. It felt like a movie…wish it could have been captured on film. I carefully placed a gourd on the other side of the fence and then using that one-hand then the other method I walked it down to the ground and shoved it out of reach. I was just walking the second gourd down when I hear a whistling noise. Assuming it was Nathan’s way of warning me to get out of there, I quickened my pace. Satisfied both gourds were out of reach, I ran back towards Nathan. I made it to him as the thieves were driving up in their truck. We casually walked back towards our car until we got around the concrete fence, then ran to the car, got in as quickly at possible, and exited the grounds.

Hearts pounding we all exchanged looks of, “did that really just happen?” Then we all started laughing, wishing we had gotten video, or at least photos, yet very glad to be away from the gourd thieves!!

Missing Kenya

2009-08-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

I had to opportunity to hang out with an old friend the other night and he asked me about my trip to Kenya. It'd been a few months since someone had asked me to share my experiences and stories. My heart started to pound and I could hardly sit still as stories poured out about the people I still dearly love.

I had forgotten how much I love Kenya. I had forgotten how passionate I am about orphans and street kids, especially the girls. Not really forgotten...I think about Kenya everyday. I suppose it's more that I've become accustomed to pushing past those feelings so I can be fully present in Texas.

My heart is heavy tonight as I reflect on memories, picture faces, and relive adventures. Why am I still in America? I ask myself that question every day and still have only the certainty that for this period, I need to be here. I don't know why. I don't know how long it will last. But I do know that I hope it goes by quickly.

Opportunities

2009-07-26T23:30:00.001-07:00

Last week and this current week have already been full of opportunities to share God's love and His story.

Last week, during cabin devotions all of the counselors shared their testimonies with the campers on separate nights. One of the nights (actually, my last night in the cabin due to my illness) I was spontaneously asked to share my testimony. That was an experience! It was just a random night and I had no idea it was coming. All I know is I heard the head counselor say my name, then saw several hands raised around the room. I looked at the translator who had graciously come in so I could hear everyone's story and understand what was happening...she looked at me and smiled, then proceeded to tell me that a vote had just been taken on whether or not the girls wanted to hear my story.

I was overwhelmed! The girls wanted to hear my story! Then a terrible realization hit me: I had no voice. See, I had a terrible, deep chest cough last week and had ruined my voice that day. I panicked for a second trying to figure out what to do, then realized the only thing I could do was pray. So I did, "Lord, if You want me to share my story then I need my voice. Can I have it back for just this time?" I coughed a few times and tried to speak...nothing. So said another quick prayer and tried again...nothing. I smiled at the group as a way of apologizing then started coughing again and suddenly I could speak. Such a miracle!!

After sharing my story I randomly asked if the girls had any questions...almost every hand in the room went up. I laughed because asking for questions was just a random thought, but one that, as a friend would was was "straight from the Lord". After answering dozens of questions about my life story it was well past curfew, 2 hours past in fact, but the time was so worth it. When we got ready for bed, my voice was once again gone. God simply allowed me to speak for that short time and I'm so thankful.

This is a new week, with new campers and already I've had the opportunity to share piece of my story. I always wear a toe ring that says "love never fails". It's been on my toe for five years now and many conversations about love have sparked from people noticing it. Today was no different. I was sitting outside, reading my Bible when two girls from my cabin came up and sat next to me. Almost immediately, one of them looked at my toe, read it then asked, "why do you wear that?" We got into a great conversation about God's unconditional love which was difficult for her to understand because her parent's are divorced, so in her mind, love fails often. She'd never imagined what unconditional love was, it was such a blessing to be able to have that conversation!

English classes

2009-07-23T02:24:00.000-07:00

These are the girls in my English class. They're so precious!!

We've been having fun in English class. It's so encouraging to watch their confidence grow as they speak during class.

Today we practiced ordering food from a menu and then paying for it. It was so funny to watch the girls look over a menu and try to sort through the vocabulary they knew about food, then piece it together with what they saw on the menu. For being 13, they're all brilliant!!

One day this week we worked on parts of the body to make sure they understood...they had fun with the sticky notes! The boys (obviously) didn't get into it as much as the girls did.

A normal day at camp looks like this:
7:00- Aerobics or Polar Bear Swim
8:00- Breakfast
9:15- English Class #1
11:00- Teacher Meeting
12:30- Lunch
1:00- Teacher Prep Time
2:30- Free Time
4:30- English Class #2
6:00- Supper
7:45- Evangelism Meeting
9:00- Game
10:00- Devotions
11:00- Lights Out
12:30- Everyone finally asleep!

That a quick update for now. More stories to come!!

It's Different

2009-07-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

After being in Hungary for a few days the differences between the American culture and Hungarian culture really start to stand out:

After showering today one of the girls asked me if I washed my hair EVERY DAY?! That was weird to them and I had to listen to her explain (in Hungarian so I could only understand her hand motions) why it was so bad.
When counting, Hungarians start with their thumbs, not their pointer finger. So if you say "1" and hold up your pointer finger, they think you're saying "2".
Cell phones are allowed at camp. I've NEVER been to a camp in the States that allows campers to use their cell phones, but here you see campers walking around talking on the phones or listening to their music all the time. They even have to ask the students to silence their phones during the group meeting times.
Not only is washing your hair everyday odd, showering in the morning (like I do) is also a foreign concept to them. They only shower at night.
You ALWAYS wash the dirt of your shoes. Every bathroom has a brush that looks like a big toothbrush and all the students clean their shoes, well, at least their sandals, every night.
Chap stick/lipstick/etc., according to the Hungarians is also bad for you. I got bombarded by girls in my cabin trying to explain (again in Hungarian) how bad it was for my lips as I put on my chap stick before leaving the room.
The food...dinner is the lightest meal of the day. Tonight we had sliced white bread, a slice of cheese, sliced meat (ham and salami), a mix of vegetables (tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers) butter and jam. It was all good, but in my mind that's what I eat for lunch. Lunch was noodles with some stroganoff sauce, vegetable soup and white bread, it's their largest meal.

Those were a few of the things I've noticed thus far. More to come later...

Trip over, Coca Cola and First Aid

2009-07-19T04:09:00.000-07:00

We're in Hungary!! After leaving Dallas at 4:20pm we flew to Frankfurt, Germany. After going through security twice, we arrived at our gate we all sat down exhausted from the overnight flight. I went in search of drinking fountains to fill up our water bottles, Janet found three seats and took a nap, my mom grabbed a book and Rick decided to check his email. I discovered there were no drinking fountains in our section of the airport and went back to re-join with the group. After not sleeping at all on the plane, I took a nap and amazingly fell asleep; so asleep that when my mom woke me up to tell me she had coffee for us to share I told her that I was sleeping and didn't want any (that story was relayed to me on our next flight, I had no memory of it :-)).

It was getting close to our boarding time and the gate wasn't full at all, so wanting to double check, we went to the desk to make sure we were in the right spot only to discover we were in the wrong section of the airport. We quickly made our way across the airport to arrive just in time to board our flight behind a team of grade school soccer players who were good enough to travel internationally to play. It was a fun flight with all those kids on it, everything to them was an adventure to them. Every time we hit turbulence (which happened ALOT) you would hear them gasp, and conversation would break out anytime the clouds cleared enough for the kids to see the ground. When we finally landed in Budapest the kids all cheered (I'm not sure if they were trying to thank the captain and flight crew or just excited to be on the ground again).

We made our way through Budapest and I thought I was back in Kenya. Our driver was trying to beat the incoming storm and was dodging cars and mopeds left and right while laying on the horn. I was so sure he was going to hit someone that I had to close my eyes.

After arriving and lugging my mom's suitcases up to her room, I went to go find where I was staying only to realize the storm was here. I grabbed my suitcase and walked outside only to hear this ruckus coming from "the castle" (pictured above and below) and turned in time to duck as this gigantic piece of plastic came barreling towards me. Part of the building is under construction and the wind was so strong it had been ripped off. After catching my breath one of the staff members came running towards me yelling "get in the car! get in the car!" I turned to head towards the car and ran while dodging huge pieces of bark and branches that were falling on my head, trying to knock me out :-). Once safely in the vehicle, we drove to the opposite end of camp and I finally made it safely inside a building!

As I walked into the dorm room I was greeted by 5 counselors who were enjoying their day off. They greeted me in Hungarian to which I replied "Hello, I'm Lauren".
"American?" they asked
"Igen" (one of a handful of Hungarian words I know). As soon as Hungarian came out of my mouth they got all exicted and started talking to me. I crushed their hopes when I explained I only knew English.
We all just looked at each other, then one of the girls pointed to my shirt and said, "Coca Cola in America?"
"Yes" I replied
"In Hungary" there, we had found a common thread between us and that's all it took. At that moment I was very thankful Coca-Cola is universal and knew we could overcome the language barrier.

I spend the rest of the afternoon laughing with the girls as we all tried to communicate with our limited knowledge of each other's languages mostly understanding through body language and motions we would come up with. Then it was time for supper. I sat witht the girls who introduced me to one of their English speaking friends and we were able to confirm or correct what we all knew about each other. After a meal of grilled chicken and sausage, some vegetable mix with lot of maynaisse and white bread we made our way back to the dorm where one of the girls pulled "Uno" out of her bag. I spent the next hour learning how to play Uno by their rules (I lost every game except the last one), and learned the Hungarian for red, green, blue and yellow :-). Then I taught them how to play "Go Fish" and we worked on their English numbers.

Once the girls headed off to their counselors meeting I started making my bed and organizing my stuff when another girl came limping into the dorm. Thankfully she spoke some English so I was able to ask her what was wrong. She had been walking around barefoot and had several splinters in her toe. I went to get my tweezers and offered my assistance. She accepted and as I was pulling splinters out she asked if I was a doctor. I laughed, and said "no" then giggled again. She asked me why I was laughing. I thought about it and said, "I never thought about having to use my first aid here so I think it's funny that God likes to remind me that I can use it anywhere." She seemed to understand. I had her bandaged up and out the door in 20 minutes where I finished unpacking and finally fell into bed at 9pm and slept solidily through the night, didn't even hear the girls come back into the room.

The kids come today!! Whoo Hoo!!

There's Wi-Fi in "the castle" (which I didn't know about) so I should be able to blog/email fairly regularly.

to live is _ and to die is _

2009-07-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had those moments when you question why you're doing something, or how you got involved? That happened to me tonight.

Tonight was the last night of Celebration with our refugee kids and it was a rough night. The entire evening I was talking to kids about their attitudes, mostly their ungratefulness. No matter what we do, or what snack we have, or how many volunteers there are the kids ALWAYS complain. Tonight it was the worst. We had planned a special night for the kids. After playing games and talking in small groups we ended with a pizza party and chocolate chip cookies. The kids got one slice of pizza and two cookies each and all they could do was complain, "I don't like this kind of pizza/cookie"or, "the pizza is cold" or, "the cookies aren't warm". I just wanted to take it all back. In reality, I wanted to make them all sit down and give them a speech about their attitudes, but settled for one on one interaction with several individuals instead.

At the end of the night all the volunteers just sat down and we all felt discouraged. We didn't commit 3 hours each Monday night to hear, "I hate you!" or be cussed out by kids. None of us came to break-up fights or try to maintain peace. Or did we? As we talked about why we were there I started searching my own motives and realized part of me came because I wanted to make a difference. I came because I thought I could be an asset, because working with kids from Africa fulfilled a need I had. However, I kept coming back because I belong to a Lord who desires for all of those kids to know Him.

Philippians 1 talks about the gospel being preached for two motives, a right one and a wrong one, but that Christ can use both. Verse 21 says, "for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain". I had a professor in college who once wrote that verse out on a white board with two blank spaces: for me, to live is _____ and to die is ______. As we talked about this verse she said something I'll never forget, "unless the first blank is Christ, the second will never be gain." That was a reality for me tonight. Through all the hardships and attitudes, during all the times I've been spit on, cussed out and flipped off, at the end of the day, if I endured it all for Christ then it wasn't for loss, but for gain.

It was a hard truth to remember during a rough night, but also encouraging and challenging.

I know the kids enjoyed celebration, I know they want to come and I know they talk about it when they get home. We made a difference, even if it doesn't seem like it, even if it seems like no ground was gained, if we were all their for God's glory and not our own, then we succeeded!

"Auntie L"

2009-06-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

I love being called "Auntie L", it makes my heart so joyful and brings back such pleasant memories. That, among others, is one of the reasons why I love the refugees.

They're such a funny bunch. No matter what you do with the kids they always say, "it's BORING" (I've always despised that word). Yet, when you bring them back home, they can do nothing but talk about how much fun they had. Go figure!

They're also a rowdy group. Last week I lost it and definitely yelled at them. This week as one of the older girls was getting on the bus, she found me and said,
"Auntie L, you’re the one who yelled at us that first day at camp, right?” (camp is what they call West Dallas).
“Yes, I am." I replied, feeling remorseful for my actions, yet at the same time, knowing they behaved much better the rest of the day. "Do you think I was wrong to yell at you?” I asked?
“No, we was being bad...you probably shoulda’ yelled at us sooner”
Such blatant honesty! I loved it and that comment most definitely brought a smile to my face.

Unfortunately, that smile was quickly wiped away as some older boys try to get on the bus. That was an interesting experience. It was a moment I wish there was a man around because I felt very small and un-intimidating. Nothing dramatic happened I could just tell the three of them were debating how serious I was when I told them they weren't coming. The flirtatious teenage girls didn’t help my situation. The boys looked from them to me and replied, "What if I got on the bus anyway?" I hate 'what are you going to do about it' challenges like that, especially when I have no idea how to respond. I tried something basic, "it's not going to come to that, cause you're going to turn around and walk away" surprised my response came with much more calmness than I felt. They looked at me, looked back at the bus, back and me, then walked away. I said a quiet thank you to God and let out a HUGE sigh of relief. Here’s hoping they don’t come back.

There are times with the refugees when I feel at a completely loss of what to say or what to do, but I'm beginning to see a change in them. They still push the boundaries (just like all kids do) and drive me crazy at times, but I love them.

We haven't made much progress as far as getting them to interact with the West Dallas kids, but we still have 3 more days :-)

Through the West Dallas camp we've had 20+ kids (West Dallas and Refugee) accept Christ as their Savior. Praise God for that!!

More stories to come...

Prejudice

2009-06-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've had the opportunity to be involved in the lives of some refugee children and I've learned so much through those experiences. I've re-learned that my heart is pulled towards Africans, I can't help it, I just LOVE them so much! I've learned that I get much more feisty when I hang out with African teens (and I talk differently). I've also learned alot about prejudices.

On Monday nights I'm involved in a program called Celebration. It's an outreach to refugees in a certain apartment complex. The entire complex is government housing and I believe most of the families are refugees. Anyhow we go around to several different apartments where refugee families live to pick up their kids and drive them to Celebration where we have a snack, play games and have a Bible story. So, I'm hanging out with some kids desperately trying to play this game I learned in Kenya where you pull and push rocks in and out of a circle all while you toss and catch a rock in your hand. The kids make it look SO easy and either I'm really bad at it or it's not as easy as it looks (I'm hoping for the later). As the girls laugh at me when I again fail to properly complete my turn, I get asked to lead one of the Bible study groups. I gathered my 7 little girls and we walked to find a spot to sit down. I asked them to sit in a circle and that's when it happened...

