Questions

Well, I just arrived back in the States from Kitale, Kenya. All I want to do is hop back on a plane, travel across the ocean, and get back to Africa. I was told that once I stepped foot in Africa it would forever hold a piece of my heart, well it's true. I fell in love with the culture, the people, even the smells. But now I'm back in the States.

As I stepped off the plane, and into the Denver Airport I was struck by how different my life could be, and how easy it would be to slide back into the normal everyday life I used to live. I have so much here in the states, and I take it all for granted. I took a hot shower today and was amazed at the water pressure and the fact that the water stayed hot.

Now I'm struggling with questions. I have a job lined up here for the next 2-3 years. It's an amazing job, and I would love doing that, but is it where I'm supposed to be? While in Africa, we talked alot about God's will for our lives, and here I am struggling with what it means. What does it look like to follow God's call? How do you know when it is God calling, rather than your own wants and desires? Do you have to pick a path before God's begins closing doors, or should you wait?

Right now, at this point in time, I want to go back to Kenya with my whole heart. I want to participate in an internship program through Transformed International for 3 months. But does what I want, line up with what God wants? Too often I get caught up in my own desires, I think that my will and God's will should align, because I want to do whatever I want to do. But that's not the way it works. I'm tired of asking God what HIS will is for MY life. That still sounds selfish to me, it's a good prayer, but often times I think it is too narrow minded. I want to know what God's will is for my generation. I want to know how God wants my life to fit into His plans for my time.

My dream is to work overseas with children in need. Whether that is in Africa, or India or China or anywhere in between, that is the desire of my heart. So where does that leave me? On my knees...