Working Through Faith and Trust

This week my church suffered a great loss. Brian Geiger was an intricate part of Redeemer. He was not only a husband, father, son and friend but he was also a shining example of faith and grace. Brian was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had been seeking treatment. His battle was one my church family was deeply involved in. Several weeks ago he took a turn for the worst and had to undergo emergency brain surgery to remove the tumor. This surgery not only brought hope to his family, but also to the many who had spent countless hours in prayer. The doctors were hopeful he would recover. Wednesday night Brian got to see our Lord and Savior face to face. He was ushered into glory surrounded by his closely knit family who were reciting Psalm 23 and singing the doxology. To his last breath Brian was polite and gracious. If you asked him how he was (a question he undoubtedly was asked a hundred times a day) he was graciously tell you exactly how he was doing, always with a smile on his face and a trust in God that was remarkable.

My heart goes through a battle at times like this. I want to rejoice that Brian is no longer suffering. I want to be jealous that he's in heaven while I'm still stuck here on earth. However, in my human frailty I question God's plan, "are you sure you know what you're doing Lord?" because it doesn't make sense to me. I wanted a miracle.

While I'm still processing through this loss, I read an article about the rise of teenage prostitution in Kenya:

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jULzMcr9yht2kOPb_EEQt56B6f3wD928U1MG0

To read a child's account of her life as a prostitute because it's the only way to feed her parents and siblings...it's almost too much for me to take in. It makes me angry and it makes my heart hurt. Once again I find myself questioning God's plan. To me, my way makes more sense; it seems better. And I'm caught in the lie of thinking my way of doing things would bring God more glory. But it won't.

In times like this I find myself searching for the reassurance that My God is a great big God who is in control. I leave you with sections of Psalms 37 that spoke to my heart and gave me the reassurance I was seeking:

Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.