"You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:15
In the passage above God is talking to the Pharisees about how they can't love money and God. He just told the parable of the shrewd manager and the Pharisees snickered because they thought they were capable of both- or at the very least they could put on a good show.
I was listening to a lesson on my iPod yesterday and the speaker said something that got me thinking: "If I perform for God, He'll watch me. Buy if I call out to God, He'll answer." For me performing for God is comfortable, it's something I've done off and on my whole life. When I was in college, for example, I was involved in EVERYTHING. I led a college small group, I led a small group for junior high girls, I was in a Bible study, I was on the student ministries leadership team, I helped plan and execute youth events, I taught Sunday school, I volunteered at the children's shelter...to name a few. And I did it all while having a part time job and being a full-time student. In each of those activities, if I could lead it, all the better. Why did I do it? Because I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to make a difference; to impact people's lives, so I got involved. It's not that my motives were awful, there's nothing wrong with wanting to impact people's lives for Jesus, or that my heart wasn't in the right place. The problem was that I was performing.
Now, granted, I learned alot through all those experiences that I value. I can juggle several activities and events at the same time without stressing out, I learned how to manage my time wisely, I read my Bible more during those years than I ever had before. However, I also learned thing from those experiences I wish I hadn't, mainly, I learned how to be a talented performer. I say the right things, have the correct body gestures, smile at the right times, give comfort when needed, etc. Again, none of that's bad and God has used my performance for His glory, but He wants more from me...He deserves more from me.
I'm tired of performing. I want to call out to God; I want to seek first His kingdom; I want the outpouring of His spirit in my life...I want more. I guess this is kind of my way of drawing a line in the sand, of saying I'm going to be different when I get back to Dallas and I wanted you each to know because you're each part of this journey. That's what the body of Christ is about.
So there's my newest lesson from the Lord...always a learner.
