Amazing Grace

I recently went to the movies to see the film "Amazing Grace". While sitting in the dark movie theatre watching William Wilberforce's life unfold on the screen I was moved to make a change in my life. William Wilberforce spent 17 years fighting to abolish slavery. He saw an injustice, decided it wasn't right, and fought to change it. Our world is so full of injustices, but I've become separate from them, and that's not right!!

I decided to write down several quotes to caught my attention during the film. I would like to share them with you as well as my thoughts.

Background: William Wilberforce is playing cards with a "friend", his friend has run out of money, yet still wants to continue playing. He asks Wilberforce what he will let him wager. Wilberforce responds "there is nothing you have that I want" to which this friend tells someone to "go get my Niger".
Wilberforce leaves the table, his friend follows him outside and says, "it's like you've never seen slavery before" to which Wilberforce responds:

"For me it's like arsenic, each new tiny dose doubles the effect"

-What is like arsenic for me? Have I become so hardened against the injustices of this world that they no longer effect me? What injustice do I need to fight against?

"You've found God sir?" - Wilberforce's servant Richard
"I think He found me...do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?"
- William Wilberforce

-This quote made me laugh at first, however, the more I thought about it the more truth I saw in it. I have so many promising opportunities here in the states. I could get a well paying job and live my life in leisure and comfort. Instead, God got a hold of my heart and opened my eyes to the need for missions, now I'm ready to sacrifice it all.

"You've read my letter, but you've not taken in a word of it!!"
-William Wilberforce

- I do this so often with the Bible. I read it, but I don't take it in. God's letter for me holds lessons I need to learn, and thoughts that will change my life, but I don't take them in. I can see God saying this to me.

"Although my memory is fading, I remember two things:
I am a GREAT SINNER and
CHRIST is a GREAT SAVIOR."
-John Newton

-This quote doesn't need much explaining. It is just a good reminder to me of God's grace, mercy and love. John Newton was a very smart man.

Those are some of my thoughts regarding this movie. I walked out ready to conquer all the injustices of the world. Now, after time to meditate on my thoughts and feelings, I pray God will show me what injustice He needs me to fight for.

I GET IT!!!

"Every tongue, tribe and nation will have some of its redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, by Jesus Christ and His sacrifice and they WILL stand before the throne worshiping Him forever (Rev. 7:9)

"The gospel of the kingdom WILL be proclaimed throughout the WHOLE WOLRD as a testimony to ALL NATIONS and THEN the end will come" (Mat. 24:14)

-This is going to happen!! This is the conclusion of time. God is not a liar!

Okay, I get it! I really truly get it! God has a heart for the nations and He's not coming back until at least one person from every tribe, tongue and nation has heard of His name. I GET to be part of that process. It's my job to get the NEWs out (capitalized because it will be "new" to unreached people groups). I understand. Finally, after 23 years of living I understand, and I'm willing to do it. Every tribe, tongue, and nation of bust!! That's God's heart and if I'm seeking Him, then it needs to be my heart too.

HERE I AM... SEND ME. Stir in me a passion for the nations; for Your heart.

Boiler Room

Yet another train of thoughts from World Mandate:

I'm sitting in the boiler room surrounded by prayer warriors, by intercessors for Christ. God, burden my heart with a nation, with a people. Show me what to do with this new out-look on life Lord.

God, I KNOW you have gifted me to world with children. I read statistics about orphans, child laborers, child soldiers, child trafficking, etc. and my body literally aches for them Lord. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE!! That's the cry, the unsilenceable scream of my heart: WHERE LORD?

Lord God, I need your courage and your strength to go out from this place and seek you with abandon. Don't let me take all this and make it a weekend memory God. I want...no, I NEED to be changed and moved by You, by the nations, but the people you desperately want to be Yours.

Tonight, my face a sleeves are covered with salty tears because I was weeping for Your people. I was so heavily burdened for every tribe, tongue, people and nation that I was sobbing. God, show my Your heart, let me feel Your heart beating in me.