See, one of the little girls in my group was Burundi, while the other girls were Somali and what I didn't know is that the Burundi kids and the Somali kids don't get along very well. "I'm not sitting next to her, I don't like her!" to which the other girls replied in some African dialect (I've also learned that when the kids talk in their mother tongue, it's because they don't want me to know what they're saying because they know they shouldn't be saying it in the first place). I looked at my sister Kristen and we had a brief conversation with our eyes, both knowing we had to stop this before it erupted yet not knowing how to. Then, Kristen picked up one of the little girls, sat inbetween them and that simple action made it all better. The Bible story that night was about the birth of Jesus and the main point was the Jesus came to save his people from their sins.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I've been privledged to take the refugee kids to a camp called West Dallas. This is what happened the first day:

I'm trying to organize 43 kids to get them their name tags, make sure everyone stays out of the parking lot, and makes it into the gym when 6 of my kids come running up to me, "Auntie L, we're not going in there!"
"Why not?" I asked, slightly confused
"Have you seen who's in there and how many of them there are?"
I stopped and turned around at that point beyond confused but not liking the way my kids just said them. "What are you talking about?"
"Them! (pointing to the African American kids from the west Dallas community) We don't like them!"
I just stared at them, searching for the right words. "You don't even know them!"
"We know what they're like."

Racism runs deeper that skin color. Some part of me always knew that, but I'd never experienced to this degree. I was shocked. Here I was surrounded by African kids who were prejudice towards the African American children. I finally got the Somali kids inside the building where they segregated themselves from the other children and complained about how unfriendly "they" were.

"Look, they're just staring at us. See this is why we don't like them."
I'd about had it with their attitudes at this point. A few of the west Dallas kids had walked over to say hi and my kids had gone off in some African dialect. "Well, what did you expect? You walk in here, take one look at them and decide to sit in a circle away from them."
"They called us ill!"
"Well, with your attitude, I'd call you ill too!" I stood up after that, not wanting to encourage this segregation anymore.
"No, you wouldn't. You love us."
"Yes, I do. But right now, I really don't like your attitude so I'm going to talk to my other friends."

Their jaws dropped as I walked over to talk with the West Dallas kids who wanted to know why my friends weren't sitting with them. I suggested they go and introduce themselves and see if that helps. Within minutes they were all friends and apart from some of their clothing, you couldn't tell who was who.

I've gone through this process in one form or another everyday this week. It's the same kids everyday, and it still takes about the same amount of time to get them to see the world around them in a new light. You'd think the blonde, white girl is the one they'd have an attitude towards, but no, it's each with each other.

The encouraging part is that once they move past what they think they know, all the kids can be friends. We have another week with these kids, my prayer is that after spending two weeks with each other they'll stop letting themselves be brainwashed with what other people say and form their own opinions.

On another high note, the refugee children who come to West Dallas get to hear the gospel everyday and everyday I see more of them paying attention and asking more questions. It's not all cake and ice cream though. The other day as we were getting ready to leave, an uncle of one of the children came onto the bus and basically dragged his niece off. It was so unnerving to not know enough of the situation to be able to intervene. The lady who has been working daily with the refugees did all she could, but my heart still broke. Fear rippled through the bus as kids started questioning if they were going to get in trouble with any of their relatives for going. I was reminded in that moment that Satan will do anything he can to scare us away from God's truth.

Life is Rarely Boring

2009-06-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

This past week has been full of some adventures for my family...

On Wednesday my mom walked into our chicken pen to feed her chickens and saw this:

Yeah, not the sight most women enjoy seeing. She came into the house and informed us there was a snake in the chicken pen, of course we all had to go out and see (all of us being my dad, kristen and myself). The snake was VERY tangled in the netting. How he managed to get his head through and then get that stuck, I'll never know.

So, like all good Texas home school families, I went inside to get our snake book to figure out what kind of snake it was because I'd never seen one with his coloring before. Yes, I have seen many snakes on our property before, most of them have been found in our chicken pen.

After finding out it was non-venomous, we cut it out of the netting and my dad transported him to some location away from our home.

Last night, Dad treated his girls (my mom, Kristen and myself) to a Rangers baseball game. As we took our seats and announcement came on that the game would be delayed at least 30 minutes due to storms that were coming our way. We stayed, hoping the game would go on...this was the result of the storms:

Needless to say, the game was canceled. Though we did sit there waiting for a good 2 hours for them to call the game so we could get rain checks for tickets.

The rain persisted into through the night. The storms, just kept developing and dumping rain on us. They also kept us awake with incredibly loud booms of thunder and bright streaks of lightening.

Now, at my house, when it rains that consistently our back patio tends to collect water. When the water gets high enough, it leaks through our foundation and into our living room, soaking our carpet. In order to prevent that catastrophe, we have to sweep the water away from the door.

Dad and Stephen took different approaches to this task. Dad gets dressed for Niagra Falls. while Stephen thinks it best to take off his shirt to show off his muscles.

When it rains 9 inches in 13 hours, the water also collects in our front yard. The property around our house was structured so that the water flows from our neighbors property, into ours, then under the culvert on our street and to the creek a quarter mile away. However, leaves, sticks (and in our case this morning peaches) get stuck in the fence between our home and our neighbors preventing the water from flowing properly.

When that happens, we have to swim through the water and pull out the junk in the fence to let the water flow. The water was pretty high this morning, Stephen was up to his waist. The downfall to this task, all the fire ants and spiders are floating in the water and latch onto to anything solid they can find then bite. Stephen came away itching, and I was so glad it was him and not me!

Once all our tasks were complete and everyone's houses were safe, Stephen, Jonathan and I made boats and had races in the water :-).

It reminded me, life's rarely boring.

"You speak Spanish?!"

2009-05-30T19:16:00.001-07:00

Tonight Kristen and I went to a park where there was an event being held for some refugees. Funniest quotes from the night came from this 7 year old African boy.

Quote #1: I was talking to this little boy when Kristen came up and introduced herself and informed him we were sisters. He said, "you look alike but you're (Kristen) skinny and she (Lauren) is...well bigger". He has so much to learn about girls!!

Quote #2: He asked Kristen a question to which Kristen responded, "no way, hosea". The boy whipped his around and said, "Whoa!! You speak Spanish!?!" Kristen and I had a good laugh about that as we drove home.

Quote #3: As Kristen continued talking to him he informed her that she "needed to get some of the magical make-up he saw on a commercial on TV to cover up the red on her face." We didn't mention the fact that make-up doesn't really work like that.

Here are some pictures from the evening:

Change of Plans…

2009-05-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

Right now I’m sitting in very loud, crowded sports bar killing a couple of hours…okay, that sounds bad let’s try again. I’m sipping a coke, eating a spinach salad and thinking through the days events in a hotel restaurant that happens to be broadcasting the Lakers vs. Spurs game. I’ve recently come from crashing a wedding reception at the same hotel (there’s a first time for everything I guess). This wasn’t my plan. I’m supposed to be camping at Lake Tahoe with friends right now, so how to did I get here? Let’s start from the beginning…

How hard can it be to reach Reno? That was my question as I waited for my first flight this morning to leave the Dallas Love Field airport. Well, let me tell you, it was much more difficult than I anticipated and filled with lots of adventures along the way.

As I was checking my luggage I received my first clue that this trip was going to be more than I expected. I’m standing at the baggage check-in counter waiting for the guy to hand me my luggage claim ticket when he starts talking to me. I didn’t mind the idle chat until it turned into a pick-up line, “I’ll make you a deal, I’ll give you your claim ticket if you give me your number.” I was so thrown off guard that I just started at him blankly for a beat before replying, “how about I make you a deal, you give me my claim ticket now and I won’t report you.” I know that was kinda direct, but oh well. His co-worker was holding back fits of laughter as I walked away (claim ticket in hand) and I could hear the harassing start.

I laughed as I made my way to the security screening thinking, what a way to start this trip. I’m waiting at the back of a long line when another airline worker makes eye contact with me and waves me over to the express passenger check (a line I wasn’t supposed to be in), “you didn’t think I was going to let a pretty thing like you stand in that long line now did you?” I wanted to laugh. There was obviously something in the water at Love Field airport making men go crazy. I did, however, make a mental note of my appearance in case I ever need a self-confidence boost. ☺

I finally make it to my gate, got on the plane and flew to out first stop, El Paso after an hour delay due to weather. Nothing too extreme happened on that leg of the journey. Talked to the guy next to me, but that wasn’t a big deal, it was actually a really good conversation about life.

With no delays in El Paso, we continued onto Phoenix where I encountered another delay, this one lasted 1.5 hours due traffic control in San Francisco not having space for our plane to land. Luckily, they let us get off the plane and walk around the terminal, get food, etc.

Finally everyone gets on the plane and we start to pull out from the gate then the plane suddenly jerks forward and we stop. The captain comes on, “folks we seem to have an engine problem here, we’re going to pull back in the gate and let the mechanics take a look at it.” What passenger wants to be told the plane they’re on has an engine problem?!? Despite the engine troubles, I’m starting to get worried about making my airport transition from San Francisco to Oakland. See, San Francisco doesn’t fly to Reno, but Oakland does. I researched public transport to see if it was possible to get from the San Francisco airport to the Oakland airport. Thanks to the BART it was. The route normally takes 1 hour, 1.5 hours in rush hour. I’m an overly cautious person though, so I decided it would take me a full 2 hours to reach the Oakland airport. Perfect, my plane was scheduled to land at 1:55 pm and my flight from Oakland let at 6:05 pm. So during the planning stage of this adventure I thought that was PLENTY of time, even if my flight got delayed. Boy was I wrong. It took 44 minutes to “check” the engine. People started to get irritated, the AC wasn’t working and the plane was getting HOT. The lady sitting next to me was supposed to catch an international flight to London from San Francisco, but her window was growing very slim. She got off the plane to work something out with the airline, I hope she made it. Looking back, I kinda wish I had done something similar.

So let me update you, I’m now running over 3 hours late, my leisurely time window for traveling from SFO to OAK is getting slimmer by the minute. I could feel my heart rate speed up when I thought about it. I’d never been to San Francisco before! I was thinking it’d been a fun, safe adventure to take public transport, now it was turning into a high stress moment. Another lady next to me, grew up in San Francisco and gave me very clear directions on how to use the BART system. I was feeling a little more confident as I got off the plane and went to collect my luggage. I had 2 hours until my flight left, I was thinking I could dump the liquids that wouldn’t fit in my little plastic sack and just carry my suitcase on so I wouldn’t have to mess with baggage check. I knew I’d be pressed for time, but I also knew if I could just get to a Southwest desk at the Oakland airport, they’d hold the flight for me.

I’m waiting by the conveyer belt to get my suitcase, praying it’s one of the first ones off. Guess what happened? The belt malfunctioned, “something happened to the luggage belt?” I thought…at that point I honestly felt like crying, nothing seemed to be going right, all I could focus on was that it was another delay. Finally I took a deep breath and just decided I wasn’t going to worry about it. The way I decided to look at it was that if God wanted me to make it to Reno Saturday night, then I’d make it onto my flight. If not, then I’d soak up whatever He had in mind for me in the San Francisco area. After waiting for my suitcase to finally come. I made my way to the BART system, knowing full well I wasn’t going to make it, but thinking maybe God could work it all out. I successfully navigated my way around San Francisco using public transport and arrived at the Oakland airport just in time to see what I assume was my flight take-off.

I’ve been talking with my Dad this whole time who tried to contact the airport to let them know I was on my way, to no avail. He continually assured me that I was doing my best and that he and the rest of my family were glad I was the one on the adventure because none of them would have handled it as well. After another deep breath I approach the ticket counter and explain my situation. Thankfully, the man was very understanding and offered to book me on the first flight to Reno and gave me two options: 1, somehow get to the San Jose airport by 8:30 Sunday morning, or 2, stay in Oakland and wait to leave on the next flight to Reno at 1:30 Sunday afternoon.

I called my friend Hope and explained the situation. The most upsetting part of this whole adventure was the thought that I was messing up Hope’s weekend plans. She’d been working hard all week and deserved a relaxing camping rather than having to wait on me to arrive. I told her she could go camping and I’d just stay the night in Oakland, she laughed at me, told me there was NO WAY she was letting me in Oakland alone, and with no hesitation informed me she would make the 4 hour drive down the San Francisco to pick me up. Yea, she’s pretty much the world’s greatest friend!!

So, now I have 4 hours to kill in Oakland. What does a single white girl do in Oakland? She calls the nearest airport hotel that offers free shuttles to the airport ☺. That’s how I made my way to the hotel. I explained my situation to the gal behind the counter. She told me I was more than welcome to stay and then, with a wink, informed me there was a wedding reception taking place in the ball room. She pointed me to where I could change. How funny is that? So, that’s what I did. I had brought a dress, so I put it on, let my luggage behind the counter with my new found hotel friend and walked over to the reception. I’d seen movies where people did that, but NEVER did I think I would be the one to crash a wedding reception. I ate some food, danced a little and then left the reception. Wish I had taken pictures.

That brings us to now. Hope’s on her way to get me, it’ll be a late night for us, but the adventure will continue.

"What's Next?"

2009-05-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

It's a question I get asked almost everyday, "so Lauren, what are you going to do now?" or "what are your plans now?" Because I hear these questions so often, there are times when I feel like a failure because I don't have it all figured out. I have no idea what's next.I almost feel like people are waiting for my life to continue. Like I've hit the pause button for the moment and they're ready for me to get on with it. I'm waiting for someone to offer a suggestion after I tell them, "I don't know", but that hasn't happened yet. :-)

Questions about my future plans strike a nerve sometimes because I like to have things figured out. Believe me, I wish I knew what the next thing was, but I don't. I do know, however, that I'm not waiting for my life to continue, I know it's happening right now. However, I also know there's something missing. I'm doing things I love, but it's just lacking something I need. I just can't put my finger on what that missing piece is.

So, until that glorious day when God sheds some light on my future plans, I'm sticking to the knowledge that's He's in control:

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and
to walk humbly with your God. -Micah 6:8

European Adventures

2009-04-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

The trip started out with an interesting stop at Fry's Electronics to get a few last minute items. As Valerie and I are walking out of the store, this guy stops by the counter and asks the person who checks your receipt if he could hold onto his item while the shopper ran out to his car to grab his wallet. The store attendant gave him an odd look, said, "sure" as the shopper was quickly walking out of the store. Val and I get our receipt and items checked and started walking out the door as two men outside approached the moneyless shopper. It was one of those surreal moments when you feel as though you're caught in a movie. The forlorn shopper paused and looked around as if he was deciding whether to admit defeat or put up a fight. One of the two guys outside flashed some kind of a badge at the shopper and then other man approached the shopper. The shopper took off and about 2 seconds later was on the ground because of the other guys tackled him. At this moment, Valerie and are frozen trying to figure out what's going on. Should we call 911, say something, or just walk away? Option 3 didn't sit well with either of us, but neither did we want to get involved in whatever was going on. All the while the 3 guys are struggling, shopping carts are crashing, the men are yelling and Nathan (Valerie's husband) is telling us to "get in the car!" We were smart enough to listen to him, walked to the car, climbed in and watched from the window as the guy was dragged away in handcuffs and the Fry's started letting people out of the store again. No idea how that story ended, but it was an adventurous way to start off our trip.

We had fun in Ireland for St Patrick's day. The streets were crowded with hundreds of thousands of people. We met up with the Flannigans, a couple who my dad has supported for 35+ years and only met them once!! They were such a joyful couple. We also met up with JBU friend, Daniel Ostendorff. What would we have done in Ireland without him? It was an incredibly long, wonderful, green day. We found out that St. Patrick's Day was never celebrated in Ireland until the country realized it was a tourist attraction. We made a bigger deal out of the day than anyone in Ireland did. What was sad is that the story of St. Patrick is fascinating, yet no one knows it. For most people in the world, St Patrick's Day is about wearing green and drinking beer rather than about a man who knew he was supposed to spread the gospel in Ireland.

We then made our way to Paris. Here we have the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Valerie (who's goal in life is to have a cool handstand pose of every place in the world she visits) and Val and I at the Louvre trying to mirror the portrait entitled "Twins".

