incredibly imperfect, but wonderfully loved...

I realized it's been 3 1/2 weeks since my last blog, which isn't terrible, but isn't good either. So, here's an update on my life:

March has been a CRAZY...AMAZING month!! Lots has happened in my life and God has been teaching me about trusting in His perfect timing.

I had a friend from Kenya come to visit me and my family during the first week of March. 11 days after he left, I went up to Reno, NV to visit him and meet his family. Without divulging lots of details, let's just say I'm excited to see how God continues to work in our lives. He's been in control the whole time and it's exciting to let Him continue to guide us.

I got back from Reno Friday night at 9:00pm. Then, on Saturday I had a huge Easter event planned at my parent's house. The event was a success because my family is INCREDIBLE and just somehow knows what to do without me telling them step by step instructions. They're such a blessing. While the older kids were hiding the Easter eggs, I told the Easter story to the youngsters and several parents, many of which had never heard the Gospel before. During the egg hunt, a few kids and adults came up to me with questions about what I had said. THEY WANTED TO KNOW MORE!! Does it get more exciting than that?!?

Yes is does...to top it off, I ordered an inflatable for the kids to play on that day (which was a huge success). I went over and was talking to the guys who delivered it and set it up for me. They wanted to know what was going on. I told them it was an Easter celebration. They said they didn't see many eggs =), so I got to explain that for my family and several families present, Easter is more than eggs filled with candy and a bunny, it's about the resurrection of Jesus, and that's why we celebrate it. The next day, I received an email from one the guys telling me that my family made an impact on him and he saw that Christ can be a part of normal day to day life. He said he's been burned by Christians in the past, but was thinking about re-newing his relationship with Christ. Is God good or what?!?!

The trusting in God's perfect timing comes into play in several areas of my life. One of which was the fact that I didn't want to leave Reno. Honestly (and selfishly) when I got up Saturday morning to get my parent's house ready for the event I was feeling a little sorry for myself. But God had a bigger and better plan. Why oh why do I forget that so often? I seem to have to learn this lesson over and over again. I think I know what's best for me. But thankfully, before getting frustrated with me God always extends His hand of mercy to remind me that He knows me better than I know myself. Sometimes I wonder why He puts up with me. =)

Well, that's me...incredibly imperfect, but wonderfully loved me. Have a blessed day!

Why??

I was laying in bed tonight desperately trying to fall asleep but an advertisement I saw today just kept creeping into my head and try as I might, I couldn't sleep. As I was checking my facebook account and saw a new advertisement. Normally I see those "single" advertisements, you know the ones that say "find your true love now" or "have 5 guys compete for your attention". Today as I looked at the advertisement expecting to see something reminding me that my facebook status is single, I instead see "tired of being a fat cow?" Oh yes, that's what it said and it made me angry. What's worse, it made me question myself, the poisonous thought took it's toll. Seeds of concern and doubt were planted. And now I'm here asking questions.

Who says something like that? Why would someone advertise something so hurtful? Why does the world seem so bent on making women feel fat? Why do I so easily believe it? Why is it so hard to believe that I am beautiful?

So now, rather being in a peaceful slumber, I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen asking questions for which I have no answer. I'm all wrapped up in my favorite blanket which brings with it a much needed sense of safety, comfort and warmth.

I'm listening to the rain fall outside knowing there has to be some analogy there, but failing to grasp hold of it. Despite how upsetting the advertisement was and the questions it caused me to ask of myself, there's something about being still and quiet, just listening to the rain. Something about how rain brings new life and washes things clean. I know there's something there for me to discover, some new lesson about myself that I need to be made aware of, but it's just out of my reach.

I'm not looking for compliments or boosts for my self esteem, I learned awhile ago that God is the only one who can give me satisfaction and joy. Beth Moore once said something like, my time with God is like a bowl of ice cream (which is more than enough). He satisfies and sustains me for every day. If I get a compliment, or a casual smile, well that's just the whipped cream and cherry on top.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this blog is, because I haven't come to any conclusions. All I know is that this is something almost all women struggle with and tonight I had to wrestle with it.