The Weekend

This past weekend was one of the craziest weekends ever, but it was great. Once a year some of my closest girl-friends all get together and spend 3-4 days somewhere. We started the tradition my freshman year of college and have kept it up. I've been to Jefferson, TX; a bed and breakfast in Fort Smith, AR; camping at Pedernales Falls, TX; on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico and this year to Fort Worth, TX. I look forward to these weekends every year and always walk away with great memories (and pictures).

This year was different from any other year because it was the last girls weekend with all 5 of us for awhile (plus, my twin sister being married through a new element in the mix as well). Anna leaves for 2 months of training at the end of April, then she's off to Thailand for 2 years as part of the Journeyman program with the IMB. We decided girl's weekend might have to take place overseas in the coming years considering out of the 5 girls who attend, 3 of us have a heart for missions and plan to be overseas within the next few years. We'll see how that dream pans out =).

Pictures from girls weekend will be coming soon.

After a wonderful time with the girls, I headed to the church to get ready for our variety night. I was part of two acts. The first, a singing quintet. The church calls us the "Fab Five". That's our entire church pastoral staff. From left to right: Blake Barbe (youth pastor), me, Josh Bailey (worship leader), Don Geiger (pastor), and Tony Gomillion (pastor for ministry development).

We sang Choo Choo Ch'Boogie, a fun up beat song. I think it was cruel to stick me next to the tallest person, oh well, I was thankful Josh was on the other side =).

The second, and my favorite of the two was a ballet routine by 4 of my little girls. They were definitely the highlight of the evening and stole the show. How can you not love them, just look at how cute they are.

Sunday night I got home and, after family prayer time, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

On a different note, things in Kenya have taken a turn for the worse. Though a power-sharing arrangement was agreed upon, and the position of Prime Minister created and given to Odinga, the details of how much power the position holds are not going smoothly. The ODM has declared that if a suitable compromise is not reached by Thursday, they will hold nationwide protests. The last time protests of this kind were held it resulted in the loss of thousands of innocent lives and the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people. Please pray that both opposing parties will reach an agreement and stop dragging their feet while the country they're fighting for power over hangs in such a delicate state. Continue to pray for peace for the nation of Kenya and safety for those there.

Love and Joy

I'm part of a women's Bible study and right now we're going through Beth Moore's study Breaking Free. It has been such a good study so far and I've learned so much. This past week we talked about love and the difference between agape love and phileo love. I've heard sermon's about this before, but it was a good reminder. Agapao love is "to esteem, to love indicating a direction of the will, to find one's joy in something/someone, to love in best interest." As opposed to phileo love which is "brotherly love, to love with common interest." Agapao requires sacrifice and is a decision you have to make. Whereas phileo love is much more common because it is a common/shared interest love.

Anyhow, through this discussion about love, Beth quoted Oswald Chambers, "No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first." That quote made me think: "how satisfied is my heart with God?" Two friends of mine got married this weekend. Being part of their wedding day was wonderful and difficult all at the same time. I'm so happy for the couple on their special day, yet I become extremely dissatisfied with being single. God and I always have to talk for awhile after weddings =). During those talks, He reminds me that I need to love (agapao) him with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of my strength. That was a difficult task for me this weekend (though I think I hid it pretty well). However, I have the ability to love God that much because He first loved me. He demonstrates His love to me daily and it is every bit of the definition of agapao above. Beth Moore's discussion about love was a fresh reminder and I was grateful. Funny how God can use a video of Beth Moore to speak comfort to my soul.

Yesterday, a friend and I were talking about the Bible study and what we had taken away from it. We got around to talking about the joy that comes along with loving God. I love meeting people who I can tell AGAPAO God. I always feel blessed from my time with them because their joy with their Lord overflows. I so desire to be one of those people. To be a fool for God...that's my dream, what I daily strive for. I want to radiate with God's joy and love, even in the difficult times.

I'm still working through keeping my heart in the States and not overseas. Still learning multiple lessons and how to glorify God. If I'm here for nothing else than to learn how to love God, that is a worthy cause. As my friend Lara says, "If I can give no other objective or goal for my time at home, let it be that my heart presses on in love."