We had a fabulous time in Paris with Cyril and his family!! We learned Nathan can sleep anywhere. Cyril enjoys growing facial hair when he's on holiday from school. Funny story about this place. Kristen, my wonderful sister often has to use the bathroom which is both horrible and great on trips. Horrible because we have to stop, but great because everyone else has to go too, we've just convinced ourselves we can "hold it". So we tour this palace and once we leave the area Kristen announces, "I might need us to find a bathroom". Cyril (not being used to this side of Kristen) responds, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!? We just came from the bathroom, but we can't go back in now! Why? Why?!" Val, Nate and I are all just about dying laughing at Cyril's dramatic response. Nevertheless, he finds Kristen a bathroom then comes back and asks, "does she always do this?" It's not as funny without hearing his accent and tone, but you get the picture.

We met all of Cyril's friends our last night in Paris. Few videos below for some of our crazy times that night. And I apparently fell in love with a statue in Luxembourg gardens!!

Nathan and Valerie (well, more Valerie than Nathan) have this saying whenever it's time for Nathan to wake up from his nap, "Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey" It has no significant meaning, but Cyril's family LOVED it!!

We woke up the next morning and drove down to Marseilles where we got on board a ferry and docked in beautiful Corsica Island. Yes all of this is Corsica, beach and mountains with snow! One day we decided to hike in the snowy mountains. After Valerie and I fell through the snow, we decided to turn around. Then Nate fell through the snow up to his hip, CRAZY day!

Our final day in Corsica we drove to Bonafacio and were almost blown away!!

We jumped back on a the ferry to head back to France. That night, there was some mix-up with our room situations. The guys were supposed to have a room and the girls were supposed to have a room, however the ferry put 4 of us in one room and 1 in a different room. The guys room had 3 other French men staying in there. After the Nate and Daniel Ray tried to work it out with the ferry crew, Nate came back to the girls room (French guy behind him), as he opened the door to our room, all 3 of us shrieked a little to which the French man responded, "ooh lala" and kindly offered to switch rooms with Nathan =).

After a brief stay in Switzerland, we headed back to Belgium where we boarded our flight back to Dallas filled with lots of memories, tons of stories, and many more adventures ahead.

Giving Everything

2009-03-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

This morning the Sunday school lesson for all the children in church was Mark 12:41-44, "The Widows Offering". My mother, being the brilliant teacher that she is, decided make the lesson more real for her 4 and 5 year olds by giving them $.15 to either keep or give back to the church for offering. After telling them the story, she explained that each child could decide to give all of the money, some of the money or none of the money and it was up to them. One little 4-year-old girl immediately jumped up and with a joyful, excited smile gave all of her $.15 without being coerced. That started a chain reaction of several other children giving all their money too. Then a 5-year-old boy put an end to that trend when he decided to give just "some" of his money ($.3). It came down to two little girls who looked at their coins, looked at my mom, looked back at their money and without hesitation clenched their little fists tight around their coins and said, "it's mine". The money was given to them and they weren't giving it up. What's surprising about this is that one of the 2 little girls is what I would call a "spiritual child". She knows so many Bible verses, and Christian songs, but it's all head knowledge, the truths haven't sunk into her heart.

After each child had given what they wanted, my mother pulled out chocolate coins. For the kids who gave everything, they received 2 large chocolate coins, for the kids who gave some, they received 1 large chocolate coin, and for the children who chose to not give anything, they received 1 small chocolate coin. The point of the reward was for the children to learn that when they give everything they have, God will continue to bless them with more. And even if they chose to give nothing, God continues to pour out his love and grace on them.

As my mom relayed this story to me, my mind whirled with spiritual lessons. How often do I do this? How often do I look at the blessings God has bestowed upon me and think, "it's mine. I'm entitled to this!"? Regretfully, I do it often, too often. Rather than looking at what I have and seeing it as gifts from God; blessings bestowed upon me, I fall prey to the American mindset of thinking, "I deserve this!".

I just read a book by Rob Bell called Jesus Wants to Save Christians. In the book, Rob explains how God has always called His people to care for the poor; the widow, the orphan, the refugee. God blesses His people so they can bless others, so they can be His hands and feet to a hurting world. I live in America, a "Christian" nation, yet what do we do with our resources? North America comprises 1/5 of the world's population, yet consumes 86% of the world's gross product. Does that sound like using what God has given us to bless others? There are an estimated 6 billion people in the world, over half (3.5 billion) of whom live on less than $2 a day. What do we do with what God has given us? We use it to make ourselves comfortable.

I recently returned from Kenya and like so many other people returning from third world countries I was amazed at how people could have so little, yet be so joyful. Why is this? I think it's because people in third world countries who have what we would call nothing see what they have as a gift. They don't think they're entitled to more, they're grateful they have anything at all. I once heard a speaker call "entitlement" the seventh deadly sin; the more I live and learn, the more I agree with him.

I’m not entitled to anything. There is nothing I have done in my life that deserves a reward of any kind. So my question is this: what would happen if I start giving EVERYTHING I have? What would happen if I stopped clenching my fists tight around worldly things and thinking, “it’s mine.”? What would happen if I use what little power, influence and possessions I have to bless the poor of this world?

I don’t know what God has next for me in life, but I do know that a 4-year-old girl reminded me an important lesson this morning: there’s joy and freedom in giving everything you have to the Lord. No matter what comes next in life, I don’t want to hold back.

Being Back...

2009-02-25T19:59:00.000-08:00

I’ve been back in the states for 12 full days now. 12 days of seeing friends and family. 12 days of eating lots of good food. 12 days of processing. 12 days of reverse culture shock. 12 days of adjustment and transition. Though worthwhile, let’s just say they haven’t been the easiest 12 days of my life.

As I type I’m sitting in Coppell at my Aunt’s home listening to planes fly into DFW and wishing I could get on one and fly away. I hear cars drive by on paved roads. I hear the roar of the motor, the whisk in the wind as the car moves past the house, but I don’t hear the birds singing…I miss that noise, the pleasant chirping of birds outside my bedroom window. I miss the quietness, the way that nature sings in the morning and welcomes you to greet the day. The tranquility that came without hearing man made noises brought peace to my soul. I miss it.

I miss the simplicity of Kenya and how you make do with what you have. I’m amazed by the amount of “things” we have within our reach. And how quickly we’re able to get those things. You never have to go wanting. I walked into a grocery store today for the first time since my return and was completely overwhelmed. There were so many options of the same product, just in case you were unhappy with the cheaper version there’s a more expensive one for you to test as well! I just stood in the store awe struck for a minute or two thinking, “this must be what refugees feel like”. I’m also amazed how everything here is big. This is Texas after all, the bigger the better, right =)? But why does everything have to be so elaborate?

More than anything, I miss my dependence on God. In Kenya, especially my first few months, I needed God to get through everyday. I was continuously dependent on Him for every moment. Without Him, I knew there was no way I would survive. I had a hunger to be in His presence, to be in communication with Him because He was all I had, the Rock I could stand on, the listening ear when no one else could understand. He was the driving force behind my choice to stay. He’s the same God as in Kenya. He doesn’t change, but for some reason, my need for Him did.

Being constantly dependent on God, trusting Him with everything, I don’t know how to do that here. Nor do I know why it’s different here. I don’t understand how my inner need for God can change based on the continent under my feet. Life in America is comfortable for me. I’m encouraged and built up when I’m here. I know my family and friends love me. I know I have countless resources available. I know I can make a call and someone will be there for me. It wasn’t always like that in Kenya. There were times when I felt very alone and isolated and I knew all I had was God. I had to learn to lean on Him in a new way. And right now, I’m already turning back to my old ways.

America has a way of making you independent. For example: transportation. In Kenya, we relied on public transportation to get anywhere. It was that or using our legs for walking (which we did a lot). We were dependent on someone else to drive us where we needed to go, and trusted God that the vehicle was going to get us there safely. But in taking public transportation you have to wait. You have to wait for the vehicle to fill up with passengers. You have to wait at the driver makes countless stops to pick up people more people to put in the already full vehicle. You have to wait while he load or unloads something for someone. You have to wait as people pile in and pile out of the vehicle. You have to wait when they stop for gas. You have to wait at police checks. There’s just a lot of waiting involved. We could probably get places twice as fast if we had our own vehicle. But that independence wasn’t an option, you had to be dependent. It’s part of their lifestyle.

Kenya is also a much slower paced society. People run on “Kenyan time”, in fact, if you want someone to be at a meeting on time, you have to say, “that’s 9:00am AMERICAN time” or else you’ll have to wait. That’s because Kenyans take their time Rarely is a matter too urgent to walk past someone rather than stop and talk to each other. Community is encouraged through people not being in such a hurry. Contrast that mindset to the American lifestyle. I was at a coffee shop the other day and out of the 17 patrons, I was the only one without a laptop computer. In the coffee shop there were tables designed for 4 people, yet only one person would be sitting at them. I just laughed. Here are several people all quietly typing away at their laptops taking up every available table in the coffee shop (I’m looking for a place to sit at this coffee shop). No sense of community was fostered, everyone was in their own little world sitting at their own table, typing on their own laptop. This would NEVER happen in Kenya. If someone needed a place to sit and there’s an available chair at your table, they’ll sit there. It’s common, they don’t have to ask, it’s just part of the culture. It’s not rude, so no one will get offended. They don’t expect you to talk to them, or engage them in anyway, but you can. It’s part of this sharing mentality that America seems to have lost.

I’m adjusting and learning how to be okay with not being okay. Some parts of the American culture frustrate me and I continually pray for grace in my interactions with people. In 2 weeks I head to Europe with my sisters and brother-in-law for a back-packing adventure. I think it will be good for my soul to take a small vacation from this culture, maybe it will help me gain some perspective.

Currently, I’m living at home and waiting on God to show me what He wants from me next. I have no future plans, no job possibilities as of yet and I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m really enjoying having free time. It allows me to meet with people and tell my story, or re-connect with what God did in their life over the past 6 months.

This will be my last email concerning my Africa Adventure. If you want to stay up dated on my life I’m going to start posting blogs again on my blog site: raikesadventures.blogspot.com. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. It was a life changing experience and I couldn’t have done it without your encouragement and support.

I’d like to leave you with a few verses that meant a lot to me in Kenya and were of constant encouragement.

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete be being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2: 1-11

Performing

2008-12-15T00:14:00.000-08:00

"You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:15

In the passage above God is talking to the Pharisees about how they can't love money and God. He just told the parable of the shrewd manager and the Pharisees snickered because they thought they were capable of both- or at the very least they could put on a good show.

I was listening to a lesson on my iPod yesterday and the speaker said something that got me thinking: "If I perform for God, He'll watch me. Buy if I call out to God, He'll answer." For me performing for God is comfortable, it's something I've done off and on my whole life. When I was in college, for example, I was involved in EVERYTHING. I led a college small group, I led a small group for junior high girls, I was in a Bible study, I was on the student ministries leadership team, I helped plan and execute youth events, I taught Sunday school, I volunteered at the children's shelter...to name a few. And I did it all while having a part time job and being a full-time student. In each of those activities, if I could lead it, all the better. Why did I do it? Because I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to make a difference; to impact people's lives, so I got involved. It's not that my motives were awful, there's nothing wrong with wanting to impact people's lives for Jesus, or that my heart wasn't in the right place. The problem was that I was performing.

Now, granted, I learned alot through all those experiences that I value. I can juggle several activities and events at the same time without stressing out, I learned how to manage my time wisely, I read my Bible more during those years than I ever had before. However, I also learned thing from those experiences I wish I hadn't, mainly, I learned how to be a talented performer. I say the right things, have the correct body gestures, smile at the right times, give comfort when needed, etc. Again, none of that's bad and God has used my performance for His glory, but He wants more from me...He deserves more from me.
I'm tired of performing. I want to call out to God; I want to seek first His kingdom; I want the outpouring of His spirit in my life...I want more. I guess this is kind of my way of drawing a line in the sand, of saying I'm going to be different when I get back to Dallas and I wanted you each to know because you're each part of this journey. That's what the body of Christ is about.

So there's my newest lesson from the Lord...always a learner.

Traveling Adventures, Dependence on God, and Art Projects

2008-10-31T03:19:00.000-07:00

What does it look like? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. When I think about my life and how I live, I wonder what it looks like to other people. If the turmoil I sometimes feel comes through, or if I wear the “happy Christian” mask all the time. So, let me take this opportunity to be open and vulnerable…

This week has been an amazing time of fellowship with our group. We decided to put James aside for awhile and just come together, share what God has been teaching us, encourage and uplift one another, etc. We have no agenda for these times. We open in prayer and then often times sit in silence for several minutes…just waiting for someone to start the discussion. I don’t mind sitting in silence, but often times this silence is awkward. What makes the silence so awkward at times is because we normally transition from a time of laughter and jokes where everyone has something to say to prayer and then silence as we all prepare ourselves to once again become open and vulnerable with each other. It’s such an interesting transition.

Our group time in the morning is so unique because it’s unplanned. It’s taken me a week to get used to the unknown of our mornings, but what comes out of them is so encouraging and my heart feels overjoyed. This morning we opened with a song by Downhere called Great are You. The words to the chorus say, “Because I’ll never hold a picture of the whole horizon in my view. Because I’ll never rip the night in two, it makes me wonder: Who am I? What am I? Who am I and Great are You!!” The part about the horizon made me think about an adventure I had yesterday…

I accompanied Meredith and our social worker Ann to do two assessments on families yesterday to see if they fit our program. The first assessment was in a town called Kiminini. We walked what felt like a couple of miles to get to the home, because it was more in the village part of the town, and met with the grandmother and the children she had taken into her home, most of them aren’t related to her in any way, just abandoned children that she chose to love. The children were beautiful. Even in their tattered and torn clothing they had a joy about them and smiles that could brighten the room. Once we finished the assessment, we headed back into the town and then off to our second family…

We had never been out to this village before and had heard about the family through a friend of our social worker. The man who informed us about the family met us at a town called Burundi and led us to the home. To get to the village we had to travel across this large expanse of land (to me it felt like I was traveling across the country). It took us 1 ½ hours on boda bodas (bicycle taxis) with lots of walking uphill inbetween riding on the bikes. However, the beauty of the horizon surrounding me took my breath away. All around me were rolling hills that were a rich green because of the rain we’ve recently had, Mt Elgon felt close enough to touch, the hills were sprinkled with the tin roofs of many homes that glistened in the sun, the sky was a brilliant blue with clouds that were crisp and white…and I was sitting on the back of a boda boda arms spread out as I “flew” downhills and across the beautiful countryside of Kenya. I felt so small at that moment, yet so unbelievably special. All I could do was praise God. My boda driver just laughed at me whenever I would sing pieces of songs that came to mind or when I would just laugh for no apparent reason. The countryside and the beauty I saw in it made my heart so grateful that I serve the God who created all of it.

Once we finally made it to the home we met the family, did our assessment then began our travel back. On the walk back to the main road we walked by a school and a hundred of kids poured out of their classrooms when they saw Meredith and I because they had NEVER seen a mzungu (ma-zoon-goo: white person) before (that should give you an idea of how far into the country this home was). Meredith and I shook so many kids hands. They touched my face and my hair and we just thrilled to have the opportunity to interact with a mzungu, I felt kind of like a celebrity. I kissed on little girl on the forehead and all the kids irrupted with excited/dismayed “oh’s”.

When Meredith and I finally made it back home with sunburnt arms and faces we both crashed from the long, yet incredibly fulfilling day. I went out to our gazebo area to read for a little bit and started talking with one of our interns, Ina. We were talking about our days and somehow got off on the topic of independence. I had never realized how independent I had become until I got here. Daniel pointed it out to me within the first 2 weeks but it didn’t sink in until recently. Somewhere between my last trip to Kenya and this one I became less and less dependent on God and more dependent on my own abilities and myself. Having such love and wisdom in both my immediate and church family caused me to not lean on people rather than the Lord. I didn’t realize how much I ignored my need to depend on God until Ina pointed out that she has to depend on God because she has no one else; no family members who share her beliefs and no close friends because she’s followed God’s leading moved so much. She pointed out that the rest of us grew up in Christian families and therefore, were provided with other things on which we could lean. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaning on people, God created us to be in relationship with one another. But I do think it’s wrong to go to people before going to God and I’ve been guilty of that multiple times in my life.

