Soothing to my soul

Lately, I've been desiring a community of friends. I have friends in the DFW area, but they all live at least 25 minutes away from me. I hadn't realized how blessed I'd been to have a community of close friends basically dropped in my life all my life. Now, I'm having to search them out and was beginning to feel discouraged. Then this weekend arrived, and though I still haven't found a close group of friends, my thirst for them got a big drink.

My weekend started on Thursday. I took half a day off, and headed to the state fair with my family and friend. I hadn't been to the fair since my senior year of high school, so going back was different, but great. This is "Big Tex" every 30 minutes or so he greets everyone at the fair, he's been around since 1952, he's an old man!! Between the 8 people I was with, I think we tried ever kind of fair food possible - corn dogs, onion strings, tornado taters, turkey legs, funnel cakes, tamales, deep fried banana pudding, etc. It's been awhile since I've eaten that much grease, my body revolted because I didn't feel good the rest of the night. But hanging out and continuing to build up my relationships with my family and friends was wonderful.

Friday was supposed to be my night to pray for Muslims around the world. So, as usual, my sister Kristen and I jumped in the car and headed off to North Dallas. The problem was that when we arrived, no one was there. Jared and Bethany, the two people who are essentially in charge of this group got caught up in planning "A Night in SE Asia" for Frontiers ministries 25th anniversary and forgot to inform the rest of the group that we weren't meeting. So we all showed up, were all surprised that no one was home, but rather than go our separate ways, we fellowshipped with one another. Kristen and I stood around talking with Matt and Tabitha for almost an hour. We talked about their next step in raising support full-time so they can go out on the mission field. We talked about our passions for reaching other people groups. we talked about the upcoming "Night in SE Asia" that we're all attending and what we were looking forward to. The time seemed to pass by so quickly, and I was so blessed by our conversation.

After we said our goodbyes, Kristen and I headed to White Rock Coffee House to hear Matt Bridgman perform. We walked into the sound of many "hellos" from some of the college students who attend out church. After a round of hugs and brief conversations, Kristen and I headed upstairs with our hot chai to enjoy each other's company as well as the music. Much to our delight Matt's dad, Shawn, came upstairs to join us. As we talked our conversation turned from the shallow "how are you?" to a true "how are YOU?". What a blessing it was. We talked about our church and things we appreciate about the body, and things we would like to see happen in the coming years. We talked about some of our struggles in life and how it's okay to share our struggles with one another, that's what makes us part of the body of Christ. It was such a blessing to hear a father in the church had the same perspective I did. Kristen and I ended up venturing downstairs to talk with Matt's mom, Renee. Again, I was blessed by my conversation with this woman. We talked about missions and her passion for the world. We talked about our own passions and where we saw God working in our lives. She invited us over to her home anytime, and I know she means it. My sister has ventured over there before at 2am and walked into Renee making pancakes for them. All of these conversations took place while I listened to Matt play his guitar and sing. The final song was based on Psalms 130:5-6

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning
more than watchmen for the morning

What a beautiful picture of waiting for God. Looking for Him, more than a tired graveyard shift watchmen looks for the morning. That was just Friday.

Saturday, I attended a Mad Hatters Tea Party in memory of one of my friends mothers. Women from all mile-makers in my life were there and we were all wearing hats! It was a wonderful time for me to fellowship with other women and enjoy their company.

Saturday evening, I volunteered my time to Frontier Mission's 25th Anniversary celebration, "A Night in SE Asia" (mentioned previously). The dinner was held at the Gaylord Texan: Resort Hotel and Convention Center. I've never been in a hotel this big before, and truthfully, though it's massiveness was impressive, I didn't feel comfortable. It seemed unnecessary to have something so large. They even had a separate entrance for "Stars" I took of picture of it, just because it's not a sign you see everyday. But the hotel and convention center was packed. It was good to hear about what God is doing in other countries and to visit with people who want to change the world. I even met a couple who told me they were so encouraged to see so many young people at the event because they don't feel called to "go", but they can "send".

All in all, my weekend was jam packed, and I was completely exhausted afterwards, but it was fulfilling, and much needed. It gave me the tenacity to keep searching, but also to capitalize on the relationships I already have and take the time to talk with people. I hope many more weekends like this follow. I have a few pictures I'll post later.