A New Rhythm

I attended a world mandate conference the first weekend of February, and these are some of my thoughts thoughout the weekend:

My heart has never been moved the way it was moved tonight. A seemingly never ending stream of tears just keep falling from my eyes. The speaker, Heather Mercer, talked about living life as a fool for Christ. Tonight, for the first time, I truly wanted that. I was my heart to be moved. I was to be a crazy fool for God. But already I can feel myself wanting to go to my comfortable lifestyle.

I would LOVE to live in this earthly kingdom I've created, where Christ can conform to my lifestyle. But that's not the true and righteous desire of my heart. The REAL desire is to see God's kingdom, His supernatural kingdom come to earth. I want, I desire to seek that kingdom; to live my life with abandon to God. I want to make a difference in the population of the eternal kingdom.

I don't know how, I don't know where, I don't know when. But, I know with an uncanny, absolute certainty that God moved, the Spirit moved in my heart tonight, and I will never be the same.

World Mandate

I recently returned from a conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. The conference is sponsored by Antioch Community Church, and occurs annually on the first weekend of February. This was my first year to attend the conference, thanks to the promptings of a close friend, Chase Willsey, and God completely changed my life!!

I never thought I was supposed to be a missionary. I believe in missions and I support people who go, and I thought that was going to be me role. I was going to be a sender for the rest of my life. God changed that plan (something He like to regularly do). I cannot completely describe what happened to me at the conference, but I can tell you that my heart beats to a different rhythm now. I have NEVER had such an intimate experience with God, and now all I want is more. I crave to be in His presence, I yearn to know Him more, and I ache for his children who don't know who He is.

When I say ache, I mean it, I literally feel pain for children in other countries. I have always known God wanted me to work with children, but I have never felt pain for children suffering in other countries. I read statistics on children at this conference and was crying over them. God moved my heart into action and I finally get "it". Christ has let me see His heart for the nations, and I have FINALLY paid attention.

New Year's Resolution

Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I re-evaluate my life. There's something about the beginning of January...I suddenly feel motivated to keep my apartment clean, to eat healthier, to exercise, and to spend more time with God. The problem is that all that motivation goes down the drain when I forget about it in roughly 1 month.

Funny how a new year makes you think of all the things in your life you want to change. Every year, right at the beginning of January I re-evaluate my life. In all God's wisdom, He always places on my heart a need to seek Him more. EVERY year I make a goal to spend more time iwht God; more time in prayer, in the Bible, etc. The problem is my life really isn't in bad shape, so I trick myself into thinking "I can do this", it's so easy for me to forget that every good and perfect gift comes from God.

Why does God continue to use me as an example to others? I'll never know the answer to that question, but I'm sure He has a plan.

I don't want to make lofty promises this year. Right now, I do want to seek God more and cherish my relationship with Him, but I know a time will come, probably a time very soon, when I will once again think "I can do this", and God will have to bring me back here to this humbled state.

I think my goal for this year should be to live a life of excellence. I was recently reminded of what excellence looks like through a Young Life camp called Crooked Creek Ranch. They served campers above and beyond the call of duty and I was very impressed. It made me want to seek that mentality; the mentality that just passing isn't good enough, that a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich isn't good enough, not when I know I can do better, not when I can make a real meal.

That's what has been on my heart today, to be excellent in what I do, not perfect, not the best, not OCDC, but to excell in everything I try; to give it my all.

A Day in the Life

Raikeeeze's Adventures
It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to post something here, but today for some reason, it just seemed fitting. The weather outside is cloudy and it feels very wintery, but for some reason, by spirit is pushed by something joyful and bright. See, on Friday night, I went to go see the movie THE NATIVITY, it's the new Christmas movie that came out this year, and it depicts the birth of Jesus. The movie wasn't the best one I've seen, but it definitely gave me new eyes when I think about the Christmas story. I'm such a visual person, so when I saw the way Mary and Joseph were treated, when I saw Herod's hatred for the prophesized messiah, when I saw the lowly shephards, I could view them with new, fresh eyes.