I had a plan coming to Kenya, a plan I didn’t verbally acknowledge but one that I let my heart believe in. I’ve come to the point where I feel like I’ve finally let go of that plan and can once again fully trust and depend on God’s best for me. Amazing how it took 6 weeks of being here to once again get me to that place in life, but I’m so thankful. I’ve learned the lesson that God’s ways are far better than mine multiple times in my life…well, I guess since I have to continually be taught the lesson again I haven’t actually “learned” it yet, but I’m working on it. When I release my dreams and desires to God, He comes through in ways far better than I could ask or imagine. So, here I am, an open book, waiting to see what story God wants to write.

I’m starting a craft project with some teenage girls in the coming weeks. A lady from the Canadian team that was here always buys some African looking cards and bookmarks from a shop in Kitale when she comes. The cards are unbelievably simple and can be re-created by local girls. I’m going to teach the girls how to makes the cards, Sandy (the woman in Canada) will buy the cards from the girls. The money from each card can go to funding the expenses of a trade school for the girls, thus keeping them off the streets and providing them with a life they can be proud of. In turn, Sandy gets the cards at a cheaper price and can sell them in Canada to help fund future projects she takes part in when she comes to Kenya. I’m a little nervous about the project because I’m not an art teacher. There are moments when I can be creative, but usually only when I’m inspired. However, I think this is something God wants and thus He’ll work through my weaknesses. Plus, I get to invest in the lives of a few teenage girls here, that thought alone brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. We’ll see what God does with it.

That’s me, incredibly imperfect but wonderfully loved.

Finding My Way

2008-10-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up ridiculously early and decided to go watch the sunrise. It's was such a sweet time with the Lord. The sunrise was gorgeous. It was a cloudy morning, but right where the sun was coming up was a thin break in the clouds. So because the light rays could only break through that small opening, as the sun rose it created this beautiful orange/pink color in a complete circle all around the sky. Then as the sun continued to rise, the orange/pink color faded, but right where the sun was coming up began to glow more and became more radiant. To me that just spoke of God's love for me...it was one of those moments where I felt like the sunrise was a special moment between me and God, like He created it for me and if I focused on God I'll be able to radiate with His love. That might have been alot to get out of a sunrise, but it's true.

God revealed alot to me this morning but the main lesson was the fact that I can find freedom in Him. I had put pressure on myself when I first got here (Kenya) to be something I couldn't because I allowed myself to be trapped by the lies of Satan. But as I read my Bible this morning the word freedom just kept sticking out to me and I found confidence in the fact that not only can I find freedom in being who He created me to be, but that's what I should do. Why had I not remembered that before now? I don't know. But I realized that I don't have to change who I am because I'm in Kenya. If I want to say "hi" to people as I walk down the street, I'm should. If I want to call a cashier by his/her name as I'm being checked out at a store I should. I restricted myself to who I thought I should be in Kenya rather than who God created me to be.

I feel like when I got here, I was stripped of everything I held onto and found completeness in...everything except my relationship with Christ. The kids didn't run to me like they did in Dallas, I didn't have any tasks that I needed to take charge of and lead, I was just as new as everyone else so being hospitible was difficult... I never realized how much confidence I found in those things...I never realized how much I leaned on those things to find my self worth.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm strenghtening my relationship with God, building my friendship with Meredith, investing time in our interns and loving people. There were moments today when my heart is so full that I think I could have exploded with joy. Finding joy... no choosing decisely to be joyful through all circumstances is what I want.

I don't have to "find my way". God already laid it out for me, I just have to be sensitive to His leading and obey His commands.

My Contact Info

2008-09-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

The countdown is 3 days, 17 hours and 3 minutes before my plane leaves Dallas, TX on it's way to London for a short 2 hours layover, then on to Nairobi.

My family isn't quite as excited about my approaching departure as I am, but they're getting there.

God has been so faithful throughout the process of my preparation. He continual reminds me that He's in control and I just need to commit my way to Him and He'll direct my path.

Just in case anyone wants to know how to reach me while I'm in Kenya here's the info:

Email: RaikesL@gmail.com

Address: Transformed International
Attn: Lauren Raikes
P.O. Box 815
Kitale, Kenya

I also have a facebook account and a myspace page, just search for Lauren Raikes on either.

One More Typhoid Pill...

2008-08-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

My official countdown of time left in the States is 33 days. Just over 4 weeks before I'll be stepping onto an airplane and impatiently waiting the 19.5 hours until I get to set foot in Kenya once again. I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!

As I look at my calendar for August I'm realizing just how quickly that time will fly by. In between now and September 8th I have a girls retreat, church-wide family water park day, family vacation to Indiana and a wedding to attend. That doesn't leave me much time, which causes me to look at my list of "things to do" and wonder how it's all going to get done. But I'm crossing things off one after another (it's a great feeling).

One of the things I'm most excited about crossing off my list is immunization shots. One of the things anyone traveling to a third world country should do is get their immunization shots. Last year, I overlooked this very important detail in my trip to Kenya (I was uninformed of the importance). This year however, I'm prepared. 8 shots, 3 typhoid pills, and two very sore arms later and I'm almost set, just one more typhoid pill and I'll officially be immunized and get to cross that off my list of "things to do". Then I won't have to be a pin cushion for at least another 5 years!!

Working Through Faith and Trust

2008-07-31T12:06:00.001-07:00

This week my church suffered a great loss. Brian Geiger was an intricate part of Redeemer. He was not only a husband, father, son and friend but he was also a shining example of faith and grace. Brian was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had been seeking treatment. His battle was one my church family was deeply involved in. Several weeks ago he took a turn for the worst and had to undergo emergency brain surgery to remove the tumor. This surgery not only brought hope to his family, but also to the many who had spent countless hours in prayer. The doctors were hopeful he would recover. Wednesday night Brian got to see our Lord and Savior face to face. He was ushered into glory surrounded by his closely knit family who were reciting Psalm 23 and singing the doxology. To his last breath Brian was polite and gracious. If you asked him how he was (a question he undoubtedly was asked a hundred times a day) he was graciously tell you exactly how he was doing, always with a smile on his face and a trust in God that was remarkable.

My heart goes through a battle at times like this. I want to rejoice that Brian is no longer suffering. I want to be jealous that he's in heaven while I'm still stuck here on earth. However, in my human frailty I question God's plan, "are you sure you know what you're doing Lord?" because it doesn't make sense to me. I wanted a miracle.

While I'm still processing through this loss, I read an article about the rise of teenage prostitution in Kenya:

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jULzMcr9yht2kOPb_EEQt56B6f3wD928U1MG0

To read a child's account of her life as a prostitute because it's the only way to feed her parents and siblings...it's almost too much for me to take in. It makes me angry and it makes my heart hurt. Once again I find myself questioning God's plan. To me, my way makes more sense; it seems better. And I'm caught in the lie of thinking my way of doing things would bring God more glory. But it won't.

In times like this I find myself searching for the reassurance that My God is a great big God who is in control. I leave you with sections of Psalms 37 that spoke to my heart and gave me the reassurance I was seeking:

Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

A Foolish Thought

2008-07-27T02:59:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday morning at 10:45am, I headed to the office of Dr Crossin to get my wisdom teeth extracted. This simple surgery that normally lasts 20-30 minutes took 2 hours to complete because God decided to make my wisdom teeth very difficult to remove (the fact that I'm 24 just now having them extracted didn't help matters). As I was gently guided to the car by wonderful brother people's comments of, "you'll be better a couple of days" played through my head.

So I parked myself in a recliner at my parent's house and didn't move for 2 days (except to use the bathroom). Some of you may think I'm joking, but I'm not. I quite literally stayed put in that recliner for 2 days while my family (namely my mother) played nurse, I'm spoiled, I know.

It's early Sunday morning and I've progressed from the recliner to the couch =). Those hopeful remarks of, "you'll feel better after 48 hours" have faded as I cross off one more night of sleeping with my head at a 45 degree angle above my heart.

Okay, onto the story. See, my mom had been the one who kept me on track on when to take the pain medication and when to take the antibiotics, including in the middle of the night (I have an INCREDIBLE mom). However, since I had progressed to the couch, I also thought this meant I could wake myself up for my medication. A couple of things you need to know about me for this to be important

I don't really like medicine all that much, in fact, if I can avoid taking medicine, I will.
I think I have this inner need to be independent and often a "I can do it on my own" mentality.
God likes to remind me that I can't do it all on my own and need others...hopefully the lesson will stick this time.

After deciding my mom should sleep through the night, I got comfortable on the couch (head at a 45 degree angle), set my alarm and went to sleep. However, when my alarm went off this morning indicating the time to take my pain medication I thought, "I'm not in pain yet, I bet I can go another couple of hours." I know, I'm a foolish girl!! As I'm sure you're already guessing, I woke up in pain. In fact, I didn't know my jaw was capable of causing such severe pain.

Here's what I learned:

I make a very bad patient/nurse combination
I'm VERY thankful for my family's care, especially my mom's
Though my body would eventually heal itself without the pain medication, the meds help the process be much more enjoyable
I can't do it on my own and I need others help.

My alarm's set again for my next dose of pain meds, I don't think I'll be skipping out =)

It's been too long

2008-07-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Well once again I've been living life rather than blogging about it. Here's what's been happening:

At the end of June I led a mission's trip with several youth girls to the West Dallas Community. We spent a week loving on children in this community and leading a 5 day club in the evenings.

The weekend of July 4th my family headed up to Tulsa, OK to visit my twin sister and her hubby. The weekend was full of fun events: a musical production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, a frisbee golf tournament, fireworks show and a float trip. My family enjoyed the weekend, unfortunately, I only made it through the musical then got sick =(. Oh well, at least I was with family.

I got back from fourth of July and hit the ground running putting the last minute preparations in place for VBS. I had the privilege of directing Outrigger Island this past week and I got to see God's love in action. As adults and teens gave of themselves day after day. Whether they baked cookies, helped decorate the church, led a Bible study, helped with registration, etc. they showed God's love to children and did it willingly.

After VBS my family took a brief trip down to Galveston, TX to eat at our favorite restaurant: Gaidos, play on the beach, celebrate my parent's 31st wedding anniversary and celebrate Cyril (our French exchange students) 18th birthday. We spent 24 hours on the island, all got a sunburn, had a blast and my brother and I saw a shark while we were swimming in the ocean (SCARY).

So, that's been my life. Now, what have I learned from all this? i found this quote the other day and really thought it summarized my thoughts:

"What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things
instead of using people and loving things." ~Unknown

One of the things I want to do with my life is to live a life of love. I don't know about you, but I know I've been used before so people could love "things" and it doesn't feel good. In fact I still carry wounds from the past. However, recently my life has been filled with people loving on people and not caring about things, or what they get in return. It's so refreshing. I witnessed youth serve in West Dallas and do it because they truly love that community and want to serve. I've spent quality time with my family and I always leave feeling the unconditional love present there.

I know it's a simple lesson, but it's one I love to be reminded of.

What Happened to Knights in Shining Armor??

2008-06-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, I'm walking out the door of my apartment to head to work. My hands are full because I'm carrying a water bottle, my keys and a trash bag. I'm backing out the door, when this little girl runs behind me screaming. I thought, "where is this child's parent?". I turn around from locking my door and that's when I see it. The reason the child was screaming was because a snake was slithering down the hallway. Now, I'm not a fan of snakes, there's something about them that just creeps me out, but I'm not terrified of them either. I expected the little girl to keep running and the snake to make it's way through my hall. So I was getting ready to head back inside and call the apartment offices to alert them a snake was crawling around. However, rather than continuing to run away, the little girl suddenly stopped, blocking the only open path the snake had and just stood there, frozen and starting to cry. I'm on the opposite side of the snake and there are walls all around it, so the snake feels trapped. That's when the situation got worse...

The snake coiled up and that's when it's tail started to rattle. I didn't even know rattle snakes lived around my apartment!! So now, I'm in a bit of a predicament because I have nothing to pin the snake down with, only my trash bag. I quickly formulated the plan that if I threw my trash bag between the snake and the girl, maybe the little girls would run away and the snake would turn the opposite direction. So, I get as close as I dare to the snake and pray my plan works. Rather than the trash bag landing between the snake and the girl, it landed on the snake, only it's head was sticking out. I figured the trash bag was heavy enough to keep the snake stuck for a couple of minutes. So I grabbed the little girl, took her inside my apartment, and called the offices. A minute or so later, two guys showed up with all the tools needed to catch a snake. "Praise the Lord!! This is finally going to be over" was my thought. I left the girl in my apartment with some crayons and walked into the hallway to watch them catch the snake.

However, the guys who were sent to save the day were terrified of snakes. Trapping a snake doesn't get much easier than what was in front of them, but they were freaking out. All the while, the snake was wiggling it's way free. So I grabbed the tools, pinned the snake's head and picked it up with the snake clamp the guys had brought. Turned towards them and asked what they did now. They looked at me like I was crazy, and one of them looked ready to faint. "We don't know what to do, we could just let it go". That idea didn't fly with me. If this rattle snake was gutsy enough to slither into the apartment complex, I didn't like the idea of just "letting him go". So we decided he needed to die. I made the guys show me where they kept the gardening equipment and we pulled out a hoe. It took some convincing to talk one of the guys into chopping off the head. They wanted me to do it, but I couldn't hold the snake and chop it's head off at the same time. My selling line was "Either you kill the snake while I'm holding it, or I'm going to make you hold it", they quickly grabbed the hoe after that.

I threw the snake's head and body into the creek that runs behind my apartment and informed the guys that since they had now witnessed how to trap a snake they were on their own when the next one showed up. I picked up my trash bag, jumped in my car and headed for work. Quite the fun way to start your morning huh?? And I thought my life wouldn't be adventurous until I got to Kenya =)!!

The more I pondered the situation, the more I thought, "Why did I have to do that, I'm the GIRL!!" What happened to rescuing the damsel in distress?? Or participating in the adventure of capturing a snake?? What did the girl have to step up?? It's a picture of the world today, and the church isn't it? Women having to step up because men either don't want to or don't care? I enjoy being the girl. I would have much rather told the guys how much I appreciated them stepping up to the challenge of capturing the snake, rather than doing it myself. I miss knights in shining armor! I know they still exist and I'm so appreciative of the ones I know, they make me feel like a princess and what girl doesn't want to feel like a princess? I just wish there were more of them.

Did I mean to say that??

2008-05-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

This past week my sister and I were talking about the meaning of words and why we say certain things. It was an interesting conversation because I'd never given much thought to why I say certain things. Often times, words just come tumbling out of my mouth without me ever really thinking about what I'm trying to say.

For example, if something great happens in life, one of my phrases is "Praise the Lord!" But what do I really mean when I say that? Another common phrase I use, "bless the hands that prepared this food". But again, what am I actually trying to communicate? It's been an interesting thought process for me this week. I catch myself using all kinds of key "Christian" phrases throughout my daily life. Is that a bad thing? Not in theory, but if I'm not thinking about what I'm saying then yes, I do think it's a bad thing.

I don't want to say things because I know it's the right thing to say, or the accepted thing to say. I want to be specific and direct, I want to process why I say certain things and think about what I really mean instead.

A "Clean" Perspective

2008-05-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

You know those car commercials for some insurance company that say "life comes at you fast"? That's how I felt this weekend because it was CRAZY!! Random side note: I catered an event for the President of Mexico on Saturday night. Yep, how cool is that?!? I met him, served him dinner, and spoke the very little Spanish I knew...CRAZY!!

Okay, onto the point of this blog: So sometimes when my life feels like it's out of control it unfolds in a way that stresses me out. That happens because I let things build up inside of me. Rather than making time to sort through my thoughts and emotions, when "life comes at me fast" I just stuff thoughts and feelings away and keep running. Eventually, I explode. Thankfully that didn't happen this weekend, but I came close.

