Finding My Way

This morning I woke up ridiculously early and decided to go watch the sunrise. It's was such a sweet time with the Lord. The sunrise was gorgeous. It was a cloudy morning, but right where the sun was coming up was a thin break in the clouds. So because the light rays could only break through that small opening, as the sun rose it created this beautiful orange/pink color in a complete circle all around the sky. Then as the sun continued to rise, the orange/pink color faded, but right where the sun was coming up began to glow more and became more radiant. To me that just spoke of God's love for me...it was one of those moments where I felt like the sunrise was a special moment between me and God, like He created it for me and if I focused on God I'll be able to radiate with His love. That might have been alot to get out of a sunrise, but it's true.

God revealed alot to me this morning but the main lesson was the fact that I can find freedom in Him. I had put pressure on myself when I first got here (Kenya) to be something I couldn't because I allowed myself to be trapped by the lies of Satan. But as I read my Bible this morning the word freedom just kept sticking out to me and I found confidence in the fact that not only can I find freedom in being who He created me to be, but that's what I should do. Why had I not remembered that before now? I don't know. But I realized that I don't have to change who I am because I'm in Kenya. If I want to say "hi" to people as I walk down the street, I'm should. If I want to call a cashier by his/her name as I'm being checked out at a store I should. I restricted myself to who I thought I should be in Kenya rather than who God created me to be.

I feel like when I got here, I was stripped of everything I held onto and found completeness in...everything except my relationship with Christ. The kids didn't run to me like they did in Dallas, I didn't have any tasks that I needed to take charge of and lead, I was just as new as everyone else so being hospitible was difficult... I never realized how much confidence I found in those things...I never realized how much I leaned on those things to find my self worth.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm strenghtening my relationship with God, building my friendship with Meredith, investing time in our interns and loving people. There were moments today when my heart is so full that I think I could have exploded with joy. Finding joy... no choosing decisely to be joyful through all circumstances is what I want.

I don't have to "find my way". God already laid it out for me, I just have to be sensitive to His leading and obey His commands.