Isaiah 61:1

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me,
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound."

This verse is written on a little card that I have been carrying around with me for 2 weeks now. For fourteen days I have looked at this verse everyday, multiple times a day, memorizing it, searing it in my heart, grappling with how to apply it in my life.

Last week I watch a documentary film called Glue Boys (www.glueboys.com). The film centers around 9 boys who live on the streets of Kitale, Kenya and sniff glue to ward off hunger pains and the cold night air. Though filmed in Kitale, the picture also encompasses street children all over the world who turn to glue for "relief".

As I watched the film with tears streaming down my face two emotions waged a war inside me. The first was a breaking heart. Now, I know that's not really an "emotion", but it is something I distinctly felt, so go along with me. The second emotion was anger. A deep, bordering on hateful anger at companies who provide the glue, knowing it goes to street kids, just so they can make a profit.

How do these two strings of thought relate? The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. Children who live on the street are among the poorest of the poor. They have no where to sleep. They rarely have any possessions other than the clothes on their back. They scavenge in trash piles for something to eat, hoping it doesn't make them sick. You can't get much poorer than that.

But what breaks my heart the most is that most street children choose to live on the streets. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. These children choose this lifestyle because they are bound to the glue. They are captive to the illusion of freedom life on the street brings. They are in a prison they have created and often don't want to leave. Though convicted of my hatred towards companies who knowingly provide glue to street children, anger still burns within me. How dare multi-million (maybe even billion) dollar companies take advantage of innocent children. There are ways to make the glue irritable to nasal passages, yet still effective for its intended purpose. But companies, corrupted by the desire for wealth, refuse to make such changes to their product.

There are homes all over the world dedicated to giving children the chance to get off the streets. But they often run away from these homes because the kingdom of the world tells them that glue is easier. The world feeds them the lie that sniffing glue will solve the problems life on the street brings. It will erase the memories, the hunger pains, and the cold, and eventually kill them. Glue will eventually kill any child who habitually sniffs it. But it does more than kill them physically, it kills their innocence. It kills their warmth. It kills their hearts. Glue takes away from them the chance to be a child.

Why do I care? According to the world's standards their presence on the streets shouldn't affect me, but it does. Granted, I haven't traveled many places where I have been struck by the poverty surrounding me, but I have seen a 3 year old, barefoot little boy on the street, clothed in only a t-shirt, and looking in a pile of trash for some food. I have seen children so thin their rib cage protrudes out from their body. And I have seen multiple kids walking around on the streets, a glue bottle tucked inside their sleeve, so "high" they can't even walk straight. Though I don't see these children in my everyday life, I love them. I don't want them to be on the street, imprisoned by their desire for glue. I want them to go to bed every night with a full stomach and warm covers. I want them to live in the freedom Christ offers.

What happens now? Where do I go from here? I go to the ONLY place I can, down on my knees. Praying for their freedom, and spiritually backing up anyone who is trying to help.

Weekend Adventures

This past weekend was jam packed with fun times!

Friday night, my sister and her husband came down for my cousin's wedding and stayed the weekend with us. It was so great to see them again. This is my sister and me at the wedding. I miss her alot!!



Saturday night we headed off to the Mesquite Rodeo. Can you believe I've lived in Mesquite for close to 15 years now and this was my first time to go to the Mesquite Rodeo? My family always planned to go when I was busy. It was fun. This is the gang that went to the rodeo with us.

The rodeo was so much fun!! Totally corny at times, but so much fun! I've decided some cowboys are just asking to get hurt. They play this game at the rodeo called bull poker. They sit four cowboys around a card table, then let an angry bull loose in the area. The last cowboy out of his chair wins. You can look at the pictures below.

It was so great to have our entire family together again. With all the changes that took place in my life, processing through my family not being in one location was one of those things I pushed aside. Having Valerie and the dynamic she brings back in our family...well it's making me work through that change. I really missed her, didn't know how much until she came back.

Anyhow, that was my weekend. Full of good life lessons and lots of fun times.