Sunday I cleaned my apartment, it was in a very sorry state. One of the things I discovered about myself in college is that my living area gets messy when life feels messy or out of control. I can only stand the mess for so long, then it has to get cleaned. So, I cleaned my apartment, and as is tradition now, while cleaning, I sorted through why life felt out of control. It's such a good, deep cleanse of my thoughts and emotions. Because as I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing that mark off my floor, I'm also talking to God and letting Him scrub away the stain I've ignored in my life. As God and I talked and worked through things, I often found myself taking a short break to write thoughts down. Very quickly, however, I would get back to work, knowing there was still more to do. I took my time cleaning. I was in no hurry and I knew I needed to process what was going on. There were some "not-so-fun" times when God revealed some "gunk" in my life and I just cringed. Wondering why I hadn't seen that before, a little ashamed of my neglect.

The cleaner my apartment became, the less complicated and messy life seemed. Amazing the change that occurred when I took the time to work through the "gunk" rather than continually walk around it. As I got ready to go to my parent's home I took one last look around my apartment, to see if I missed anything. While at the same time, taking another look inside myself to make sure nothing else needed to be addressed. As I glanced around an amazing peace just settled in me and I was so thankful for the new perspective.

Sometimes, it just takes time to work through the gunk in life. Though at times the cleaning process can be time consuming and painful, it's always worth it in the end.

Beauty from Ashes

2008-05-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a "blah" day. It was one of those days when I just didn't feel like myself and was just a little down hearted. The weirdest part of the entire experience was that I didn't have a bad day, it was actually a very productive day. I set a goal for what I wanted to accomplish and I got it all done and organized. But my joy was gone. For awhile I wanted to blame it on the weather. Dallas has now had 3 days of cloudy, misty, dreary days and I alway drag a little more when there's no sunshine. But it wasn't the weather's fault. Despite how easy that answer would have been, I knew better.

I got home, still in my gloomy mood and just didn't feel like doing anything. I tried working out, but lacked the motivation. I tried reading, but couldn't concentrate. I tried going on a walk, but it started raining and I had left my rain jacket at home. Nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted it to. So, what did I resort to? The TV. I mindlessly watched TV for 2 hours last night and though that distracted me, it didn't solve the problem.

Finally I sat down to write an email to a friend and just talk through what was going on. I felt a little better after admitting my struggles. Then I just stared at my computer screen and talked with God for awhile. Randomly, I felt the need to look through my inbox. Thinking "this is pointless" I followed the impulse and came across a YouTube link from a friend. It was a video of Louie Giglio talking about Laminin and it was a powerful message. During his talk the weight I'd been carrying around all day started to lift. As I listened to Louie describe Laminin, and how it's the molecule in our body that holds everything together I was intrigued. Then I saw a picture of Laminin:

In case it's not painfully obvious, Laminin, this molecule that holds us together is in the unmistakable shape of a cross.
The colorful image is the molecular structure of Laminin.
The black and white photos are actual pictures of the Laminin molecule.

It was a message I need to hear. I was feeling down because I'd taken my eyes off the cross. And just like Laminin, the cross is what holds me together, it's what keeps me going, it's the only thing that can turn my "blah" days into days of joy and thanksgiving. God's blessings continued to pour down that night as I strummed my guitar and sang praises to God.

I went to bed with a heart that was light as a feather because I cast my burdens at the foot of the cross. The weight was lifted because I once again came to the point of saying "I need you Lord". And I do, with every ounce of my being, I need Him to hold me together.

Awhile ago, I wrote a blog about Isaiah 61:1-2 which says, "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn," Today, I re-read those verses and continued on to Isaiah 61:3, "and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." God is good!! I'm so thankful He puts up with me and continues to love me, despite my imperfections.

Where I've been and what's been going on...

2008-04-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

The past two months have been some of the most incredible, crazy, amazing months of my life. I've continued to learn so much about faith and trust in God as well been unbelievably blessed and amazed by His timing.

Right now I'm in the middle of planning the summer for my kids at Redeemer. Between leading a group of teens to work with kids in the West Dallas community, directing a VBS-Outrigger Island, and a heading up a week of camp I've got my hands full. Add to that the culture study my sister and I are doing with my kids on Sunday mornings and well....I'm just busy. But I'm excited about the challenge. This summer is going to fly by!!

After the summer ends another adventure in my life begins...one that I hope will turn into a lifetime. We'll see what God has planned. I'm continually learning to trust in His timing and plan for my life. So far, I haven't been disappointed =).

In more recent news, this past weekend I was part of a wedding for a home school friend. Friday night, in place of a rehearsal dinner the couple threw a barn dance. Here are a couple of pics from the night.

Well, that's the quick update. I'll try to be more consistent with my blogging habits in the future!

incredibly imperfect, but wonderfully loved...

2008-03-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

I realized it's been 3 1/2 weeks since my last blog, which isn't terrible, but isn't good either. So, here's an update on my life:

March has been a CRAZY...AMAZING month!! Lots has happened in my life and God has been teaching me about trusting in His perfect timing.

I had a friend from Kenya come to visit me and my family during the first week of March. 11 days after he left, I went up to Reno, NV to visit him and meet his family. Without divulging lots of details, let's just say I'm excited to see how God continues to work in our lives. He's been in control the whole time and it's exciting to let Him continue to guide us.

I got back from Reno Friday night at 9:00pm. Then, on Saturday I had a huge Easter event planned at my parent's house. The event was a success because my family is INCREDIBLE and just somehow knows what to do without me telling them step by step instructions. They're such a blessing. While the older kids were hiding the Easter eggs, I told the Easter story to the youngsters and several parents, many of which had never heard the Gospel before. During the egg hunt, a few kids and adults came up to me with questions about what I had said. THEY WANTED TO KNOW MORE!! Does it get more exciting than that?!?

Yes is does...to top it off, I ordered an inflatable for the kids to play on that day (which was a huge success). I went over and was talking to the guys who delivered it and set it up for me. They wanted to know what was going on. I told them it was an Easter celebration. They said they didn't see many eggs =), so I got to explain that for my family and several families present, Easter is more than eggs filled with candy and a bunny, it's about the resurrection of Jesus, and that's why we celebrate it. The next day, I received an email from one the guys telling me that my family made an impact on him and he saw that Christ can be a part of normal day to day life. He said he's been burned by Christians in the past, but was thinking about re-newing his relationship with Christ. Is God good or what?!?!

The trusting in God's perfect timing comes into play in several areas of my life. One of which was the fact that I didn't want to leave Reno. Honestly (and selfishly) when I got up Saturday morning to get my parent's house ready for the event I was feeling a little sorry for myself. But God had a bigger and better plan. Why oh why do I forget that so often? I seem to have to learn this lesson over and over again. I think I know what's best for me. But thankfully, before getting frustrated with me God always extends His hand of mercy to remind me that He knows me better than I know myself. Sometimes I wonder why He puts up with me. =)

Well, that's me...incredibly imperfect, but wonderfully loved me. Have a blessed day!

Why??

2008-03-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

I was laying in bed tonight desperately trying to fall asleep but an advertisement I saw today just kept creeping into my head and try as I might, I couldn't sleep. As I was checking my facebook account and saw a new advertisement. Normally I see those "single" advertisements, you know the ones that say "find your true love now" or "have 5 guys compete for your attention". Today as I looked at the advertisement expecting to see something reminding me that my facebook status is single, I instead see "tired of being a fat cow?" Oh yes, that's what it said and it made me angry. What's worse, it made me question myself, the poisonous thought took it's toll. Seeds of concern and doubt were planted. And now I'm here asking questions.

Who says something like that? Why would someone advertise something so hurtful? Why does the world seem so bent on making women feel fat? Why do I so easily believe it? Why is it so hard to believe that I am beautiful?

So now, rather being in a peaceful slumber, I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen asking questions for which I have no answer. I'm all wrapped up in my favorite blanket which brings with it a much needed sense of safety, comfort and warmth.

I'm listening to the rain fall outside knowing there has to be some analogy there, but failing to grasp hold of it. Despite how upsetting the advertisement was and the questions it caused me to ask of myself, there's something about being still and quiet, just listening to the rain. Something about how rain brings new life and washes things clean. I know there's something there for me to discover, some new lesson about myself that I need to be made aware of, but it's just out of my reach.

I'm not looking for compliments or boosts for my self esteem, I learned awhile ago that God is the only one who can give me satisfaction and joy. Beth Moore once said something like, my time with God is like a bowl of ice cream (which is more than enough). He satisfies and sustains me for every day. If I get a compliment, or a casual smile, well that's just the whipped cream and cherry on top.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this blog is, because I haven't come to any conclusions. All I know is that this is something almost all women struggle with and tonight I had to wrestle with it.

The Weekend

2008-02-26T07:17:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was one of the craziest weekends ever, but it was great. Once a year some of my closest girl-friends all get together and spend 3-4 days somewhere. We started the tradition my freshman year of college and have kept it up. I've been to Jefferson, TX; a bed and breakfast in Fort Smith, AR; camping at Pedernales Falls, TX; on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico and this year to Fort Worth, TX. I look forward to these weekends every year and always walk away with great memories (and pictures).

This year was different from any other year because it was the last girls weekend with all 5 of us for awhile (plus, my twin sister being married through a new element in the mix as well). Anna leaves for 2 months of training at the end of April, then she's off to Thailand for 2 years as part of the Journeyman program with the IMB. We decided girl's weekend might have to take place overseas in the coming years considering out of the 5 girls who attend, 3 of us have a heart for missions and plan to be overseas within the next few years. We'll see how that dream pans out =).

Pictures from girls weekend will be coming soon.

After a wonderful time with the girls, I headed to the church to get ready for our variety night. I was part of two acts. The first, a singing quintet. The church calls us the "Fab Five". That's our entire church pastoral staff. From left to right: Blake Barbe (youth pastor), me, Josh Bailey (worship leader), Don Geiger (pastor), and Tony Gomillion (pastor for ministry development).

We sang Choo Choo Ch'Boogie, a fun up beat song. I think it was cruel to stick me next to the tallest person, oh well, I was thankful Josh was on the other side =).

The second, and my favorite of the two was a ballet routine by 4 of my little girls. They were definitely the highlight of the evening and stole the show. How can you not love them, just look at how cute they are.

Sunday night I got home and, after family prayer time, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

On a different note, things in Kenya have taken a turn for the worse. Though a power-sharing arrangement was agreed upon, and the position of Prime Minister created and given to Odinga, the details of how much power the position holds are not going smoothly. The ODM has declared that if a suitable compromise is not reached by Thursday, they will hold nationwide protests. The last time protests of this kind were held it resulted in the loss of thousands of innocent lives and the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people. Please pray that both opposing parties will reach an agreement and stop dragging their feet while the country they're fighting for power over hangs in such a delicate state. Continue to pray for peace for the nation of Kenya and safety for those there.

Love and Joy

2008-02-20T14:10:00.001-08:00

I'm part of a women's Bible study and right now we're going through Beth Moore's study Breaking Free. It has been such a good study so far and I've learned so much. This past week we talked about love and the difference between agape love and phileo love. I've heard sermon's about this before, but it was a good reminder. Agapao love is "to esteem, to love indicating a direction of the will, to find one's joy in something/someone, to love in best interest." As opposed to phileo love which is "brotherly love, to love with common interest." Agapao requires sacrifice and is a decision you have to make. Whereas phileo love is much more common because it is a common/shared interest love.

Anyhow, through this discussion about love, Beth quoted Oswald Chambers, "No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first." That quote made me think: "how satisfied is my heart with God?" Two friends of mine got married this weekend. Being part of their wedding day was wonderful and difficult all at the same time. I'm so happy for the couple on their special day, yet I become extremely dissatisfied with being single. God and I always have to talk for awhile after weddings =). During those talks, He reminds me that I need to love (agapao) him with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of my strength. That was a difficult task for me this weekend (though I think I hid it pretty well). However, I have the ability to love God that much because He first loved me. He demonstrates His love to me daily and it is every bit of the definition of agapao above. Beth Moore's discussion about love was a fresh reminder and I was grateful. Funny how God can use a video of Beth Moore to speak comfort to my soul.

Yesterday, a friend and I were talking about the Bible study and what we had taken away from it. We got around to talking about the joy that comes along with loving God. I love meeting people who I can tell AGAPAO God. I always feel blessed from my time with them because their joy with their Lord overflows. I so desire to be one of those people. To be a fool for God...that's my dream, what I daily strive for. I want to radiate with God's joy and love, even in the difficult times.

I'm still working through keeping my heart in the States and not overseas. Still learning multiple lessons and how to glorify God. If I'm here for nothing else than to learn how to love God, that is a worthy cause. As my friend Lara says, "If I can give no other objective or goal for my time at home, let it be that my heart presses on in love."

When Will It End?

2008-01-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of god so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" -Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)

I was out of town this weekend without access to the internet. For a few days I was able to pretend that this country across the sea I've grown to love was back to normal. Afterall, the latest update I had read said that Odinga and Kibaki had met. They were seen smiling for the cameras, so that meant peace and normalcy were right around the corner, right?

When I made it home late Saturday night and checked my email, reality slapped me in the face. Things did not get better over the weekend, instead they got worse. The death toll is now close to 900, and though the government was wanting to close the refugee camps this week, now they're going have to expand them due to the increased number of victims from this war.

What are the politicians doing to help? NOTHING!! Rather than discussing what they can do to end the violence, they just argue about who started the violence. They sit around contemplating what next barb to throw at the opposition, while the people of Kenya are in the middle of a war. One that seems to be spiraling out of control!

This is not a war we can fight with our hands, but it is one we must choose to fight in prayer. Praise the Lord that everyone in the TI compound, as well as all the children TI supports are safe. Please continue to pray for the safety. And continue to pray for peace in Kenya.

Here's the same verse, different version:

"That about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. this is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."
-Ephesians 6:10-12 (The Message)

World Mandate 2008

2008-01-20T13:52:00.001-08:00

This weekend I attended a annual conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. My first time at World Mandate was last year and God got ahold of me and changed my life. You can read previous blogs about it.

This year, the conference was held at Baylor University. There's something powerful about being in a room with 3,100 other people who are seeking God and worshipping Him. During the hour of worship I could sit, stand, jump, dance, raise my hands, get on my knees, scream and shout, etc. to worship the King, my heavenly Father. I love that freedom of expression.

This year I experienced a new level in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Saturday night, with a broken heart I wrote out this prayer:

Lord, my heart breaks when I think about the nations.

I'm blinded by tears from the pain and the suffering that is in this world.

There is a deep groaning in me for people to come to know You.

Here I am Lord, send me.

To the ends of the earth, to my next door neighbor, wherever YOU need me.

Lord, search me and know my heart.

I'm Yours, through the good times and the bad,

through the sunshine and the rain,

through the dessert and the cool waters.

You have set me apart for Your glory, use me as You will.

I'm here, and I'm willing.

I don't want to be lukewarm.

I don't want to be content.

I want to be a mighty vessel for You, a blessing to the nations of the world.

I'm broken Lord.

My heart is breaking for Your children to know You.

For those in bondage, chained to things of the world.

Lord, I want Your freedom for them.

I want Your joy, Your peace, Your love to fill them.

I desire for them to receive Your healing, Your restoration.

I want them to live a life of liberty, a life in adoration of You.

USE ME to proclaim Your truth.

It's the cry of my heart to follow You; wherever You lead.

I want to be a fool for You.

SEND ME!

After I wrote out this prayer, I crumbled onto my knees and began to sob before the Lord. I was hurting for people of the world who have no idea who Jesus is; ready to leave everything behind and jump on a plane; questioning why I was still in the states; beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision to stay. Suddenly, I began to laugh. In the midst of my mourning a peace filled my heart and joy washed over me. What a sight I must have been, red-eyes, tear stained cheeks, snot all over my sleeves...I went from crying for a good 15 minutes to laughing uncontrollably. All the questions and "what-ifs" disappeared and I knew that my time to go would come. I'm in the states for this time of life, and I'm going to learn and grow while I'm here while looking forward to what God has in store for my future.

