When Will It End?

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of god so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" -Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)

I was out of town this weekend without access to the internet. For a few days I was able to pretend that this country across the sea I've grown to love was back to normal. Afterall, the latest update I had read said that Odinga and Kibaki had met. They were seen smiling for the cameras, so that meant peace and normalcy were right around the corner, right?

When I made it home late Saturday night and checked my email, reality slapped me in the face. Things did not get better over the weekend, instead they got worse. The death toll is now close to 900, and though the government was wanting to close the refugee camps this week, now they're going have to expand them due to the increased number of victims from this war.

What are the politicians doing to help? NOTHING!! Rather than discussing what they can do to end the violence, they just argue about who started the violence. They sit around contemplating what next barb to throw at the opposition, while the people of Kenya are in the middle of a war. One that seems to be spiraling out of control!

This is not a war we can fight with our hands, but it is one we must choose to fight in prayer. Praise the Lord that everyone in the TI compound, as well as all the children TI supports are safe. Please continue to pray for the safety. And continue to pray for peace in Kenya.

Here's the same verse, different version:

"That about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. this is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."
-Ephesians 6:10-12 (The Message)

World Mandate 2008

This weekend I attended a annual conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. My first time at World Mandate was last year and God got ahold of me and changed my life. You can read previous blogs about it.

This year, the conference was held at Baylor University. There's something powerful about being in a room with 3,100 other people who are seeking God and worshipping Him. During the hour of worship I could sit, stand, jump, dance, raise my hands, get on my knees, scream and shout, etc. to worship the King, my heavenly Father. I love that freedom of expression.

This year I experienced a new level in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Saturday night, with a broken heart I wrote out this prayer:

Lord, my heart breaks when I think about the nations.

I'm blinded by tears from the pain and the suffering that is in this world.

There is a deep groaning in me for people to come to know You.

Here I am Lord, send me.

To the ends of the earth, to my next door neighbor, wherever YOU need me.

Lord, search me and know my heart.

I'm Yours, through the good times and the bad,

through the sunshine and the rain,

through the dessert and the cool waters.

You have set me apart for Your glory, use me as You will.

I'm here, and I'm willing.

I don't want to be lukewarm.

I don't want to be content.

I want to be a mighty vessel for You, a blessing to the nations of the world.

I'm broken Lord.

My heart is breaking for Your children to know You.

For those in bondage, chained to things of the world.

Lord, I want Your freedom for them.

I want Your joy, Your peace, Your love to fill them.

I desire for them to receive Your healing, Your restoration.

I want them to live a life of liberty, a life in adoration of You.

USE ME to proclaim Your truth.

It's the cry of my heart to follow You; wherever You lead.

I want to be a fool for You.

SEND ME!

After I wrote out this prayer, I crumbled onto my knees and began to sob before the Lord. I was hurting for people of the world who have no idea who Jesus is; ready to leave everything behind and jump on a plane; questioning why I was still in the states; beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision to stay. Suddenly, I began to laugh. In the midst of my mourning a peace filled my heart and joy washed over me. What a sight I must have been, red-eyes, tear stained cheeks, snot all over my sleeves...I went from crying for a good 15 minutes to laughing uncontrollably. All the questions and "what-ifs" disappeared and I knew that my time to go would come. I'm in the states for this time of life, and I'm going to learn and grow while I'm here while looking forward to what God has in store for my future.

A 3 Year Olds Wisdom

Throughout my life I've learned that sometimes God uses the simplest things to teach me something new, or remind me of a truth. This happened again last night.

Fiona Bailey (our worship pastors 3 year old daughter) said "thank you" after receiving a toy from a friend without being prompted by me. I always make a big deal when kids use manners, especially when they do it on their own. So, once again I said, "Fiona, it makes me so happy when you use your manners. More importantly, it makes God happy."

Fiona then looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, what makes you sad?" We've had this conversation many times before. I tell her that she just made me and God happy, and she always replies "what makes you sad?" Normally, to this simple question I reply, "When you don't use your manners it makes me sad." But yesterday for some reason I decided to go with something different, "When the world seems all messed up and I don't feel like there's anything I can do to make it better, that makes me sad."

Then Fiona, in all of her three year old wisdom, looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, God has the world in His hands so He can fix it." Then she ran off to play with the other kids and I sat down, stunned at the simple words, yet the deep truth behind them. That's one of the reason why I love working with kids, they remind me what it's like to have childlike faith and trust.

This is Fiona, she's pretty cute and apparently full of wisdom =)

Letting Go

It has now been 11 days since the rioting in Kenya began. 11 days of people suffering from the tension and fear that lingers in the air. Though just a week and half, 11 days is a long time to be living in a community where you're not sure if the neighbor you used to talk to is your friend or enemy. It's a long time to wonder if when you leave your home, you'll be able to return safely. It's a long time to wonder a riot is going to erupt and you're going to get caught in the middle of it.

Yesterday, (Sunday) I was starting to feel the weight of the 11 days, and I live in Dallas, TX, 8534 miles away from Kitale (I looked the distance up online). During the past 11 days there were times when Kenya came to mind and I felt as though I was just repeating a set of phrases without having my heart truly engaged. There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night, not sure what to pray for. Then there were times when I felt prayed out.

As I was sending out the latest blog from my friend, trying to keep others informed, something inside of me snapped and I felt like crying. I held off the tears until our family prayer time an hour later and I was talking to my family about it I basically just broke down. I realized it was the first time I had allowed myself to truly cry. Tears had trickled down my cheeks before as I read stories and looked at pictures, but I had never cried. My sweet little brother (i say little, but he's bigger than me, just younger) came over, put his arm around me and just let me cry. He was also smart enough to bring some kleenexes along with him. It felt really good to release it. I realized I had not truly let go and given it all to God, I was still holding on to some part of it, my dad called me out on that.

I went outside later that night with my guitar and for 2 hours just looked at the stars, prayed and played. It was so good for me. I was able to relinquish control, something that's not easy for me. But as I sat outside and looked at the stars I felt so small, and it felt good to be small. It felt good to let go. Surprise, surprise, right? (wink)

Today as I was cleaning out my collections of email, I ran across this chain letter. Normally I just delete them, but for some reason I decided to open this one. It's a prayer and it was a blessing for me to read and hit on several of the major points I've struggled with over the past 11 days.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

So, though there is still tension in the air. Though there are still police roaming the streets. Though there is still a shortage of some basic commodities. God is at work and He is good, all the time.