New Scriptural Lenses

Friday night I again traveled with my sister to North Dallas to attend Oasis Prayer (Muslim prayer time). Friday was a special night because we were blessed to have a man named Nabeel Jabbour with us. Nabeel works with The Navigators and specializes in Eastern thought. He explained to us that there are 4 paradigms in the Bible that we use to teach scripture. 1) guilt and righteousness, 2) shame and honor, 3) clean and unclean, 4) fear and power. He told us that as westerners we latch onto the guilt and righteous paradigm because it follows a logical progression. Most of us are familiar with the Roman Road because it also follows the logical progression, and that it how many of us tell unbelievers about Christ. However, Muslims do not feel guilt. I know, weird phenomenon, but they don't ever feel guilty. So if I explain the gospel to them using the Roman road, or really any of Paul's epistles, it doesn't stick with them because they can't connect with the guilt righteousness paradigm.

When Paul wrote his epistles, he wrote them to the Greeks. When Jesus was speaking about the kingdom of heaven He did not tell people about a step by step process, He spoke in parables because He spoke to the Hebrews. Jesus' parables contain a wealth of information that Easterners can relate to. Though they don't feel guilty, they do feel unclean and shameful. That is the root of their concern and when you speak to them about cleanliness, or honor it hits home and settles in their heart.

Nabeel walked us through several parables to teach us what to look for when reading the Bible with these new scriptural lenses. The most powerful parable was that of the prodigal son. I had never heard the story explained the way Nabeel explained it, but it makes perfect sense. When I read the story with the shame/honor paradigm in mind and know just even a little bit about the culture in those times, the story came to life in a way it never had before. It refreshed me and drew me closer to Jesus because I could see how this story was alive, and still impacted so many people. A story I once regarded as a child's story; a good Sunday school lesson, now has new meaning and lessons for me to learn.

It also provokes questions that need to be answered:

How does this story parallel the life of Jesus? In my mind, I'm the prodigal son. I grasp onto the sin of entitlement, I think I am "entitled" to my wants/desires. I am a sinner, who thankfully was broken and came back to my heavenly father, hoping He would accept me as His servant. Instead of rejecting me, as He should have done, He runs to greet me, not caring if He looks like a fool. He opens His arms and accepts me into His family, and all heaven rejoices that I have come. The older brother is a like the pharisees. He works hard, obeys the laws, but does not understand mercy and grace. He does not think I deserve such treatment, for I have done nothing to earn it, and he's right. I have done nothing to deserve God's love, but He continually gives it to me.

Why does the story abruptly end? We never find out what happens. I want to know how the older brother reacts. But the story is just cut off after the father's gentle rebuke to his oldest son. If we're still paralleling this to the life of Christ, then here's what happens in my imagination. The older son leaves his father's home angry and upset and the father goes back into the house to serve the guests at the party. While in town the son starts spreading lies about his father, wanting to drag his reputation through the mud. He wants people to despise his father the way he does, so he'll tell them anything to make them attack him, which they do. The people attack and crucify him, even though he committed no sin. The son is the pharisees, while the father is Jesus. I have no biblical basis for this thought, but it's how I imagine the story unfolding.

I took 4 pages of notes during this 45 minute lecture. It was refreshing to be in a learning environment, and I was reminded that I'm always in a learning environment, if I'm only patient enough to listen. God graciously reveals Himself to me in new ways all the time, I just need to look at my life and the world through His eyes, not my own.

God's ways continually amaze me. I was so nervous the first time I traveled to this prayer meeting, that I felt sick to my stomach, I didn't want to be stretched or pulled outside my comfort zone. Now, just one week later the group, through God's grace, is enriching my life and giving me a fresh perspective on Bible lessons I've heard since I was a child. God is so good!!

Fellowship and Prayer

This past Friday night, my friend Meredith, my sister Kristen and I attended a prayer meeting. The specific prayer time focused on Muslims around the world during ramadan. On our way to north dallas, I was beginning to feel a little un-easy. I don't have a heart for Muslims; they aren't a people group I'm passionate about and I don't know much about them. Plus, many times I believe the lie Satan feeds me that my prayers are inadequate and insufficient. We arrived late to Bethany's, and walked in on the group already deep in prayer. Feeling even more uncomfortable at this, I quietly made my way through the room, sat down and started talking to God. My plea, was that my heart would be engaged and not down cast and that I would not allow myself to be distracted during this time.