When Will It End?

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of god so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" -Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)

I was out of town this weekend without access to the internet. For a few days I was able to pretend that this country across the sea I've grown to love was back to normal. Afterall, the latest update I had read said that Odinga and Kibaki had met. They were seen smiling for the cameras, so that meant peace and normalcy were right around the corner, right?

When I made it home late Saturday night and checked my email, reality slapped me in the face. Things did not get better over the weekend, instead they got worse. The death toll is now close to 900, and though the government was wanting to close the refugee camps this week, now they're going have to expand them due to the increased number of victims from this war.

What are the politicians doing to help? NOTHING!! Rather than discussing what they can do to end the violence, they just argue about who started the violence. They sit around contemplating what next barb to throw at the opposition, while the people of Kenya are in the middle of a war. One that seems to be spiraling out of control!

This is not a war we can fight with our hands, but it is one we must choose to fight in prayer. Praise the Lord that everyone in the TI compound, as well as all the children TI supports are safe. Please continue to pray for the safety. And continue to pray for peace in Kenya.

Here's the same verse, different version:

"That about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. this is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."
-Ephesians 6:10-12 (The Message)

World Mandate 2008

This weekend I attended a annual conference in Waco, TX called World Mandate. My first time at World Mandate was last year and God got ahold of me and changed my life. You can read previous blogs about it.

This year, the conference was held at Baylor University. There's something powerful about being in a room with 3,100 other people who are seeking God and worshipping Him. During the hour of worship I could sit, stand, jump, dance, raise my hands, get on my knees, scream and shout, etc. to worship the King, my heavenly Father. I love that freedom of expression.

This year I experienced a new level in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Saturday night, with a broken heart I wrote out this prayer:

Lord, my heart breaks when I think about the nations.

I'm blinded by tears from the pain and the suffering that is in this world.

There is a deep groaning in me for people to come to know You.

Here I am Lord, send me.

To the ends of the earth, to my next door neighbor, wherever YOU need me.

Lord, search me and know my heart.

I'm Yours, through the good times and the bad,

through the sunshine and the rain,

through the dessert and the cool waters.

You have set me apart for Your glory, use me as You will.

I'm here, and I'm willing.

I don't want to be lukewarm.

I don't want to be content.

I want to be a mighty vessel for You, a blessing to the nations of the world.

I'm broken Lord.

My heart is breaking for Your children to know You.

For those in bondage, chained to things of the world.

Lord, I want Your freedom for them.

I want Your joy, Your peace, Your love to fill them.

I desire for them to receive Your healing, Your restoration.

I want them to live a life of liberty, a life in adoration of You.

USE ME to proclaim Your truth.

It's the cry of my heart to follow You; wherever You lead.

I want to be a fool for You.

SEND ME!

After I wrote out this prayer, I crumbled onto my knees and began to sob before the Lord. I was hurting for people of the world who have no idea who Jesus is; ready to leave everything behind and jump on a plane; questioning why I was still in the states; beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision to stay. Suddenly, I began to laugh. In the midst of my mourning a peace filled my heart and joy washed over me. What a sight I must have been, red-eyes, tear stained cheeks, snot all over my sleeves...I went from crying for a good 15 minutes to laughing uncontrollably. All the questions and "what-ifs" disappeared and I knew that my time to go would come. I'm in the states for this time of life, and I'm going to learn and grow while I'm here while looking forward to what God has in store for my future.

A 3 Year Olds Wisdom

Throughout my life I've learned that sometimes God uses the simplest things to teach me something new, or remind me of a truth. This happened again last night.

Fiona Bailey (our worship pastors 3 year old daughter) said "thank you" after receiving a toy from a friend without being prompted by me. I always make a big deal when kids use manners, especially when they do it on their own. So, once again I said, "Fiona, it makes me so happy when you use your manners. More importantly, it makes God happy."

Fiona then looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, what makes you sad?" We've had this conversation many times before. I tell her that she just made me and God happy, and she always replies "what makes you sad?" Normally, to this simple question I reply, "When you don't use your manners it makes me sad." But yesterday for some reason I decided to go with something different, "When the world seems all messed up and I don't feel like there's anything I can do to make it better, that makes me sad."