A 3 Year Olds Wisdom

2008-01-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life I've learned that sometimes God uses the simplest things to teach me something new, or remind me of a truth. This happened again last night.

Fiona Bailey (our worship pastors 3 year old daughter) said "thank you" after receiving a toy from a friend without being prompted by me. I always make a big deal when kids use manners, especially when they do it on their own. So, once again I said, "Fiona, it makes me so happy when you use your manners. More importantly, it makes God happy."

Fiona then looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, what makes you sad?" We've had this conversation many times before. I tell her that she just made me and God happy, and she always replies "what makes you sad?" Normally, to this simple question I reply, "When you don't use your manners it makes me sad." But yesterday for some reason I decided to go with something different, "When the world seems all messed up and I don't feel like there's anything I can do to make it better, that makes me sad."

Then Fiona, in all of her three year old wisdom, looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, God has the world in His hands so He can fix it." Then she ran off to play with the other kids and I sat down, stunned at the simple words, yet the deep truth behind them. That's one of the reason why I love working with kids, they remind me what it's like to have childlike faith and trust.

This is Fiona, she's pretty cute and apparently full of wisdom =)

Letting Go

2008-01-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

It has now been 11 days since the rioting in Kenya began. 11 days of people suffering from the tension and fear that lingers in the air. Though just a week and half, 11 days is a long time to be living in a community where you're not sure if the neighbor you used to talk to is your friend or enemy. It's a long time to wonder if when you leave your home, you'll be able to return safely. It's a long time to wonder a riot is going to erupt and you're going to get caught in the middle of it.

Yesterday, (Sunday) I was starting to feel the weight of the 11 days, and I live in Dallas, TX, 8534 miles away from Kitale (I looked the distance up online). During the past 11 days there were times when Kenya came to mind and I felt as though I was just repeating a set of phrases without having my heart truly engaged. There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night, not sure what to pray for. Then there were times when I felt prayed out.

As I was sending out the latest blog from my friend, trying to keep others informed, something inside of me snapped and I felt like crying. I held off the tears until our family prayer time an hour later and I was talking to my family about it I basically just broke down. I realized it was the first time I had allowed myself to truly cry. Tears had trickled down my cheeks before as I read stories and looked at pictures, but I had never cried. My sweet little brother (i say little, but he's bigger than me, just younger) came over, put his arm around me and just let me cry. He was also smart enough to bring some kleenexes along with him. It felt really good to release it. I realized I had not truly let go and given it all to God, I was still holding on to some part of it, my dad called me out on that.

I went outside later that night with my guitar and for 2 hours just looked at the stars, prayed and played. It was so good for me. I was able to relinquish control, something that's not easy for me. But as I sat outside and looked at the stars I felt so small, and it felt good to be small. It felt good to let go. Surprise, surprise, right? (wink)

Today as I was cleaning out my collections of email, I ran across this chain letter. Normally I just delete them, but for some reason I decided to open this one. It's a prayer and it was a blessing for me to read and hit on several of the major points I've struggled with over the past 11 days.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

So, though there is still tension in the air. Though there are still police roaming the streets. Though there is still a shortage of some basic commodities. God is at work and He is good, all the time.

In Need of Prayer

2007-12-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

Friends,

Kenya is currently in a state of political unrest. I have friends in the country who are in need of prayer. Pray for safety, pray for wisdom, pray for peace.

If you would like more specifics visit http://www.dlipparelli.blogspot.com/

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Selections from Psalm 46

Raikes Christmas Poem

2007-12-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

Twas the day of Thanksgiving
and all through the house
The Raikes family was mingling
with Valerie’s new spouse

The wedding took place
on the first of September
Now Nathan Cozart is our fam’s newest member

Nathan and Val live in Tulsa, O.K.
He designs airplanes, and she’s a T.A.
(teacher’s assistant)

Kristen graduated in May from John Brown
She’s co-teaching with mom livin’ in her home town

Working away to pay off her school loans
Then out to the mission field she will roam

Stephen spent his summer
at Camp War Eagle again
Impacting kids for Christ
at this place where he’d been

Performing in musicals for FMT
While attending school
at Criswell and Cedar Valley

Jonathan is also a star on the stage
Frisbee golfing and swing dancing
…it’s all the rage

After receiving his high school diploma in May
He now goes to Cedar Valley every day

Mom and Dad have been busy indeed
With weddings, a surgery and 5 mouths to feed

Before planning Val’s wedding
Mom directed VBS
With 7 classes at 2 co-op’s,
she’s not getting much rest

Still teaching Sunday school,
still hanging with friends
To all of you and your families,
much love she sends

Dad tore a leg muscle and had surgery in June
But he’s moving around
and back singing his tunes

After graduating 2 kids
and giving a daughter away
He’s back at work with his hands every day

Now on to me, oldest kid of this bunch
In May to Kenya, I flew in a crunch

After my travels to kids overseas
I took a job at Redeemer,
and now own church keys

That is the update on life with the Raikes
We spent Thanksgiving with Grandpa
(who makes no mistakes)

We hope and pray your light shines for our Lord
If so, know in heaven your treasures are stored

That is the end of this note I will write
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Blind-Sided Christmas Joy

2007-12-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

Odd title, I know, but you'll understand more as you read.

Tuesday morning I woke up and felt the strong need to pray for pre-teen girl, we'll call her Susan. I had been over to Susan's house Monday night to watch her and her younger siblings while her parents went out on a date. Susan's struggling through the need to have "things" and the fact that those "things" bring her happiness. The temporary things of this world have caught her eye and she's seeking them for her joy and satisfaction in life and it's hard to watch. It's hard for me because I see a girl with influence who could make such an impact for Christ if she'll only trust in Him to fill her with joy.

Throughout the morning Susan was on my heart, then I get a call from my sister and brother telling me that I need to pray for Jonathan and a friend of his. That's it, no explanation, no specifics, just the fact that I needed to pray. The urgency of the situation suddenly overcame me so I closed the door to my office, got down on my knees and started fervently praying for my brother. I continued in this manner all day. As the situation would come back to mind or I would become fearful of what circumstances caused this sudden plea for prayer, I would drop down on my knees praying for strength and courage for all parties involved in the situation, including myself. I had to keep reminding myself that God has not given me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and love and self-discipline and I should not be afraid because He's got it under control.

At 8pm that night I finally heard the cause for my prayers. Due to the delicateness of the situation, I can't share the details but it knocked the wind out of me. I had not been supportive of Jonathan in this particular situation, I felt like my brother and I were in this constant struggle because, in my mind, he wouldn't see reason. God definitely humbled me and my judgmental heart Tuesday evening. The situation was partially what I had feared, but hadn't had confirmed. It reminded me of all the hurt and pain that my friends and my siblings friends could be hiding; the secrets that their pride and fear of "what if's" does not allow to be shared. It brought with it an urgency and renewal to be Christs hand's and feet to a hurting world; to be His comforting arms embracing each broken and hurting person that needs Christ's love more than anything.

As if I needed more to contemplate this week, the fact that I was blind-sided this holiday season shook me out of the American "Christmas Spirit". As I sat in my apartment last night thinking of ways to show God's love to these two people a night long ago abruptly came back to mind. In a cave, on a cold night, on the outskirts of a small town, God Himself breathed his first breath of air. There were no comforts, no nurses, no doctors, no bed, no diapers, no medicine for Mary, no money from Joseph, and no room for them in the Inn. They had sheep. They had smelly, stinky sheep. They were likely surrounded by straw and manure. God as an infant was completely dependent on a young teenage peasant girl for everything. As the story flooded my mind I was reminded me of how much God loves the world and how much He sacrificed to display that unconditional love.

It brought me back to why I celebrate this season. It's not the fact that it gets cold outside, I can finally wear my winter wardrobe. It's not because I can drink hot drinks and sit by a fire. It's not because neighborhoods become friendly and colorful with the twinkle of Christmas lights. It's not that my family comes together. It's not because I get time off work, or gifts, or an abundance of cookies, food, and free holiday performances. I don't get a warm cozy feeling because I simply like this time of year. Though all that is a part of my Christmas season each year, and though yes, I do enjoy it...all of it would be meaningless without Christ. I love the holiday season because my cup seems to continually overflow with joy.

That joy swept over me last night as I was working through a plan of action and just beginning to feel the weight of the task ahead. When the possibilities began to seem unreachable, I was reminded of what God sacrificed when He reached out to this lost and hurting world. God's love and power is enough. Though the road ahead won't be an easy one I'm going to face it head on, because I know I'm fighting on the right side.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about either of these situations. There are two hurting and confused people right here within my reach and I need to take action. Prayer would be greatly appreciated for both of these situation and for me as I seek how to implement what God lays on my heart.

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart (you know the rest)

2007-12-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been so full of joy you felt like you were going to explode? I had that feeling today. The past 24 hours have just been so full of life and love. I decided to lead a trip to Pachuca, Mexico this summer. The trip will take place in June and I had that feeling that I made the absolute right decision when I committed. After my normal busy Wednesday night ministries, I went to coffee house. It’s a college/singles ministry my church has on Wednesday nights. It was open mic night, meaning I got to hear some incredibly talented musicians and just talk and enjoy my friends all around me. I got to have 3 solid conversations with friends who I hadn’t spent much time with recently. It was such a blessing. I stayed until the night was over and left not feeling a bit tired, but so grateful. I came home and was able to talk to a friend in Africa for awhile, also a blessing. When I crawled into bed life felt so utterly complete.

This morning, I woke up before my alarm went off. Rather than regret my late night, I was full of energy and ready to start my day. I spent some quality time with God, and got to work early. I had lunch with my sister and we got to talk and catch up. She is on the ground floor of a Muslim ministry getting started at my church that several young people are involved in. Late this afternoon I had a meeting with our missions coordinator and Barbara Baker, she’s our missionary in Pachuca, Mexico. Talking to her and learning about the culture and customs, ideas for ministry while we’re there, etc. After my time with Barbara and Paul ended in prayer, my dear friend Meredith called and informed me that she had been offered a position on our missions committee. I left the church office feeling like I was floating on cloud nine.

I feel like our church is at a point of transition. We’re transitioning into a new generation. Leaders in my generation (my close friends) are rising up, and the church leadership is taking notice and giving them the leadership they’re eager for. And I LOVE it!!

The day was finished off with dinner with my family, then a little praise and worship time on my own at my apartment. My heart is so full of joy I can’t even describe it, but I thought I’d share my joy. I hope and pray your life is as full of joy as mine has been these past 24 hours. God’s goodness and love has just blown me away and I’m so thankful I’m His child.

The Waiting Place

2007-11-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read the Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places You'll Go"? I feel like I'm in the waiting place of Dr. Seuss' story. Here it is just in case you haven't, it's a fun book:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU  are the gal who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets.  Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,don't worry.  Don't stew.
Just go right along. You'll  start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true
Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF  you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
            
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a  train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a better break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some  times you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.

All  Alone! Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul
On you will go though your enemies prowl
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact
and remember that life's a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never  mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Right now, I find myself in the waiting place, and though I don't find it useless, I am ready to move on. There is so much I want to do with my life, but I feel God saying "wait". I want to go to Kenya again, but I'm not sure it will happen this summer. I was approached recently about leading a small trip to Mexico to visit some of my church's missionaries down there, so I'm thinking and praying about that possibility. The possibility just got presented and again, nothing is nailed down yet, but I don't know if I could leave in May for Kenya then turn around the leave at the end of June for Mexico. Plus, I don't know if I can take that much time off. And what about VBS?

If I could, I'd drop everything and move out of the US today. So, going back again, maybe even for a longer time sounds like my dream come true, but just because it's my dream, doesn't mean it's in God's plan for my life at this point, in the future, maybe (hopefully) but I don't know about
right now.

Obviously, I have a lot to think and pray about. A piece of my heart is still in Kenya, but I can't just discard the opportunity to lead a trip to Mexico because I love Kenya. This trip to Mexico could open the eyes of several more people to the world of missions and the need in third world countries. So, I'm waiting, for what, I'm not sure yet, but I'm waiting.

I know I don't want to do children's ministry in the US for the rest of my life, but right now, I'm here waiting on God. I've only been back in the US for 7 months and I'm already growing impatient for a response. I know I'm not supposed to stay here, but I don't know where I'm supposed to go. I don't even know if I should know where I'm supposed to go first, or if
I should just jump on a plane and figure it out once I'm out of the US. Right now, I'm committed to being here, in Dallas, TX, and waiting for God to answer. I'm just waiting, with the hope the knowledge that God won't call me to wait forever. I just need to trust in His timing. I'll leave "the Waiting Place" as Dr. Seuss calls it sometime, and then who knows where I'll go =).

on suffering (a blog from my friend Lara)

2007-11-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

Is there not wrong too bitter for atoning?
What are these desperate and hideous years?
Hast Thou not heard Thy whole creation groaning,
Sighs of a bondsman and a woman's tears?
-F.W.H. Meyers

"The problem of pain," as C.S. Lewis titled it with his book on suffering, has been rattling around in me these three months, knocking its way through the hallways of my mind, tipping over tomes of theology I thought I had arranged quite nicely. (I used that word for you, Andrew.)

I can't claim to have anything new--gosh, C.S. Lewis wrote a book on it. But here are some thoughts:

Pain hurts. And we do not know why. Why pain, why hurt. If I imagine pain's arrival in Kolkata, I see him holding a very large suitcase, a suitcase he immediately unlatched and shook, letting fears and tears and broken bones and hungry bellies scatter aross the alleys and streets of this city. Whenever I arrived in Kolkata, with my very tiny suitcase of hope and goodwill and dreams, I took one look around the place and wanted to sit in a corner and cry. Nothing I had seen in my safe and sterile past prepared me for this.

Pain and suffering aren't things the church talks about all that much. The American church the least, probably. There is no blame to place or finger to point. The larger part of our culture just doesn't have to--or perhaps more accurately, doesn't want to--deal with it.

In her book, A Path Through Suffering, Elisabeth Elliot writes this:

Suffering, even in its mildest forms--inconvienence, delay, disappointment, discomfort, or anything else that is not in harmony with our whims and preferences--we will not tolerate. We even reject and deny it.

This is me. This has been me even in India. Always looking for ways to preserve self, to settle myself in comfortably, to watch out for me. I do it so naturally.

Then I read snippets in the Bilbe, snippets that jolt me with their dissonance to the way I am living.
"though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials"
"in this world you will have trouble"
"but it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him"

It's like I am living in a different reality. When I live by the reality of this world, suffering makes absolutely no sense. When I believe more in earth than I believe in eternity, suffering sinks me. The ship goes down fast when I see children without mothers, men without limbs, women without escape.

Why pain? Why hurt?

Here I learn, some days most harshly, other days more gently, that suffering is something from which I cannot hide. There will be no cowering in the closet until all the dark clouds pass.

Elisabeth says this also,

"I know of no answer to give to anyone except the answer given to all the world in the cross. It was there that the Great Grain of Wheat died not that death should be the end of the story, but that it should be the beginning of the story."

I have nothing more than this either. Jesus suffered. Jesus hurt. At whatever depth to which the world's most intense pain settles, Jesus went to that depth. Yes, He has heard the whole creation groaning. Even this night, when I will try to meet sleep again as questions flit and dip through me, He hears.

Now, as He died, to change the meaning of death to a signal of life, of rebirth,

am I willing to die?

CPR, Frist Aid, Christmas Presents and Prayer

2007-11-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

What an odd title for a blog? How on earth do those things correspond with each other? Glad you asked, let me tell you...

Last week I made a morning commute through Dallas traffic to downtown Dallas where I took a CPR Instructor class. The class was from 8am-6pm, Tuesday-Friday and was mostly lecture (a fact I was unaware of before signing up for the class). My motivation for taking the class has many facets.

