Working Through Faith and Trust

This week my church suffered a great loss. Brian Geiger was an intricate part of Redeemer. He was not only a husband, father, son and friend but he was also a shining example of faith and grace. Brian was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had been seeking treatment. His battle was one my church family was deeply involved in. Several weeks ago he took a turn for the worst and had to undergo emergency brain surgery to remove the tumor. This surgery not only brought hope to his family, but also to the many who had spent countless hours in prayer. The doctors were hopeful he would recover. Wednesday night Brian got to see our Lord and Savior face to face. He was ushered into glory surrounded by his closely knit family who were reciting Psalm 23 and singing the doxology. To his last breath Brian was polite and gracious. If you asked him how he was (a question he undoubtedly was asked a hundred times a day) he was graciously tell you exactly how he was doing, always with a smile on his face and a trust in God that was remarkable.

My heart goes through a battle at times like this. I want to rejoice that Brian is no longer suffering. I want to be jealous that he's in heaven while I'm still stuck here on earth. However, in my human frailty I question God's plan, "are you sure you know what you're doing Lord?" because it doesn't make sense to me. I wanted a miracle.

While I'm still processing through this loss, I read an article about the rise of teenage prostitution in Kenya:

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jULzMcr9yht2kOPb_EEQt56B6f3wD928U1MG0

To read a child's account of her life as a prostitute because it's the only way to feed her parents and siblings...it's almost too much for me to take in. It makes me angry and it makes my heart hurt. Once again I find myself questioning God's plan. To me, my way makes more sense; it seems better. And I'm caught in the lie of thinking my way of doing things would bring God more glory. But it won't.

In times like this I find myself searching for the reassurance that My God is a great big God who is in control. I leave you with sections of Psalms 37 that spoke to my heart and gave me the reassurance I was seeking:

Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

A Foolish Thought

On Wednesday morning at 10:45am, I headed to the office of Dr Crossin to get my wisdom teeth extracted. This simple surgery that normally lasts 20-30 minutes took 2 hours to complete because God decided to make my wisdom teeth very difficult to remove (the fact that I'm 24 just now having them extracted didn't help matters). As I was gently guided to the car by wonderful brother people's comments of, "you'll be better a couple of days" played through my head.

So I parked myself in a recliner at my parent's house and didn't move for 2 days (except to use the bathroom). Some of you may think I'm joking, but I'm not. I quite literally stayed put in that recliner for 2 days while my family (namely my mother) played nurse, I'm spoiled, I know.

It's early Sunday morning and I've progressed from the recliner to the couch =). Those hopeful remarks of, "you'll feel better after 48 hours" have faded as I cross off one more night of sleeping with my head at a 45 degree angle above my heart.

Okay, onto the story. See, my mom had been the one who kept me on track on when to take the pain medication and when to take the antibiotics, including in the middle of the night (I have an INCREDIBLE mom). However, since I had progressed to the couch, I also thought this meant I could wake myself up for my medication. A couple of things you need to know about me for this to be important

1. I don't really like medicine all that much, in fact, if I can avoid taking medicine, I will.
   
2. I think I have this inner need to be independent and often a "I can do it on my own" mentality.
   
3. God likes to remind me that I can't do it all on my own and need others...hopefully the lesson will stick this time.

After deciding my mom should sleep through the night, I got comfortable on the couch (head at a 45 degree angle), set my alarm and went to sleep. However, when my alarm went off this morning indicating the time to take my pain medication I thought, "I'm not in pain yet, I bet I can go another couple of hours." I know, I'm a foolish girl!! As I'm sure you're already guessing, I woke up in pain. In fact, I didn't know my jaw was capable of causing such severe pain.

Here's what I learned:

• I make a very bad patient/nurse combination
• I'm VERY thankful for my family's care, especially my mom's
• Though my body would eventually heal itself without the pain medication, the meds help the process be much more enjoyable
• I can't do it on my own and I need others help.

My alarm's set again for my next dose of pain meds, I don't think I'll be skipping out =)

It's been too long

Well once again I've been living life rather than blogging about it. Here's what's been happening:

At the end of June I led a mission's trip with several youth girls to the West Dallas Community. We spent a week loving on children in this community and leading a 5 day club in the evenings.

The weekend of July 4th my family headed up to Tulsa, OK to visit my twin sister and her hubby. The weekend was full of fun events: a musical production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, a frisbee golf tournament, fireworks show and a float trip. My family enjoyed the weekend, unfortunately, I only made it through the musical then got sick =(. Oh well, at least I was with family.

I got back from fourth of July and hit the ground running putting the last minute preparations in place for VBS. I had the privilege of directing Outrigger Island this past week and I got to see God's love in action. As adults and teens gave of themselves day after day. Whether they baked cookies, helped decorate the church, led a Bible study, helped with registration, etc. they showed God's love to children and did it willingly.

After VBS my family took a brief trip down to Galveston, TX to eat at our favorite restaurant: Gaidos, play on the beach, celebrate my parent's 31st wedding anniversary and celebrate Cyril (our French exchange students) 18th birthday. We spent 24 hours on the island, all got a sunburn, had a blast and my brother and I saw a shark while we were swimming in the ocean (SCARY).

So, that's been my life. Now, what have I learned from all this? i found this quote the other day and really thought it summarized my thoughts:

"What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things
instead of using people and loving things." ~Unknown

One of the things I want to do with my life is to live a life of love. I don't know about you, but I know I've been used before so people could love "things" and it doesn't feel good. In fact I still carry wounds from the past. However, recently my life has been filled with people loving on people and not caring about things, or what they get in return. It's so refreshing. I witnessed youth serve in West Dallas and do it because they truly love that community and want to serve. I've spent quality time with my family and I always leave feeling the unconditional love present there.

I know it's a simple lesson, but it's one I love to be reminded of.