Then Fiona, in all of her three year old wisdom, looked at me and said, "Miss Lauren, God has the world in His hands so He can fix it." Then she ran off to play with the other kids and I sat down, stunned at the simple words, yet the deep truth behind them. That's one of the reason why I love working with kids, they remind me what it's like to have childlike faith and trust.

This is Fiona, she's pretty cute and apparently full of wisdom =)

Letting Go

It has now been 11 days since the rioting in Kenya began. 11 days of people suffering from the tension and fear that lingers in the air. Though just a week and half, 11 days is a long time to be living in a community where you're not sure if the neighbor you used to talk to is your friend or enemy. It's a long time to wonder if when you leave your home, you'll be able to return safely. It's a long time to wonder a riot is going to erupt and you're going to get caught in the middle of it.

Yesterday, (Sunday) I was starting to feel the weight of the 11 days, and I live in Dallas, TX, 8534 miles away from Kitale (I looked the distance up online). During the past 11 days there were times when Kenya came to mind and I felt as though I was just repeating a set of phrases without having my heart truly engaged. There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night, not sure what to pray for. Then there were times when I felt prayed out.

As I was sending out the latest blog from my friend, trying to keep others informed, something inside of me snapped and I felt like crying. I held off the tears until our family prayer time an hour later and I was talking to my family about it I basically just broke down. I realized it was the first time I had allowed myself to truly cry. Tears had trickled down my cheeks before as I read stories and looked at pictures, but I had never cried. My sweet little brother (i say little, but he's bigger than me, just younger) came over, put his arm around me and just let me cry. He was also smart enough to bring some kleenexes along with him. It felt really good to release it. I realized I had not truly let go and given it all to God, I was still holding on to some part of it, my dad called me out on that.

I went outside later that night with my guitar and for 2 hours just looked at the stars, prayed and played. It was so good for me. I was able to relinquish control, something that's not easy for me. But as I sat outside and looked at the stars I felt so small, and it felt good to be small. It felt good to let go. Surprise, surprise, right? (wink)

Today as I was cleaning out my collections of email, I ran across this chain letter. Normally I just delete them, but for some reason I decided to open this one. It's a prayer and it was a blessing for me to read and hit on several of the major points I've struggled with over the past 11 days.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

So, though there is still tension in the air. Though there are still police roaming the streets. Though there is still a shortage of some basic commodities. God is at work and He is good, all the time.

In Need of Prayer

Friends,

Kenya is currently in a state of political unrest. I have friends in the country who are in need of prayer. Pray for safety, pray for wisdom, pray for peace.

If you would like more specifics visit http://www.dlipparelli.blogspot.com/

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Selections from Psalm 46

Raikes Christmas Poem

Twas the day of Thanksgiving
and all through the house
The Raikes family was mingling
with Valerie’s new spouse

The wedding took place
on the first of September
Now Nathan Cozart is our fam’s newest member

Nathan and Val live in Tulsa, O.K.
He designs airplanes, and she’s a T.A.
(teacher’s assistant)

Kristen graduated in May from John Brown
She’s co-teaching with mom livin’ in her home town

Working away to pay off her school loans
Then out to the mission field she will roam

Stephen spent his summer
at Camp War Eagle again
Impacting kids for Christ
at this place where he’d been

Performing in musicals for FMT
While attending school
at Criswell and Cedar Valley

Jonathan is also a star on the stage
Frisbee golfing and swing dancing
…it’s all the rage

After receiving his high school diploma in May
He now goes to Cedar Valley every day

Mom and Dad have been busy indeed
With weddings, a surgery and 5 mouths to feed

Before planning Val’s wedding
Mom directed VBS
With 7 classes at 2 co-op’s,
she’s not getting much rest

Still teaching Sunday school,
still hanging with friends
To all of you and your families,
much love she sends

Dad tore a leg muscle and had surgery in June
But he’s moving around
and back singing his tunes

After graduating 2 kids
and giving a daughter away
He’s back at work with his hands every day

Now on to me, oldest kid of this bunch
In May to Kenya, I flew in a crunch

After my travels to kids overseas
I took a job at Redeemer,
and now own church keys

That is the update on life with the Raikes
We spent Thanksgiving with Grandpa
(who makes no mistakes)

We hope and pray your light shines for our Lord
If so, know in heaven your treasures are stored

That is the end of this note I will write
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Blind-Sided Christmas Joy

Odd title, I know, but you'll understand more as you read.

