Letting Go

It has now been 11 days since the rioting in Kenya began. 11 days of people suffering from the tension and fear that lingers in the air. Though just a week and half, 11 days is a long time to be living in a community where you're not sure if the neighbor you used to talk to is your friend or enemy. It's a long time to wonder if when you leave your home, you'll be able to return safely. It's a long time to wonder a riot is going to erupt and you're going to get caught in the middle of it.

Yesterday, (Sunday) I was starting to feel the weight of the 11 days, and I live in Dallas, TX, 8534 miles away from Kitale (I looked the distance up online). During the past 11 days there were times when Kenya came to mind and I felt as though I was just repeating a set of phrases without having my heart truly engaged. There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night, not sure what to pray for. Then there were times when I felt prayed out.

As I was sending out the latest blog from my friend, trying to keep others informed, something inside of me snapped and I felt like crying. I held off the tears until our family prayer time an hour later and I was talking to my family about it I basically just broke down. I realized it was the first time I had allowed myself to truly cry. Tears had trickled down my cheeks before as I read stories and looked at pictures, but I had never cried. My sweet little brother (i say little, but he's bigger than me, just younger) came over, put his arm around me and just let me cry. He was also smart enough to bring some kleenexes along with him. It felt really good to release it. I realized I had not truly let go and given it all to God, I was still holding on to some part of it, my dad called me out on that.

I went outside later that night with my guitar and for 2 hours just looked at the stars, prayed and played. It was so good for me. I was able to relinquish control, something that's not easy for me. But as I sat outside and looked at the stars I felt so small, and it felt good to be small. It felt good to let go. Surprise, surprise, right? (wink)

Today as I was cleaning out my collections of email, I ran across this chain letter. Normally I just delete them, but for some reason I decided to open this one. It's a prayer and it was a blessing for me to read and hit on several of the major points I've struggled with over the past 11 days.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

So, though there is still tension in the air. Though there are still police roaming the streets. Though there is still a shortage of some basic commodities. God is at work and He is good, all the time.