As I type I’m sitting in Coppell at my Aunt’s home listening to planes fly into DFW and wishing I could get on one and fly away. I hear cars drive by on paved roads. I hear the roar of the motor, the whisk in the wind as the car moves past the house, but I don’t hear the birds singing…I miss that noise, the pleasant chirping of birds outside my bedroom window. I miss the quietness, the way that nature sings in the morning and welcomes you to greet the day. The tranquility that came without hearing man made noises brought peace to my soul. I miss it.
I miss the simplicity of Kenya and how you make do with what you have. I’m amazed by the amount of “things” we have within our reach. And how quickly we’re able to get those things. You never have to go wanting. I walked into a grocery store today for the first time since my return and was completely overwhelmed. There were so many options of the same product, just in case you were unhappy with the cheaper version there’s a more expensive one for you to test as well! I just stood in the store awe struck for a minute or two thinking, “this must be what refugees feel like”. I’m also amazed how everything here is big. This is Texas after all, the bigger the better, right =)? But why does everything have to be so elaborate?
More than anything, I miss my dependence on God. In Kenya, especially my first few months, I needed God to get through everyday. I was continuously dependent on Him for every moment. Without Him, I knew there was no way I would survive. I had a hunger to be in His presence, to be in communication with Him because He was all I had, the Rock I could stand on, the listening ear when no one else could understand. He was the driving force behind my choice to stay. He’s the same God as in Kenya. He doesn’t change, but for some reason, my need for Him did.
Being constantly dependent on God, trusting Him with everything, I don’t know how to do that here. Nor do I know why it’s different here. I don’t understand how my inner need for God can change based on the continent under my feet. Life in America is comfortable for me. I’m encouraged and built up when I’m here. I know my family and friends love me. I know I have countless resources available. I know I can make a call and someone will be there for me. It wasn’t always like that in Kenya. There were times when I felt very alone and isolated and I knew all I had was God. I had to learn to lean on Him in a new way. And right now, I’m already turning back to my old ways.
America has a way of making you independent. For example: transportation. In Kenya, we relied on public transportation to get anywhere. It was that or using our legs for walking (which we did a lot). We were dependent on someone else to drive us where we needed to go, and trusted God that the vehicle was going to get us there safely. But in taking public transportation you have to wait. You have to wait for the vehicle to fill up with passengers. You have to wait at the driver makes countless stops to pick up people more people to put in the already full vehicle. You have to wait while he load or unloads something for someone. You have to wait as people pile in and pile out of the vehicle. You have to wait when they stop for gas. You have to wait at police checks. There’s just a lot of waiting involved. We could probably get places twice as fast if we had our own vehicle. But that independence wasn’t an option, you had to be dependent. It’s part of their lifestyle.
Kenya is also a much slower paced society. People run on “Kenyan time”, in fact, if you want someone to be at a meeting on time, you have to say, “that’s 9:00am AMERICAN time” or else you’ll have to wait. That’s because Kenyans take their time Rarely is a matter too urgent to walk past someone rather than stop and talk to each other. Community is encouraged through people not being in such a hurry. Contrast that mindset to the American lifestyle. I was at a coffee shop the other day and out of the 17 patrons, I was the only one without a laptop computer. In the coffee shop there were tables designed for 4 people, yet only one person would be sitting at them. I just laughed. Here are several people all quietly typing away at their laptops taking up every available table in the coffee shop (I’m looking for a place to sit at this coffee shop). No sense of community was fostered, everyone was in their own little world sitting at their own table, typing on their own laptop. This would NEVER happen in Kenya. If someone needed a place to sit and there’s an available chair at your table, they’ll sit there. It’s common, they don’t have to ask, it’s just part of the culture. It’s not rude, so no one will get offended. They don’t expect you to talk to them, or engage them in anyway, but you can. It’s part of this sharing mentality that America seems to have lost.
I’m adjusting and learning how to be okay with not being okay. Some parts of the American culture frustrate me and I continually pray for grace in my interactions with people. In 2 weeks I head to Europe with my sisters and brother-in-law for a back-packing adventure. I think it will be good for my soul to take a small vacation from this culture, maybe it will help me gain some perspective.
Currently, I’m living at home and waiting on God to show me what He wants from me next. I have no future plans, no job possibilities as of yet and I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m really enjoying having free time. It allows me to meet with people and tell my story, or re-connect with what God did in their life over the past 6 months.
This will be my last email concerning my Africa Adventure. If you want to stay up dated on my life I’m going to start posting blogs again on my blog site: raikesadventures.blogspot.com. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. It was a life changing experience and I couldn’t have done it without your encouragement and support.
I’d like to leave you with a few verses that meant a lot to me in Kenya and were of constant encouragement.
“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete be being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2: 1-11
1 comment:
you... you i love :)
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