Tuesday morning I woke up and felt the strong need to pray for pre-teen girl, we'll call her Susan. I had been over to Susan's house Monday night to watch her and her younger siblings while her parents went out on a date. Susan's struggling through the need to have "things" and the fact that those "things" bring her happiness. The temporary things of this world have caught her eye and she's seeking them for her joy and satisfaction in life and it's hard to watch. It's hard for me because I see a girl with influence who could make such an impact for Christ if she'll only trust in Him to fill her with joy.

Throughout the morning Susan was on my heart, then I get a call from my sister and brother telling me that I need to pray for Jonathan and a friend of his. That's it, no explanation, no specifics, just the fact that I needed to pray. The urgency of the situation suddenly overcame me so I closed the door to my office, got down on my knees and started fervently praying for my brother. I continued in this manner all day. As the situation would come back to mind or I would become fearful of what circumstances caused this sudden plea for prayer, I would drop down on my knees praying for strength and courage for all parties involved in the situation, including myself. I had to keep reminding myself that God has not given me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and love and self-discipline and I should not be afraid because He's got it under control.

At 8pm that night I finally heard the cause for my prayers. Due to the delicateness of the situation, I can't share the details but it knocked the wind out of me. I had not been supportive of Jonathan in this particular situation, I felt like my brother and I were in this constant struggle because, in my mind, he wouldn't see reason. God definitely humbled me and my judgmental heart Tuesday evening. The situation was partially what I had feared, but hadn't had confirmed. It reminded me of all the hurt and pain that my friends and my siblings friends could be hiding; the secrets that their pride and fear of "what if's" does not allow to be shared. It brought with it an urgency and renewal to be Christs hand's and feet to a hurting world; to be His comforting arms embracing each broken and hurting person that needs Christ's love more than anything.

As if I needed more to contemplate this week, the fact that I was blind-sided this holiday season shook me out of the American "Christmas Spirit". As I sat in my apartment last night thinking of ways to show God's love to these two people a night long ago abruptly came back to mind. In a cave, on a cold night, on the outskirts of a small town, God Himself breathed his first breath of air. There were no comforts, no nurses, no doctors, no bed, no diapers, no medicine for Mary, no money from Joseph, and no room for them in the Inn. They had sheep. They had smelly, stinky sheep. They were likely surrounded by straw and manure. God as an infant was completely dependent on a young teenage peasant girl for everything. As the story flooded my mind I was reminded me of how much God loves the world and how much He sacrificed to display that unconditional love.

It brought me back to why I celebrate this season. It's not the fact that it gets cold outside, I can finally wear my winter wardrobe. It's not because I can drink hot drinks and sit by a fire. It's not because neighborhoods become friendly and colorful with the twinkle of Christmas lights. It's not that my family comes together. It's not because I get time off work, or gifts, or an abundance of cookies, food, and free holiday performances. I don't get a warm cozy feeling because I simply like this time of year. Though all that is a part of my Christmas season each year, and though yes, I do enjoy it...all of it would be meaningless without Christ. I love the holiday season because my cup seems to continually overflow with joy.

That joy swept over me last night as I was working through a plan of action and just beginning to feel the weight of the task ahead. When the possibilities began to seem unreachable, I was reminded of what God sacrificed when He reached out to this lost and hurting world. God's love and power is enough. Though the road ahead won't be an easy one I'm going to face it head on, because I know I'm fighting on the right side.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about either of these situations. There are two hurting and confused people right here within my reach and I need to take action. Prayer would be greatly appreciated for both of these situation and for me as I seek how to implement what God lays on my heart.