After Matt ended his prayer, we introduced ourselves to the group. There was a total of 9 people in the room, including the 3 of us. Matt, his wife Tabbitha and their 5 week old daughter Abigail. Bethany, John Mark, and Jared. We briefly talked about ourselves, and then Jared brought us back on track. Praying with people I do not know is something I'm learning to become comfortable with, but I'm not there yet, so my plan was to listen to everyone's prayers and keep my thoughts between me and God. I tried not to panic when Jared handed me a pamphlet on praying around the world for Muslims during ramadan, and said we were all going to pray for a specific country. As the prayed I would remain calm and when my turn came around, I found myself speaking from my heart. It was a very powerful experience, I don't know where the words came from, but they just flowed out.

During our fellowship time, Kristen, Meredith and I mentioned that we would like to empower the younger generation of our church to reach out to the community and to become involved in church life, but how we were struggling with getting the older generation to support us in that effort. There are so many ministry opportunities around the DFW area, we just need to find the place where God wants us. The group covered the 3 of us in prayer and I walked away from the night feeling as if I could conquer the world.

As the prayer night ended and we talked I was reminded that when I pray, I need to pray with confidence; I need to expect things to happen when I pray. I so often forget what a powerful tool prayer is. Christ tore the veil the separated us from God when he died on the cross, giving us full access to God's ear. Why do I doubt? I know the answer to that question, but I don't want to accept it, and I don't have to. There is no reason to doubt, no reason to prayer without confidence. I serve a mighty God who can accomplish whatever I ask of Him.

I was also reminded that it doesn't matter if I have a heart for Muslims or not. The Lord calls me to prayer for those who do not know him. That's part of being a member of the body of Christ. It's supporting my sister in her passions and empowering her. It's being connected to a new group of people who I'm instantly drawn to because we're part of Christ's family. God wants my heart to break with the things that break His heart, so whether or not I'm passionate about Muslims, I both can and need to pray for them. It's a lesson I learned that I hope to never forget.

Life's Changes

Last month, I was a 23 year old who had just finished her second summer at Camp War Eagle, and was the director of a follow-up ministry called "Ozone". This month, I have left Arkansas, moved to Dallas, had my twin sister get married, move into an apartment by myself and started a new job as the director of children's ministry. All that to say, this past month has been a whirlwind with lots of emotional ups and downs. But I'm stronger because of it, as cliche as that might sound, it's true.

As hard as it was leaving friends who I grew to love and admire in Arkansas, drive down to Dallas, I know now that I made some kind of an impact on their lives. As emotional as it was to be the maid of honor in my sister's wedding, I got to see two people pledge their lives to each other in a pure and holy way that touched the lives of all who attended the wedding. As weird as it is living in an apartment by myself, I'm discovering how precious solitude and stillness are. And finally, as difficult as it was to start a new job, I'm learning more about the body of Christ, and what it means to be a member of that body.

I'm still processing through so many emotions, but finding joy in a sunshiny day, or a child's laugh. I'm also working through what it means to live and minister to this side of the globe, and connect that with a third world country in Africa I know exists. Lots of changes, lots of thoughts and emotions to work through, but lots of lessons learned.

Questions

Well, I just arrived back in the States from Kitale, Kenya. All I want to do is hop back on a plane, travel across the ocean, and get back to Africa. I was told that once I stepped foot in Africa it would forever hold a piece of my heart, well it's true. I fell in love with the culture, the people, even the smells. But now I'm back in the States.

As I stepped off the plane, and into the Denver Airport I was struck by how different my life could be, and how easy it would be to slide back into the normal everyday life I used to live. I have so much here in the states, and I take it all for granted. I took a hot shower today and was amazed at the water pressure and the fact that the water stayed hot.

Now I'm struggling with questions. I have a job lined up here for the next 2-3 years. It's an amazing job, and I would love doing that, but is it where I'm supposed to be? While in Africa, we talked alot about God's will for our lives, and here I am struggling with what it means. What does it look like to follow God's call? How do you know when it is God calling, rather than your own wants and desires? Do you have to pick a path before God's begins closing doors, or should you wait?