I currently work at Redeemer Bible Church as their Children's Director and I want at least one volunteer in every classroom to be CPR/First Aid certified, plus I think it's important for our staff to be certified in case of an emergency.
I've been taking some kind of First Aid course since I was 13. Whether it be babysitters training, CPR, First Aid, Lifeguarding, Wilderness First Responder, etc. I've been certified in some area related to first aid, and God like to use my knowledge apparently because I'm continually having to utilize what I've learned.
Red Cross is internationally recognized as an "Aide" organization. My certification can grant me access into countries simply because I'm associated with Red Cross. I can also train people internationally.

All those motivators kept me awake and attentive throughout the class. I passed the test and now am I proud owner of an instructor card (which I plan to laminate). My certification allows me to teach a host of classes. From CPR to First Aid to Wilderness Training to Babysitters training...and the list goes one. Then one I'm most excited about is Wilderness Training, it just sounds exciting!! So that wraps up the CPR/First Aid portion of this blog, now onto Christmas Presents.

On Sunday, November 11th, my mother had the brilliant idea to invite our family over to stuff and wrap Operation Christmas child presents. I will do these every year because I have a friend who was in Thailand when the presents were delivered and her stories and pictures of the kids will always motivate me to participate in Operation Christmas Child. Anyhow, my family enjoys getting together, but we usually make it revolve around a holiday or birthday, so revolving it around a service project was new. The day was such a success!! We planned to stuff 4 boxes, 2 for boys and 2 for girls, but my family brought so many toys, pens, pencils, paint, etc. that we ended up filling 9 boxes and still had supplies left over! The day was made a success because it gave us a bridge to talk to my family about God in a non-threatening way. When asked where the boxes go and why we're stuffing boxes, my mother, sister and I were able to share bits of the Gospel with my family.

One moment that I stick with me for awhile was when my Grandma asked why we were stuffing so many boxes. My mother responded, "because God calls us to care for orphans and widows so we're going to follow His command." My Grandma was a little thrown off by her response, but it hit home and I was so proud of my mom for not taking the easy way out.

While this might not seem like a very big deal to many of you, it was a turning point for my immediate family. We're not stepping down anymore and settling for whatever our extended family will give us, we're taking charge. There's a sense of urgency now and I love it!! After years and years of prayer we're finally starting to see fruit. I was at my Aunt's house the other day to wish my cousin "good luck" before her volleyball try outs and before I could come up with the idea, my Aunt called us over to her and said, "We need to pray". I was almost moved to tears. That statement is one you would hear used in MY family, not my AUNT'S family. It was a joyous moment. We sat down and for 10 minutes prayed for my cousin's try outs and her ministry on whatever team she made.

God's faithfulness to answer my prayers shone through at that moment and it's sparked in me a flame to pray more fervently. I was talking to a friend who's also felt the need to pray more and she said, "when I want something in this life I keep at. If I want to meet with someone, I'm going to keep asking that person until they make time for me. But I'm not that way with God." I'm not either. I pray, but not with a sense of urgency, not with an unquenchable passion. When I lift up things that are specifically connected to my heart and life I feel a sense of urgency, but not with everything. It's a phenomenon I'm still dealing with. But despite that I'm committed to spending more dedicated, focused time in prayer.

That's an update on me. It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Pictures will be arriving soon.

God Bless!!

Soothing to my soul

2007-10-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been desiring a community of friends. I have friends in the DFW area, but they all live at least 25 minutes away from me. I hadn't realized how blessed I'd been to have a community of close friends basically dropped in my life all my life. Now, I'm having to search them out and was beginning to feel discouraged. Then this weekend arrived, and though I still haven't found a close group of friends, my thirst for them got a big drink.

My weekend started on Thursday. I took half a day off, and headed to the state fair with my family and friend. I hadn't been to the fair since my senior year of high school, so going back was different, but great. This is "Big Tex" every 30 minutes or so he greets everyone at the fair, he's been around since 1952, he's an old man!! Between the 8 people I was with, I think we tried ever kind of fair food possible - corn dogs, onion strings, tornado taters, turkey legs, funnel cakes, tamales, deep fried banana pudding, etc. It's been awhile since I've eaten that much grease, my body revolted because I didn't feel good the rest of the night. But hanging out and continuing to build up my relationships with my family and friends was wonderful.

Friday was supposed to be my night to pray for Muslims around the world. So, as usual, my sister Kristen and I jumped in the car and headed off to North Dallas. The problem was that when we arrived, no one was there. Jared and Bethany, the two people who are essentially in charge of this group got caught up in planning "A Night in SE Asia" for Frontiers ministries 25th anniversary and forgot to inform the rest of the group that we weren't meeting. So we all showed up, were all surprised that no one was home, but rather than go our separate ways, we fellowshipped with one another. Kristen and I stood around talking with Matt and Tabitha for almost an hour. We talked about their next step in raising support full-time so they can go out on the mission field. We talked about our passions for reaching other people groups. we talked about the upcoming "Night in SE Asia" that we're all attending and what we were looking forward to. The time seemed to pass by so quickly, and I was so blessed by our conversation.

After we said our goodbyes, Kristen and I headed to White Rock Coffee House to hear Matt Bridgman perform. We walked into the sound of many "hellos" from some of the college students who attend out church. After a round of hugs and brief conversations, Kristen and I headed upstairs with our hot chai to enjoy each other's company as well as the music. Much to our delight Matt's dad, Shawn, came upstairs to join us. As we talked our conversation turned from the shallow "how are you?" to a true "how are YOU?". What a blessing it was. We talked about our church and things we appreciate about the body, and things we would like to see happen in the coming years. We talked about some of our struggles in life and how it's okay to share our struggles with one another, that's what makes us part of the body of Christ. It was such a blessing to hear a father in the church had the same perspective I did. Kristen and I ended up venturing downstairs to talk with Matt's mom, Renee. Again, I was blessed by my conversation with this woman. We talked about missions and her passion for the world. We talked about our own passions and where we saw God working in our lives. She invited us over to her home anytime, and I know she means it. My sister has ventured over there before at 2am and walked into Renee making pancakes for them. All of these conversations took place while I listened to Matt play his guitar and sing. The final song was based on Psalms 130:5-6

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning
more than watchmen for the morning

What a beautiful picture of waiting for God. Looking for Him, more than a tired graveyard shift watchmen looks for the morning. That was just Friday.

Saturday, I attended a Mad Hatters Tea Party in memory of one of my friends mothers. Women from all mile-makers in my life were there and we were all wearing hats! It was a wonderful time for me to fellowship with other women and enjoy their company.

Saturday evening, I volunteered my time to Frontier Mission's 25th Anniversary celebration, "A Night in SE Asia" (mentioned previously). The dinner was held at the Gaylord Texan: Resort Hotel and Convention Center. I've never been in a hotel this big before, and truthfully, though it's massiveness was impressive, I didn't feel comfortable. It seemed unnecessary to have something so large. They even had a separate entrance for "Stars" I took of picture of it, just because it's not a sign you see everyday. But the hotel and convention center was packed. It was good to hear about what God is doing in other countries and to visit with people who want to change the world. I even met a couple who told me they were so encouraged to see so many young people at the event because they don't feel called to "go", but they can "send".

All in all, my weekend was jam packed, and I was completely exhausted afterwards, but it was fulfilling, and much needed. It gave me the tenacity to keep searching, but also to capitalize on the relationships I already have and take the time to talk with people. I hope many more weekends like this follow. I have a few pictures I'll post later.

Isaiah 61:1

2007-10-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me,
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound."

This verse is written on a little card that I have been carrying around with me for 2 weeks now. For fourteen days I have looked at this verse everyday, multiple times a day, memorizing it, searing it in my heart, grappling with how to apply it in my life.

Last week I watch a documentary film called Glue Boys (www.glueboys.com). The film centers around 9 boys who live on the streets of Kitale, Kenya and sniff glue to ward off hunger pains and the cold night air. Though filmed in Kitale, the picture also encompasses street children all over the world who turn to glue for "relief".

As I watched the film with tears streaming down my face two emotions waged a war inside me. The first was a breaking heart. Now, I know that's not really an "emotion", but it is something I distinctly felt, so go along with me. The second emotion was anger. A deep, bordering on hateful anger at companies who provide the glue, knowing it goes to street kids, just so they can make a profit.

How do these two strings of thought relate? The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. Children who live on the street are among the poorest of the poor. They have no where to sleep. They rarely have any possessions other than the clothes on their back. They scavenge in trash piles for something to eat, hoping it doesn't make them sick. You can't get much poorer than that.

But what breaks my heart the most is that most street children choose to live on the streets. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. These children choose this lifestyle because they are bound to the glue. They are captive to the illusion of freedom life on the street brings. They are in a prison they have created and often don't want to leave. Though convicted of my hatred towards companies who knowingly provide glue to street children, anger still burns within me. How dare multi-million (maybe even billion) dollar companies take advantage of innocent children. There are ways to make the glue irritable to nasal passages, yet still effective for its intended purpose. But companies, corrupted by the desire for wealth, refuse to make such changes to their product.

There are homes all over the world dedicated to giving children the chance to get off the streets. But they often run away from these homes because the kingdom of the world tells them that glue is easier. The world feeds them the lie that sniffing glue will solve the problems life on the street brings. It will erase the memories, the hunger pains, and the cold, and eventually kill them. Glue will eventually kill any child who habitually sniffs it. But it does more than kill them physically, it kills their innocence. It kills their warmth. It kills their hearts. Glue takes away from them the chance to be a child.

Why do I care? According to the world's standards their presence on the streets shouldn't affect me, but it does. Granted, I haven't traveled many places where I have been struck by the poverty surrounding me, but I have seen a 3 year old, barefoot little boy on the street, clothed in only a t-shirt, and looking in a pile of trash for some food. I have seen children so thin their rib cage protrudes out from their body. And I have seen multiple kids walking around on the streets, a glue bottle tucked inside their sleeve, so "high" they can't even walk straight. Though I don't see these children in my everyday life, I love them. I don't want them to be on the street, imprisoned by their desire for glue. I want them to go to bed every night with a full stomach and warm covers. I want them to live in the freedom Christ offers.

What happens now? Where do I go from here? I go to the ONLY place I can, down on my knees. Praying for their freedom, and spiritually backing up anyone who is trying to help.

Weekend Adventures

2007-10-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was jam packed with fun times!

Friday night, my sister and her husband came down for my cousin's wedding and stayed the weekend with us. It was so great to see them again. This is my sister and me at the wedding. I miss her alot!!

Saturday night we headed off to the Mesquite Rodeo. Can you believe I've lived in Mesquite for close to 15 years now and this was my first time to go to the Mesquite Rodeo? My family always planned to go when I was busy. It was fun. This is the gang that went to the rodeo with us.

The rodeo was so much fun!! Totally corny at times, but so much fun! I've decided some cowboys are just asking to get hurt. They play this game at the rodeo called bull poker. They sit four cowboys around a card table, then let an angry bull loose in the area. The last cowboy out of his chair wins. You can look at the pictures below.

It was so great to have our entire family together again. With all the changes that took place in my life, processing through my family not being in one location was one of those things I pushed aside. Having Valerie and the dynamic she brings back in our family...well it's making me work through that change. I really missed her, didn't know how much until she came back.

Anyhow, that was my weekend. Full of good life lessons and lots of fun times.

New Scriptural Lenses

2007-09-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Friday night I again traveled with my sister to North Dallas to attend Oasis Prayer (Muslim prayer time). Friday was a special night because we were blessed to have a man named Nabeel Jabbour with us. Nabeel works with The Navigators and specializes in Eastern thought. He explained to us that there are 4 paradigms in the Bible that we use to teach scripture. 1) guilt and righteousness, 2) shame and honor, 3) clean and unclean, 4) fear and power. He told us that as westerners we latch onto the guilt and righteous paradigm because it follows a logical progression. Most of us are familiar with the Roman Road because it also follows the logical progression, and that it how many of us tell unbelievers about Christ. However, Muslims do not feel guilt. I know, weird phenomenon, but they don't ever feel guilty. So if I explain the gospel to them using the Roman road, or really any of Paul's epistles, it doesn't stick with them because they can't connect with the guilt righteousness paradigm.

When Paul wrote his epistles, he wrote them to the Greeks. When Jesus was speaking about the kingdom of heaven He did not tell people about a step by step process, He spoke in parables because He spoke to the Hebrews. Jesus' parables contain a wealth of information that Easterners can relate to. Though they don't feel guilty, they do feel unclean and shameful. That is the root of their concern and when you speak to them about cleanliness, or honor it hits home and settles in their heart.

Nabeel walked us through several parables to teach us what to look for when reading the Bible with these new scriptural lenses. The most powerful parable was that of the prodigal son. I had never heard the story explained the way Nabeel explained it, but it makes perfect sense. When I read the story with the shame/honor paradigm in mind and know just even a little bit about the culture in those times, the story came to life in a way it never had before. It refreshed me and drew me closer to Jesus because I could see how this story was alive, and still impacted so many people. A story I once regarded as a child's story; a good Sunday school lesson, now has new meaning and lessons for me to learn.

It also provokes questions that need to be answered:

How does this story parallel the life of Jesus? In my mind, I'm the prodigal son. I grasp onto the sin of entitlement, I think I am "entitled" to my wants/desires. I am a sinner, who thankfully was broken and came back to my heavenly father, hoping He would accept me as His servant. Instead of rejecting me, as He should have done, He runs to greet me, not caring if He looks like a fool. He opens His arms and accepts me into His family, and all heaven rejoices that I have come. The older brother is a like the pharisees. He works hard, obeys the laws, but does not understand mercy and grace. He does not think I deserve such treatment, for I have done nothing to earn it, and he's right. I have done nothing to deserve God's love, but He continually gives it to me.

Why does the story abruptly end? We never find out what happens. I want to know how the older brother reacts. But the story is just cut off after the father's gentle rebuke to his oldest son. If we're still paralleling this to the life of Christ, then here's what happens in my imagination. The older son leaves his father's home angry and upset and the father goes back into the house to serve the guests at the party. While in town the son starts spreading lies about his father, wanting to drag his reputation through the mud. He wants people to despise his father the way he does, so he'll tell them anything to make them attack him, which they do. The people attack and crucify him, even though he committed no sin. The son is the pharisees, while the father is Jesus. I have no biblical basis for this thought, but it's how I imagine the story unfolding.

I took 4 pages of notes during this 45 minute lecture. It was refreshing to be in a learning environment, and I was reminded that I'm always in a learning environment, if I'm only patient enough to listen. God graciously reveals Himself to me in new ways all the time, I just need to look at my life and the world through His eyes, not my own.

God's ways continually amaze me. I was so nervous the first time I traveled to this prayer meeting, that I felt sick to my stomach, I didn't want to be stretched or pulled outside my comfort zone. Now, just one week later the group, through God's grace, is enriching my life and giving me a fresh perspective on Bible lessons I've heard since I was a child. God is so good!!

Fellowship and Prayer

2007-09-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

This past Friday night, my friend Meredith, my sister Kristen and I attended a prayer meeting. The specific prayer time focused on Muslims around the world during ramadan. On our way to north dallas, I was beginning to feel a little un-easy. I don't have a heart for Muslims; they aren't a people group I'm passionate about and I don't know much about them. Plus, many times I believe the lie Satan feeds me that my prayers are inadequate and insufficient. We arrived late to Bethany's, and walked in on the group already deep in prayer. Feeling even more uncomfortable at this, I quietly made my way through the room, sat down and started talking to God. My plea, was that my heart would be engaged and not down cast and that I would not allow myself to be distracted during this time.