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart (you know the rest)

Have you ever been so full of joy you felt like you were going to explode? I had that feeling today. The past 24 hours have just been so full of life and love. I decided to lead a trip to Pachuca, Mexico this summer. The trip will take place in June and I had that feeling that I made the absolute right decision when I committed. After my normal busy Wednesday night ministries, I went to coffee house. It’s a college/singles ministry my church has on Wednesday nights. It was open mic night, meaning I got to hear some incredibly talented musicians and just talk and enjoy my friends all around me. I got to have 3 solid conversations with friends who I hadn’t spent much time with recently. It was such a blessing. I stayed until the night was over and left not feeling a bit tired, but so grateful. I came home and was able to talk to a friend in Africa for awhile, also a blessing. When I crawled into bed life felt so utterly complete.

This morning, I woke up before my alarm went off. Rather than regret my late night, I was full of energy and ready to start my day. I spent some quality time with God, and got to work early. I had lunch with my sister and we got to talk and catch up. She is on the ground floor of a Muslim ministry getting started at my church that several young people are involved in. Late this afternoon I had a meeting with our missions coordinator and Barbara Baker, she’s our missionary in Pachuca, Mexico. Talking to her and learning about the culture and customs, ideas for ministry while we’re there, etc. After my time with Barbara and Paul ended in prayer, my dear friend Meredith called and informed me that she had been offered a position on our missions committee. I left the church office feeling like I was floating on cloud nine.

I feel like our church is at a point of transition. We’re transitioning into a new generation. Leaders in my generation (my close friends) are rising up, and the church leadership is taking notice and giving them the leadership they’re eager for. And I LOVE it!!

The day was finished off with dinner with my family, then a little praise and worship time on my own at my apartment. My heart is so full of joy I can’t even describe it, but I thought I’d share my joy. I hope and pray your life is as full of joy as mine has been these past 24 hours. God’s goodness and love has just blown me away and I’m so thankful I’m His child.

The Waiting Place

Have you ever read the Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places You'll Go"? I feel like I'm in the waiting place of Dr. Seuss' story. Here it is just in case you haven't, it's a fun book:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU  are the gal who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets.  Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,don't worry.  Don't stew.
Just go right along. You'll  start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true
Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF  you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
            
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a  train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a better break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some  times you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.

All  Alone! Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul
On you will go though your enemies prowl
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact
and remember that life's a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never  mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Right now, I find myself in the waiting place, and though I don't find it useless, I am ready to move on. There is so much I want to do with my life, but I feel God saying "wait". I want to go to Kenya again, but I'm not sure it will happen this summer. I was approached recently about leading a small trip to Mexico to visit some of my church's missionaries down there, so I'm thinking and praying about that possibility. The possibility just got presented and again, nothing is nailed down yet, but I don't know if I could leave in May for Kenya then turn around the leave at the end of June for Mexico. Plus, I don't know if I can take that much time off. And what about VBS?

If I could, I'd drop everything and move out of the US today. So, going back again, maybe even for a longer time sounds like my dream come true, but just because it's my dream, doesn't mean it's in God's plan for my life at this point, in the future, maybe (hopefully) but I don't know about
right now.

Obviously, I have a lot to think and pray about. A piece of my heart is still in Kenya, but I can't just discard the opportunity to lead a trip to Mexico because I love Kenya. This trip to Mexico could open the eyes of several more people to the world of missions and the need in third world countries. So, I'm waiting, for what, I'm not sure yet, but I'm waiting.

I know I don't want to do children's ministry in the US for the rest of my life, but right now, I'm here waiting on God. I've only been back in the US for 7 months and I'm already growing impatient for a response. I know I'm not supposed to stay here, but I don't know where I'm supposed to go. I don't even know if I should know where I'm supposed to go first, or if
I should just jump on a plane and figure it out once I'm out of the US. Right now, I'm committed to being here, in Dallas, TX, and waiting for God to answer. I'm just waiting, with the hope the knowledge that God won't call me to wait forever. I just need to trust in His timing. I'll leave "the Waiting Place" as Dr. Seuss calls it sometime, and then who knows where I'll go =).

on suffering (a blog from my friend Lara)

Is there not wrong too bitter for atoning?
What are these desperate and hideous years?
Hast Thou not heard Thy whole creation groaning,
Sighs of a bondsman and a woman's tears?
-F.W.H. Meyers

"The problem of pain," as C.S. Lewis titled it with his book on suffering, has been rattling around in me these three months, knocking its way through the hallways of my mind, tipping over tomes of theology I thought I had arranged quite nicely. (I used that word for you, Andrew.)