Right now, at this point in time, I want to go back to Kenya with my whole heart. I want to participate in an internship program through Transformed International for 3 months. But does what I want, line up with what God wants? Too often I get caught up in my own desires, I think that my will and God's will should align, because I want to do whatever I want to do. But that's not the way it works. I'm tired of asking God what HIS will is for MY life. That still sounds selfish to me, it's a good prayer, but often times I think it is too narrow minded. I want to know what God's will is for my generation. I want to know how God wants my life to fit into His plans for my time.

My dream is to work overseas with children in need. Whether that is in Africa, or India or China or anywhere in between, that is the desire of my heart. So where does that leave me? On my knees...

Amazing Grace

I recently went to the movies to see the film "Amazing Grace". While sitting in the dark movie theatre watching William Wilberforce's life unfold on the screen I was moved to make a change in my life. William Wilberforce spent 17 years fighting to abolish slavery. He saw an injustice, decided it wasn't right, and fought to change it. Our world is so full of injustices, but I've become separate from them, and that's not right!!

I decided to write down several quotes to caught my attention during the film. I would like to share them with you as well as my thoughts.

Background: William Wilberforce is playing cards with a "friend", his friend has run out of money, yet still wants to continue playing. He asks Wilberforce what he will let him wager. Wilberforce responds "there is nothing you have that I want" to which this friend tells someone to "go get my Niger".
Wilberforce leaves the table, his friend follows him outside and says, "it's like you've never seen slavery before" to which Wilberforce responds:

"For me it's like arsenic, each new tiny dose doubles the effect"

-What is like arsenic for me? Have I become so hardened against the injustices of this world that they no longer effect me? What injustice do I need to fight against?

"You've found God sir?" - Wilberforce's servant Richard
"I think He found me...do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?"
- William Wilberforce

-This quote made me laugh at first, however, the more I thought about it the more truth I saw in it. I have so many promising opportunities here in the states. I could get a well paying job and live my life in leisure and comfort. Instead, God got a hold of my heart and opened my eyes to the need for missions, now I'm ready to sacrifice it all.

"You've read my letter, but you've not taken in a word of it!!"
-William Wilberforce

- I do this so often with the Bible. I read it, but I don't take it in. God's letter for me holds lessons I need to learn, and thoughts that will change my life, but I don't take them in. I can see God saying this to me.

"Although my memory is fading, I remember two things:
I am a GREAT SINNER and
CHRIST is a GREAT SAVIOR."
-John Newton

-This quote doesn't need much explaining. It is just a good reminder to me of God's grace, mercy and love. John Newton was a very smart man.

Those are some of my thoughts regarding this movie. I walked out ready to conquer all the injustices of the world. Now, after time to meditate on my thoughts and feelings, I pray God will show me what injustice He needs me to fight for.

I GET IT!!!

"Every tongue, tribe and nation will have some of its redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, by Jesus Christ and His sacrifice and they WILL stand before the throne worshiping Him forever (Rev. 7:9)

"The gospel of the kingdom WILL be proclaimed throughout the WHOLE WOLRD as a testimony to ALL NATIONS and THEN the end will come" (Mat. 24:14)

-This is going to happen!! This is the conclusion of time. God is not a liar!

Okay, I get it! I really truly get it! God has a heart for the nations and He's not coming back until at least one person from every tribe, tongue and nation has heard of His name. I GET to be part of that process. It's my job to get the NEWs out (capitalized because it will be "new" to unreached people groups). I understand. Finally, after 23 years of living I understand, and I'm willing to do it. Every tribe, tongue, and nation of bust!! That's God's heart and if I'm seeking Him, then it needs to be my heart too.

HERE I AM... SEND ME. Stir in me a passion for the nations; for Your heart.

Boiler Room

Yet another train of thoughts from World Mandate:

I'm sitting in the boiler room surrounded by prayer warriors, by intercessors for Christ. God, burden my heart with a nation, with a people. Show me what to do with this new out-look on life Lord.