After Matt ended his prayer, we introduced ourselves to the group. There was a total of 9 people in the room, including the 3 of us. Matt, his wife Tabbitha and their 5 week old daughter Abigail. Bethany, John Mark, and Jared. We briefly talked about ourselves, and then Jared brought us back on track. Praying with people I do not know is something I'm learning to become comfortable with, but I'm not there yet, so my plan was to listen to everyone's prayers and keep my thoughts between me and God. I tried not to panic when Jared handed me a pamphlet on praying around the world for Muslims during ramadan, and said we were all going to pray for a specific country. As the prayed I would remain calm and when my turn came around, I found myself speaking from my heart. It was a very powerful experience, I don't know where the words came from, but they just flowed out.

During our fellowship time, Kristen, Meredith and I mentioned that we would like to empower the younger generation of our church to reach out to the community and to become involved in church life, but how we were struggling with getting the older generation to support us in that effort. There are so many ministry opportunities around the DFW area, we just need to find the place where God wants us. The group covered the 3 of us in prayer and I walked away from the night feeling as if I could conquer the world.

As the prayer night ended and we talked I was reminded that when I pray, I need to pray with confidence; I need to expect things to happen when I pray. I so often forget what a powerful tool prayer is. Christ tore the veil the separated us from God when he died on the cross, giving us full access to God's ear. Why do I doubt? I know the answer to that question, but I don't want to accept it, and I don't have to. There is no reason to doubt, no reason to prayer without confidence. I serve a mighty God who can accomplish whatever I ask of Him.

I was also reminded that it doesn't matter if I have a heart for Muslims or not. The Lord calls me to prayer for those who do not know him. That's part of being a member of the body of Christ. It's supporting my sister in her passions and empowering her. It's being connected to a new group of people who I'm instantly drawn to because we're part of Christ's family. God wants my heart to break with the things that break His heart, so whether or not I'm passionate about Muslims, I both can and need to pray for them. It's a lesson I learned that I hope to never forget.

Life's Changes

2007-09-14T13:51:00.001-07:00

Last month, I was a 23 year old who had just finished her second summer at Camp War Eagle, and was the director of a follow-up ministry called "Ozone". This month, I have left Arkansas, moved to Dallas, had my twin sister get married, move into an apartment by myself and started a new job as the director of children's ministry. All that to say, this past month has been a whirlwind with lots of emotional ups and downs. But I'm stronger because of it, as cliche as that might sound, it's true.

As hard as it was leaving friends who I grew to love and admire in Arkansas, drive down to Dallas, I know now that I made some kind of an impact on their lives. As emotional as it was to be the maid of honor in my sister's wedding, I got to see two people pledge their lives to each other in a pure and holy way that touched the lives of all who attended the wedding. As weird as it is living in an apartment by myself, I'm discovering how precious solitude and stillness are. And finally, as difficult as it was to start a new job, I'm learning more about the body of Christ, and what it means to be a member of that body.

I'm still processing through so many emotions, but finding joy in a sunshiny day, or a child's laugh. I'm also working through what it means to live and minister to this side of the globe, and connect that with a third world country in Africa I know exists. Lots of changes, lots of thoughts and emotions to work through, but lots of lessons learned.

Questions

2007-05-26T20:16:00.001-07:00

Well, I just arrived back in the States from Kitale, Kenya. All I want to do is hop back on a plane, travel across the ocean, and get back to Africa. I was told that once I stepped foot in Africa it would forever hold a piece of my heart, well it's true. I fell in love with the culture, the people, even the smells. But now I'm back in the States.

As I stepped off the plane, and into the Denver Airport I was struck by how different my life could be, and how easy it would be to slide back into the normal everyday life I used to live. I have so much here in the states, and I take it all for granted. I took a hot shower today and was amazed at the water pressure and the fact that the water stayed hot.

Now I'm struggling with questions. I have a job lined up here for the next 2-3 years. It's an amazing job, and I would love doing that, but is it where I'm supposed to be? While in Africa, we talked alot about God's will for our lives, and here I am struggling with what it means. What does it look like to follow God's call? How do you know when it is God calling, rather than your own wants and desires? Do you have to pick a path before God's begins closing doors, or should you wait?

Right now, at this point in time, I want to go back to Kenya with my whole heart. I want to participate in an internship program through Transformed International for 3 months. But does what I want, line up with what God wants? Too often I get caught up in my own desires, I think that my will and God's will should align, because I want to do whatever I want to do. But that's not the way it works. I'm tired of asking God what HIS will is for MY life. That still sounds selfish to me, it's a good prayer, but often times I think it is too narrow minded. I want to know what God's will is for my generation. I want to know how God wants my life to fit into His plans for my time.

My dream is to work overseas with children in need. Whether that is in Africa, or India or China or anywhere in between, that is the desire of my heart. So where does that leave me? On my knees...

Amazing Grace

2007-03-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

I recently went to the movies to see the film "Amazing Grace". While sitting in the dark movie theatre watching William Wilberforce's life unfold on the screen I was moved to make a change in my life. William Wilberforce spent 17 years fighting to abolish slavery. He saw an injustice, decided it wasn't right, and fought to change it. Our world is so full of injustices, but I've become separate from them, and that's not right!!

I decided to write down several quotes to caught my attention during the film. I would like to share them with you as well as my thoughts.

Background: William Wilberforce is playing cards with a "friend", his friend has run out of money, yet still wants to continue playing. He asks Wilberforce what he will let him wager. Wilberforce responds "there is nothing you have that I want" to which this friend tells someone to "go get my Niger".
Wilberforce leaves the table, his friend follows him outside and says, "it's like you've never seen slavery before" to which Wilberforce responds:

"For me it's like arsenic, each new tiny dose doubles the effect"

-What is like arsenic for me? Have I become so hardened against the injustices of this world that they no longer effect me? What injustice do I need to fight against?

"You've found God sir?" - Wilberforce's servant Richard
"I think He found me...do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?"
- William Wilberforce

-This quote made me laugh at first, however, the more I thought about it the more truth I saw in it. I have so many promising opportunities here in the states. I could get a well paying job and live my life in leisure and comfort. Instead, God got a hold of my heart and opened my eyes to the need for missions, now I'm ready to sacrifice it all.

"You've read my letter, but you've not taken in a word of it!!"
-William Wilberforce

- I do this so often with the Bible. I read it, but I don't take it in. God's letter for me holds lessons I need to learn, and thoughts that will change my life, but I don't take them in. I can see God saying this to me.

"Although my memory is fading, I remember two things:
I am a GREAT SINNER and
CHRIST is a GREAT SAVIOR."
-John Newton

-This quote doesn't need much explaining. It is just a good reminder to me of God's grace, mercy and love. John Newton was a very smart man.

Those are some of my thoughts regarding this movie. I walked out ready to conquer all the injustices of the world. Now, after time to meditate on my thoughts and feelings, I pray God will show me what injustice He needs me to fight for.

I GET IT!!!

2007-02-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

"Every tongue, tribe and nation will have some of its redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, by Jesus Christ and His sacrifice and they WILL stand before the throne worshiping Him forever (Rev. 7:9)

"The gospel of the kingdom WILL be proclaimed throughout the WHOLE WOLRD as a testimony to ALL NATIONS and THEN the end will come" (Mat. 24:14)

-This is going to happen!! This is the conclusion of time. God is not a liar!

Okay, I get it! I really truly get it! God has a heart for the nations and He's not coming back until at least one person from every tribe, tongue and nation has heard of His name. I GET to be part of that process. It's my job to get the NEWs out (capitalized because it will be "new" to unreached people groups). I understand. Finally, after 23 years of living I understand, and I'm willing to do it. Every tribe, tongue, and nation of bust!! That's God's heart and if I'm seeking Him, then it needs to be my heart too.

HERE I AM... SEND ME. Stir in me a passion for the nations; for Your heart.

Boiler Room

2007-02-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

Yet another train of thoughts from World Mandate:

I'm sitting in the boiler room surrounded by prayer warriors, by intercessors for Christ. God, burden my heart with a nation, with a people. Show me what to do with this new out-look on life Lord.

God, I KNOW you have gifted me to world with children. I read statistics about orphans, child laborers, child soldiers, child trafficking, etc. and my body literally aches for them Lord. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE!! That's the cry, the unsilenceable scream of my heart: WHERE LORD?

Lord God, I need your courage and your strength to go out from this place and seek you with abandon. Don't let me take all this and make it a weekend memory God. I want...no, I NEED to be changed and moved by You, by the nations, but the people you desperately want to be Yours.

Tonight, my face a sleeves are covered with salty tears because I was weeping for Your people. I was so heavily burdened for every tribe, tongue, people and nation that I was sobbing. God, show my Your heart, let me feel Your heart beating in me.

A New Rhythm

2007-02-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

I attended a world mandate conference the first weekend of February, and these are some of my thoughts thoughout the weekend:

My heart has never been moved the way it was moved tonight. A seemingly never ending stream of tears just keep falling from my eyes. The speaker, Heather Mercer, talked about living life as a fool for Christ. Tonight, for the first time, I truly wanted that. I was my heart to be moved. I was to be a crazy fool for God. But already I can feel myself wanting to go to my comfortable lifestyle.

I would LOVE to live in this earthly kingdom I've created, where Christ can conform to my lifestyle. But that's not the true and righteous desire of my heart. The REAL desire is to see God's kingdom, His supernatural kingdom come to earth. I want, I desire to seek that kingdom; to live my life with abandon to God. I want to make a difference in the population of the eternal kingdom.

I don't know how, I don't know where, I don't know when. But, I know with an uncanny, absolute certainty that God moved, the Spirit moved in my heart tonight, and I will never be the same.

World Mandate

2007-02-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

I recently returned from a conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. The conference is sponsored by Antioch Community Church, and occurs annually on the first weekend of February. This was my first year to attend the conference, thanks to the promptings of a close friend, Chase Willsey, and God completely changed my life!!

I never thought I was supposed to be a missionary. I believe in missions and I support people who go, and I thought that was going to be me role. I was going to be a sender for the rest of my life. God changed that plan (something He like to regularly do). I cannot completely describe what happened to me at the conference, but I can tell you that my heart beats to a different rhythm now. I have NEVER had such an intimate experience with God, and now all I want is more. I crave to be in His presence, I yearn to know Him more, and I ache for his children who don't know who He is.

When I say ache, I mean it, I literally feel pain for children in other countries. I have always known God wanted me to work with children, but I have never felt pain for children suffering in other countries. I read statistics on children at this conference and was crying over them. God moved my heart into action and I finally get "it". Christ has let me see His heart for the nations, and I have FINALLY paid attention.

New Year's Resolution

2007-01-17T19:35:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I re-evaluate my life. There's something about the beginning of January...I suddenly feel motivated to keep my apartment clean, to eat healthier, to exercise, and to spend more time with God. The problem is that all that motivation goes down the drain when I forget about it in roughly 1 month.

Funny how a new year makes you think of all the things in your life you want to change. Every year, right at the beginning of January I re-evaluate my life. In all God's wisdom, He always places on my heart a need to seek Him more. EVERY year I make a goal to spend more time iwht God; more time in prayer, in the Bible, etc. The problem is my life really isn't in bad shape, so I trick myself into thinking "I can do this", it's so easy for me to forget that every good and perfect gift comes from God.

Why does God continue to use me as an example to others? I'll never know the answer to that question, but I'm sure He has a plan.

I don't want to make lofty promises this year. Right now, I do want to seek God more and cherish my relationship with Him, but I know a time will come, probably a time very soon, when I will once again think "I can do this", and God will have to bring me back here to this humbled state.

I think my goal for this year should be to live a life of excellence. I was recently reminded of what excellence looks like through a Young Life camp called Crooked Creek Ranch. They served campers above and beyond the call of duty and I was very impressed. It made me want to seek that mentality; the mentality that just passing isn't good enough, that a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich isn't good enough, not when I know I can do better, not when I can make a real meal.

That's what has been on my heart today, to be excellent in what I do, not perfect, not the best, not OCDC, but to excell in everything I try; to give it my all.

A Day in the Life

2006-12-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

Raikeeeze's Adventures
It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to post something here, but today for some reason, it just seemed fitting. The weather outside is cloudy and it feels very wintery, but for some reason, by spirit is pushed by something joyful and bright. See, on Friday night, I went to go see the movie THE NATIVITY, it's the new Christmas movie that came out this year, and it depicts the birth of Jesus. The movie wasn't the best one I've seen, but it definitely gave me new eyes when I think about the Christmas story. I'm such a visual person, so when I saw the way Mary and Joseph were treated, when I saw Herod's hatred for the prophesized messiah, when I saw the lowly shephards, I could view them with new, fresh eyes.

Saturday was a crazy day for me!! I had a service project to organize and accomplish with 102 crazy kids screaming and wanting to do anything but work.

Then today in church, my pastor talked about the crucifixion of Jesus. I know strange to be talking about Christ's death, when we're so close to the day when we celebrate his birth, however, the sermon really completed the story of Jesus for me; it brought it full circle. And now my thoughts are completely jumbled. Our pastor talked about the Trinity relating to Jesus' crucifixion, and how is must have felt for one part of the three, but yet a part of each of them to be taking on the sins of the world! I can't even fathom that, nor have I ever thought about it.

And then, I thought about the love story intertwined throughout the crucifixion, and that is where I'm stuck. I just finished reading a story about the love shared by a cowboy and a cowgirl. The cowboy is a bull rider because he equates conquering bulls to fighting his anger towards his dad for leaving when he was just a small boy. The cowgirls is a barrel racer who has cystic fibrosis (a lung disease) but loves being on a horse back more than anything in the world. The two fall in love, even though she is only expected to live for a couple of years. The story was amazing, because as I got wrapped up in it, I could feel that the boy would literally do anything for the girl, because he had that much love for her.

then I thought about Christ's love for me and how it doesn't even compare to the boys love for the girl. That's where I'm stuck, that's what I'm thinking about and trying to wrap my mind and heart around. That's what I'm learning.

God is so Good

2006-07-10T14:10:00.000-07:00

Raikeeeze's Adventures
So, I had the priveledge of going to a Bible Study with some other girls who are a part of the Extreme Serve team here at camp. The girls on Extreme Serve all perform duties that make camp function, but are hardly ever recognized for it. Their duties include things like working in the kitchen, organizing crafts, working in the office, nannying, etc. The Bible study was amazing!! We're working through the book i am not, but know that I AM by louie giglio (I think that's how you spell it). I totally recommend the book, it's incredible. Anyhow, the book is all about how God is everything, and we are his vessels. It's all about service for Him, how it should look, etc. I was so blessed by the women in the group. The openess and honesty in the group was amazing. My favorite part though was when the leader brought up Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. I realized so often that I try to please men. I like their approval, and being accepted by them, but that shouldn't be my goal in life. If I want to serve Christ, if I want to be His servant, then I need to seek His approval only.

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

2006-07-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

Another day, at Camp War Eagle. I've been working as a nanny this session for some of the permanent staff kids and have had the oppotunity to work with a little girl who has Autism. I never thought I could be one of those people who enjoyed work with disabled children, but come to find out, I am. I enjoy solving problems, and working with a little 5 year old who has the mental functioning of a 1 1/2 year old is definitely a challenge. She can't talk the way I talk, instead, her language is a mixture of sounds and noises (i.e. eh, ah, kis, etc.) But each sound has a meaning, and each meaning is important to her. She loves it when people talk to her in her own language, even though all they can do is repeat what she says.

Despite her disabilities, she is truly a special child. It has been a joy to watch her grow and explore at camp from the feeling of sand inbetween her toes, to the smell of horses, to me helping her complete a front roll in the gymnastics center. I can tell that she is taking in everything and it is all being logged into a special part of her mind. It is a good reminder for me that I need to continue to live each day with that kind of excitement. I need to enjoy life and take everything in because I will never have another day like today.

Camp Adventures

2006-07-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am working at Camp War Eagle for the summer. It will definitely be a different summer, but I love the camp atmosphere. I love the energy, the crazy chants, the great sleep (hahaha), but mostly I love the kids and watching them change throughout the duration of camp. I enjoy being able to be a small part of their lives. It is amazing to watch God work through my weaknesses and use me even when I am so tired I don't think I can go one anymore. More adventurous stories to come...