I can't claim to have anything new--gosh, C.S. Lewis wrote a book on it. But here are some thoughts:

Pain hurts. And we do not know why. Why pain, why hurt. If I imagine pain's arrival in Kolkata, I see him holding a very large suitcase, a suitcase he immediately unlatched and shook, letting fears and tears and broken bones and hungry bellies scatter aross the alleys and streets of this city. Whenever I arrived in Kolkata, with my very tiny suitcase of hope and goodwill and dreams, I took one look around the place and wanted to sit in a corner and cry. Nothing I had seen in my safe and sterile past prepared me for this.

Pain and suffering aren't things the church talks about all that much. The American church the least, probably. There is no blame to place or finger to point. The larger part of our culture just doesn't have to--or perhaps more accurately, doesn't want to--deal with it.

In her book, A Path Through Suffering, Elisabeth Elliot writes this:

Suffering, even in its mildest forms--inconvienence, delay, disappointment, discomfort, or anything else that is not in harmony with our whims and preferences--we will not tolerate. We even reject and deny it.

This is me. This has been me even in India. Always looking for ways to preserve self, to settle myself in comfortably, to watch out for me. I do it so naturally.

Then I read snippets in the Bilbe, snippets that jolt me with their dissonance to the way I am living.
"though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials"
"in this world you will have trouble"
"but it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him"

It's like I am living in a different reality. When I live by the reality of this world, suffering makes absolutely no sense. When I believe more in earth than I believe in eternity, suffering sinks me. The ship goes down fast when I see children without mothers, men without limbs, women without escape.

Why pain? Why hurt?

Here I learn, some days most harshly, other days more gently, that suffering is something from which I cannot hide. There will be no cowering in the closet until all the dark clouds pass.

Elisabeth says this also,

"I know of no answer to give to anyone except the answer given to all the world in the cross. It was there that the Great Grain of Wheat died not that death should be the end of the story, but that it should be the beginning of the story."

I have nothing more than this either. Jesus suffered. Jesus hurt. At whatever depth to which the world's most intense pain settles, Jesus went to that depth. Yes, He has heard the whole creation groaning. Even this night, when I will try to meet sleep again as questions flit and dip through me, He hears.

Now, as He died, to change the meaning of death to a signal of life, of rebirth,

am I willing to die?

CPR, Frist Aid, Christmas Presents and Prayer

What an odd title for a blog? How on earth do those things correspond with each other? Glad you asked, let me tell you...

Last week I made a morning commute through Dallas traffic to downtown Dallas where I took a CPR Instructor class. The class was from 8am-6pm, Tuesday-Friday and was mostly lecture (a fact I was unaware of before signing up for the class). My motivation for taking the class has many facets.

1. I currently work at Redeemer Bible Church as their Children's Director and I want at least one volunteer in every classroom to be CPR/First Aid certified, plus I think it's important for our staff to be certified in case of an emergency.
2. I've been taking some kind of First Aid course since I was 13. Whether it be babysitters training, CPR, First Aid, Lifeguarding, Wilderness First Responder, etc. I've been certified in some area related to first aid, and God like to use my knowledge apparently because I'm continually having to utilize what I've learned.
3. Red Cross is internationally recognized as an "Aide" organization. My certification can grant me access into countries simply because I'm associated with Red Cross. I can also train people internationally.
   

All those motivators kept me awake and attentive throughout the class. I passed the test and now am I proud owner of an instructor card (which I plan to laminate). My certification allows me to teach a host of classes. From CPR to First Aid to Wilderness Training to Babysitters training...and the list goes one. Then one I'm most excited about is Wilderness Training, it just sounds exciting!! So that wraps up the CPR/First Aid portion of this blog, now onto Christmas Presents.