God, I KNOW you have gifted me to world with children. I read statistics about orphans, child laborers, child soldiers, child trafficking, etc. and my body literally aches for them Lord. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE!! That's the cry, the unsilenceable scream of my heart: WHERE LORD?

Lord God, I need your courage and your strength to go out from this place and seek you with abandon. Don't let me take all this and make it a weekend memory God. I want...no, I NEED to be changed and moved by You, by the nations, but the people you desperately want to be Yours.

Tonight, my face a sleeves are covered with salty tears because I was weeping for Your people. I was so heavily burdened for every tribe, tongue, people and nation that I was sobbing. God, show my Your heart, let me feel Your heart beating in me.

A New Rhythm

I attended a world mandate conference the first weekend of February, and these are some of my thoughts thoughout the weekend:

My heart has never been moved the way it was moved tonight. A seemingly never ending stream of tears just keep falling from my eyes. The speaker, Heather Mercer, talked about living life as a fool for Christ. Tonight, for the first time, I truly wanted that. I was my heart to be moved. I was to be a crazy fool for God. But already I can feel myself wanting to go to my comfortable lifestyle.

I would LOVE to live in this earthly kingdom I've created, where Christ can conform to my lifestyle. But that's not the true and righteous desire of my heart. The REAL desire is to see God's kingdom, His supernatural kingdom come to earth. I want, I desire to seek that kingdom; to live my life with abandon to God. I want to make a difference in the population of the eternal kingdom.

I don't know how, I don't know where, I don't know when. But, I know with an uncanny, absolute certainty that God moved, the Spirit moved in my heart tonight, and I will never be the same.

World Mandate

I recently returned from a conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. The conference is sponsored by Antioch Community Church, and occurs annually on the first weekend of February. This was my first year to attend the conference, thanks to the promptings of a close friend, Chase Willsey, and God completely changed my life!!

I never thought I was supposed to be a missionary. I believe in missions and I support people who go, and I thought that was going to be me role. I was going to be a sender for the rest of my life. God changed that plan (something He like to regularly do). I cannot completely describe what happened to me at the conference, but I can tell you that my heart beats to a different rhythm now. I have NEVER had such an intimate experience with God, and now all I want is more. I crave to be in His presence, I yearn to know Him more, and I ache for his children who don't know who He is.

When I say ache, I mean it, I literally feel pain for children in other countries. I have always known God wanted me to work with children, but I have never felt pain for children suffering in other countries. I read statistics on children at this conference and was crying over them. God moved my heart into action and I finally get "it". Christ has let me see His heart for the nations, and I have FINALLY paid attention.

New Year's Resolution

Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I re-evaluate my life. There's something about the beginning of January...I suddenly feel motivated to keep my apartment clean, to eat healthier, to exercise, and to spend more time with God. The problem is that all that motivation goes down the drain when I forget about it in roughly 1 month.

Funny how a new year makes you think of all the things in your life you want to change. Every year, right at the beginning of January I re-evaluate my life. In all God's wisdom, He always places on my heart a need to seek Him more. EVERY year I make a goal to spend more time iwht God; more time in prayer, in the Bible, etc. The problem is my life really isn't in bad shape, so I trick myself into thinking "I can do this", it's so easy for me to forget that every good and perfect gift comes from God.

Why does God continue to use me as an example to others? I'll never know the answer to that question, but I'm sure He has a plan.

I don't want to make lofty promises this year. Right now, I do want to seek God more and cherish my relationship with Him, but I know a time will come, probably a time very soon, when I will once again think "I can do this", and God will have to bring me back here to this humbled state.

I think my goal for this year should be to live a life of excellence. I was recently reminded of what excellence looks like through a Young Life camp called Crooked Creek Ranch. They served campers above and beyond the call of duty and I was very impressed. It made me want to seek that mentality; the mentality that just passing isn't good enough, that a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich isn't good enough, not when I know I can do better, not when I can make a real meal.

That's what has been on my heart today, to be excellent in what I do, not perfect, not the best, not OCDC, but to excell in everything I try; to give it my all.

