Traveling Adventures, Dependence on God, and Art Projects

What does it look like? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. When I think about my life and how I live, I wonder what it looks like to other people. If the turmoil I sometimes feel comes through, or if I wear the “happy Christian” mask all the time. So, let me take this opportunity to be open and vulnerable…

This week has been an amazing time of fellowship with our group. We decided to put James aside for awhile and just come together, share what God has been teaching us, encourage and uplift one another, etc. We have no agenda for these times. We open in prayer and then often times sit in silence for several minutes…just waiting for someone to start the discussion. I don’t mind sitting in silence, but often times this silence is awkward. What makes the silence so awkward at times is because we normally transition from a time of laughter and jokes where everyone has something to say to prayer and then silence as we all prepare ourselves to once again become open and vulnerable with each other. It’s such an interesting transition.

Our group time in the morning is so unique because it’s unplanned. It’s taken me a week to get used to the unknown of our mornings, but what comes out of them is so encouraging and my heart feels overjoyed. This morning we opened with a song by Downhere called Great are You. The words to the chorus say, “Because I’ll never hold a picture of the whole horizon in my view. Because I’ll never rip the night in two, it makes me wonder: Who am I? What am I? Who am I and Great are You!!” The part about the horizon made me think about an adventure I had yesterday…

I accompanied Meredith and our social worker Ann to do two assessments on families yesterday to see if they fit our program. The first assessment was in a town called Kiminini. We walked what felt like a couple of miles to get to the home, because it was more in the village part of the town, and met with the grandmother and the children she had taken into her home, most of them aren’t related to her in any way, just abandoned children that she chose to love. The children were beautiful. Even in their tattered and torn clothing they had a joy about them and smiles that could brighten the room. Once we finished the assessment, we headed back into the town and then off to our second family…

We had never been out to this village before and had heard about the family through a friend of our social worker. The man who informed us about the family met us at a town called Burundi and led us to the home. To get to the village we had to travel across this large expanse of land (to me it felt like I was traveling across the country). It took us 1 ½ hours on boda bodas (bicycle taxis) with lots of walking uphill inbetween riding on the bikes. However, the beauty of the horizon surrounding me took my breath away. All around me were rolling hills that were a rich green because of the rain we’ve recently had, Mt Elgon felt close enough to touch, the hills were sprinkled with the tin roofs of many homes that glistened in the sun, the sky was a brilliant blue with clouds that were crisp and white…and I was sitting on the back of a boda boda arms spread out as I “flew” downhills and across the beautiful countryside of Kenya. I felt so small at that moment, yet so unbelievably special. All I could do was praise God. My boda driver just laughed at me whenever I would sing pieces of songs that came to mind or when I would just laugh for no apparent reason. The countryside and the beauty I saw in it made my heart so grateful that I serve the God who created all of it.

Once we finally made it to the home we met the family, did our assessment then began our travel back. On the walk back to the main road we walked by a school and a hundred of kids poured out of their classrooms when they saw Meredith and I because they had NEVER seen a mzungu (ma-zoon-goo: white person) before (that should give you an idea of how far into the country this home was). Meredith and I shook so many kids hands. They touched my face and my hair and we just thrilled to have the opportunity to interact with a mzungu, I felt kind of like a celebrity. I kissed on little girl on the forehead and all the kids irrupted with excited/dismayed “oh’s”.

When Meredith and I finally made it back home with sunburnt arms and faces we both crashed from the long, yet incredibly fulfilling day. I went out to our gazebo area to read for a little bit and started talking with one of our interns, Ina. We were talking about our days and somehow got off on the topic of independence. I had never realized how independent I had become until I got here. Daniel pointed it out to me within the first 2 weeks but it didn’t sink in until recently. Somewhere between my last trip to Kenya and this one I became less and less dependent on God and more dependent on my own abilities and myself. Having such love and wisdom in both my immediate and church family caused me to not lean on people rather than the Lord. I didn’t realize how much I ignored my need to depend on God until Ina pointed out that she has to depend on God because she has no one else; no family members who share her beliefs and no close friends because she’s followed God’s leading moved so much. She pointed out that the rest of us grew up in Christian families and therefore, were provided with other things on which we could lean. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaning on people, God created us to be in relationship with one another. But I do think it’s wrong to go to people before going to God and I’ve been guilty of that multiple times in my life.