Saturday was a crazy day for me!! I had a service project to organize and accomplish with 102 crazy kids screaming and wanting to do anything but work.

Then today in church, my pastor talked about the crucifixion of Jesus. I know strange to be talking about Christ's death, when we're so close to the day when we celebrate his birth, however, the sermon really completed the story of Jesus for me; it brought it full circle. And now my thoughts are completely jumbled. Our pastor talked about the Trinity relating to Jesus' crucifixion, and how is must have felt for one part of the three, but yet a part of each of them to be taking on the sins of the world! I can't even fathom that, nor have I ever thought about it.

And then, I thought about the love story intertwined throughout the crucifixion, and that is where I'm stuck. I just finished reading a story about the love shared by a cowboy and a cowgirl. The cowboy is a bull rider because he equates conquering bulls to fighting his anger towards his dad for leaving when he was just a small boy. The cowgirls is a barrel racer who has cystic fibrosis (a lung disease) but loves being on a horse back more than anything in the world. The two fall in love, even though she is only expected to live for a couple of years. The story was amazing, because as I got wrapped up in it, I could feel that the boy would literally do anything for the girl, because he had that much love for her.

then I thought about Christ's love for me and how it doesn't even compare to the boys love for the girl. That's where I'm stuck, that's what I'm thinking about and trying to wrap my mind and heart around. That's what I'm learning.

God is so Good

Raikeeeze's Adventures
So, I had the priveledge of going to a Bible Study with some other girls who are a part of the Extreme Serve team here at camp. The girls on Extreme Serve all perform duties that make camp function, but are hardly ever recognized for it. Their duties include things like working in the kitchen, organizing crafts, working in the office, nannying, etc. The Bible study was amazing!! We're working through the book i am not, but know that I AM by louie giglio (I think that's how you spell it). I totally recommend the book, it's incredible. Anyhow, the book is all about how God is everything, and we are his vessels. It's all about service for Him, how it should look, etc. I was so blessed by the women in the group. The openess and honesty in the group was amazing. My favorite part though was when the leader brought up Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. I realized so often that I try to please men. I like their approval, and being accepted by them, but that shouldn't be my goal in life. If I want to serve Christ, if I want to be His servant, then I need to seek His approval only.

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

Another day, at Camp War Eagle. I've been working as a nanny this session for some of the permanent staff kids and have had the oppotunity to work with a little girl who has Autism. I never thought I could be one of those people who enjoyed work with disabled children, but come to find out, I am. I enjoy solving problems, and working with a little 5 year old who has the mental functioning of a 1 1/2 year old is definitely a challenge. She can't talk the way I talk, instead, her language is a mixture of sounds and noises (i.e. eh, ah, kis, etc.) But each sound has a meaning, and each meaning is important to her. She loves it when people talk to her in her own language, even though all they can do is repeat what she says.

Despite her disabilities, she is truly a special child. It has been a joy to watch her grow and explore at camp from the feeling of sand inbetween her toes, to the smell of horses, to me helping her complete a front roll in the gymnastics center. I can tell that she is taking in everything and it is all being logged into a special part of her mind. It is a good reminder for me that I need to continue to live each day with that kind of excitement. I need to enjoy life and take everything in because I will never have another day like today.

Camp Adventures

Well, here I am working at Camp War Eagle for the summer. It will definitely be a different summer, but I love the camp atmosphere. I love the energy, the crazy chants, the great sleep (hahaha), but mostly I love the kids and watching them change throughout the duration of camp. I enjoy being able to be a small part of their lives. It is amazing to watch God work through my weaknesses and use me even when I am so tired I don't think I can go one anymore. More adventurous stories to come...