A Day in the Life

Raikeeeze's Adventures
It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to post something here, but today for some reason, it just seemed fitting. The weather outside is cloudy and it feels very wintery, but for some reason, by spirit is pushed by something joyful and bright. See, on Friday night, I went to go see the movie THE NATIVITY, it's the new Christmas movie that came out this year, and it depicts the birth of Jesus. The movie wasn't the best one I've seen, but it definitely gave me new eyes when I think about the Christmas story. I'm such a visual person, so when I saw the way Mary and Joseph were treated, when I saw Herod's hatred for the prophesized messiah, when I saw the lowly shephards, I could view them with new, fresh eyes.

Saturday was a crazy day for me!! I had a service project to organize and accomplish with 102 crazy kids screaming and wanting to do anything but work.

Then today in church, my pastor talked about the crucifixion of Jesus. I know strange to be talking about Christ's death, when we're so close to the day when we celebrate his birth, however, the sermon really completed the story of Jesus for me; it brought it full circle. And now my thoughts are completely jumbled. Our pastor talked about the Trinity relating to Jesus' crucifixion, and how is must have felt for one part of the three, but yet a part of each of them to be taking on the sins of the world! I can't even fathom that, nor have I ever thought about it.

And then, I thought about the love story intertwined throughout the crucifixion, and that is where I'm stuck. I just finished reading a story about the love shared by a cowboy and a cowgirl. The cowboy is a bull rider because he equates conquering bulls to fighting his anger towards his dad for leaving when he was just a small boy. The cowgirls is a barrel racer who has cystic fibrosis (a lung disease) but loves being on a horse back more than anything in the world. The two fall in love, even though she is only expected to live for a couple of years. The story was amazing, because as I got wrapped up in it, I could feel that the boy would literally do anything for the girl, because he had that much love for her.

then I thought about Christ's love for me and how it doesn't even compare to the boys love for the girl. That's where I'm stuck, that's what I'm thinking about and trying to wrap my mind and heart around. That's what I'm learning.

God is so Good

Raikeeeze's Adventures
So, I had the priveledge of going to a Bible Study with some other girls who are a part of the Extreme Serve team here at camp. The girls on Extreme Serve all perform duties that make camp function, but are hardly ever recognized for it. Their duties include things like working in the kitchen, organizing crafts, working in the office, nannying, etc. The Bible study was amazing!! We're working through the book i am not, but know that I AM by louie giglio (I think that's how you spell it). I totally recommend the book, it's incredible. Anyhow, the book is all about how God is everything, and we are his vessels. It's all about service for Him, how it should look, etc. I was so blessed by the women in the group. The openess and honesty in the group was amazing. My favorite part though was when the leader brought up Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. I realized so often that I try to please men. I like their approval, and being accepted by them, but that shouldn't be my goal in life. If I want to serve Christ, if I want to be His servant, then I need to seek His approval only.

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

Raikeeeze's Adventures: July 2006

Another day, at Camp War Eagle. I've been working as a nanny this session for some of the permanent staff kids and have had the oppotunity to work with a little girl who has Autism. I never thought I could be one of those people who enjoyed work with disabled children, but come to find out, I am. I enjoy solving problems, and working with a little 5 year old who has the mental functioning of a 1 1/2 year old is definitely a challenge. She can't talk the way I talk, instead, her language is a mixture of sounds and noises (i.e. eh, ah, kis, etc.) But each sound has a meaning, and each meaning is important to her. She loves it when people talk to her in her own language, even though all they can do is repeat what she says.

Despite her disabilities, she is truly a special child. It has been a joy to watch her grow and explore at camp from the feeling of sand inbetween her toes, to the smell of horses, to me helping her complete a front roll in the gymnastics center. I can tell that she is taking in everything and it is all being logged into a special part of her mind. It is a good reminder for me that I need to continue to live each day with that kind of excitement. I need to enjoy life and take everything in because I will never have another day like today.

Camp Adventures

Well, here I am working at Camp War Eagle for the summer. It will definitely be a different summer, but I love the camp atmosphere. I love the energy, the crazy chants, the great sleep (hahaha), but mostly I love the kids and watching them change throughout the duration of camp. I enjoy being able to be a small part of their lives. It is amazing to watch God work through my weaknesses and use me even when I am so tired I don't think I can go one anymore. More adventurous stories to come...