I had a plan coming to Kenya, a plan I didn’t verbally acknowledge but one that I let my heart believe in. I’ve come to the point where I feel like I’ve finally let go of that plan and can once again fully trust and depend on God’s best for me. Amazing how it took 6 weeks of being here to once again get me to that place in life, but I’m so thankful. I’ve learned the lesson that God’s ways are far better than mine multiple times in my life…well, I guess since I have to continually be taught the lesson again I haven’t actually “learned” it yet, but I’m working on it. When I release my dreams and desires to God, He comes through in ways far better than I could ask or imagine. So, here I am, an open book, waiting to see what story God wants to write.

I’m starting a craft project with some teenage girls in the coming weeks. A lady from the Canadian team that was here always buys some African looking cards and bookmarks from a shop in Kitale when she comes. The cards are unbelievably simple and can be re-created by local girls. I’m going to teach the girls how to makes the cards, Sandy (the woman in Canada) will buy the cards from the girls. The money from each card can go to funding the expenses of a trade school for the girls, thus keeping them off the streets and providing them with a life they can be proud of. In turn, Sandy gets the cards at a cheaper price and can sell them in Canada to help fund future projects she takes part in when she comes to Kenya. I’m a little nervous about the project because I’m not an art teacher. There are moments when I can be creative, but usually only when I’m inspired. However, I think this is something God wants and thus He’ll work through my weaknesses. Plus, I get to invest in the lives of a few teenage girls here, that thought alone brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. We’ll see what God does with it.

That’s me, incredibly imperfect but wonderfully loved.

Finding My Way

This morning I woke up ridiculously early and decided to go watch the sunrise. It's was such a sweet time with the Lord. The sunrise was gorgeous. It was a cloudy morning, but right where the sun was coming up was a thin break in the clouds. So because the light rays could only break through that small opening, as the sun rose it created this beautiful orange/pink color in a complete circle all around the sky. Then as the sun continued to rise, the orange/pink color faded, but right where the sun was coming up began to glow more and became more radiant. To me that just spoke of God's love for me...it was one of those moments where I felt like the sunrise was a special moment between me and God, like He created it for me and if I focused on God I'll be able to radiate with His love. That might have been alot to get out of a sunrise, but it's true.

God revealed alot to me this morning but the main lesson was the fact that I can find freedom in Him. I had put pressure on myself when I first got here (Kenya) to be something I couldn't because I allowed myself to be trapped by the lies of Satan. But as I read my Bible this morning the word freedom just kept sticking out to me and I found confidence in the fact that not only can I find freedom in being who He created me to be, but that's what I should do. Why had I not remembered that before now? I don't know. But I realized that I don't have to change who I am because I'm in Kenya. If I want to say "hi" to people as I walk down the street, I'm should. If I want to call a cashier by his/her name as I'm being checked out at a store I should. I restricted myself to who I thought I should be in Kenya rather than who God created me to be.

I feel like when I got here, I was stripped of everything I held onto and found completeness in...everything except my relationship with Christ. The kids didn't run to me like they did in Dallas, I didn't have any tasks that I needed to take charge of and lead, I was just as new as everyone else so being hospitible was difficult... I never realized how much confidence I found in those things...I never realized how much I leaned on those things to find my self worth.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm strenghtening my relationship with God, building my friendship with Meredith, investing time in our interns and loving people. There were moments today when my heart is so full that I think I could have exploded with joy. Finding joy... no choosing decisely to be joyful through all circumstances is what I want.

I don't have to "find my way". God already laid it out for me, I just have to be sensitive to His leading and obey His commands.