On Sunday, November 11th, my mother had the brilliant idea to invite our family over to stuff and wrap Operation Christmas child presents. I will do these every year because I have a friend who was in Thailand when the presents were delivered and her stories and pictures of the kids will always motivate me to participate in Operation Christmas Child. Anyhow, my family enjoys getting together, but we usually make it revolve around a holiday or birthday, so revolving it around a service project was new. The day was such a success!! We planned to stuff 4 boxes, 2 for boys and 2 for girls, but my family brought so many toys, pens, pencils, paint, etc. that we ended up filling 9 boxes and still had supplies left over! The day was made a success because it gave us a bridge to talk to my family about God in a non-threatening way. When asked where the boxes go and why we're stuffing boxes, my mother, sister and I were able to share bits of the Gospel with my family.

One moment that I stick with me for awhile was when my Grandma asked why we were stuffing so many boxes. My mother responded, "because God calls us to care for orphans and widows so we're going to follow His command." My Grandma was a little thrown off by her response, but it hit home and I was so proud of my mom for not taking the easy way out.

While this might not seem like a very big deal to many of you, it was a turning point for my immediate family. We're not stepping down anymore and settling for whatever our extended family will give us, we're taking charge. There's a sense of urgency now and I love it!! After years and years of prayer we're finally starting to see fruit. I was at my Aunt's house the other day to wish my cousin "good luck" before her volleyball try outs and before I could come up with the idea, my Aunt called us over to her and said, "We need to pray". I was almost moved to tears. That statement is one you would hear used in MY family, not my AUNT'S family. It was a joyous moment. We sat down and for 10 minutes prayed for my cousin's try outs and her ministry on whatever team she made.

God's faithfulness to answer my prayers shone through at that moment and it's sparked in me a flame to pray more fervently. I was talking to a friend who's also felt the need to pray more and she said, "when I want something in this life I keep at. If I want to meet with someone, I'm going to keep asking that person until they make time for me. But I'm not that way with God." I'm not either. I pray, but not with a sense of urgency, not with an unquenchable passion. When I lift up things that are specifically connected to my heart and life I feel a sense of urgency, but not with everything. It's a phenomenon I'm still dealing with. But despite that I'm committed to spending more dedicated, focused time in prayer.

That's an update on me. It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Pictures will be arriving soon.

God Bless!!

Soothing to my soul

Lately, I've been desiring a community of friends. I have friends in the DFW area, but they all live at least 25 minutes away from me. I hadn't realized how blessed I'd been to have a community of close friends basically dropped in my life all my life. Now, I'm having to search them out and was beginning to feel discouraged. Then this weekend arrived, and though I still haven't found a close group of friends, my thirst for them got a big drink.

My weekend started on Thursday. I took half a day off, and headed to the state fair with my family and friend. I hadn't been to the fair since my senior year of high school, so going back was different, but great. This is "Big Tex" every 30 minutes or so he greets everyone at the fair, he's been around since 1952, he's an old man!! Between the 8 people I was with, I think we tried ever kind of fair food possible - corn dogs, onion strings, tornado taters, turkey legs, funnel cakes, tamales, deep fried banana pudding, etc. It's been awhile since I've eaten that much grease, my body revolted because I didn't feel good the rest of the night. But hanging out and continuing to build up my relationships with my family and friends was wonderful.

Friday was supposed to be my night to pray for Muslims around the world. So, as usual, my sister Kristen and I jumped in the car and headed off to North Dallas. The problem was that when we arrived, no one was there. Jared and Bethany, the two people who are essentially in charge of this group got caught up in planning "A Night in SE Asia" for Frontiers ministries 25th anniversary and forgot to inform the rest of the group that we weren't meeting. So we all showed up, were all surprised that no one was home, but rather than go our separate ways, we fellowshipped with one another. Kristen and I stood around talking with Matt and Tabitha for almost an hour. We talked about their next step in raising support full-time so they can go out on the mission field. We talked about our passions for reaching other people groups. we talked about the upcoming "Night in SE Asia" that we're all attending and what we were looking forward to. The time seemed to pass by so quickly, and I was so blessed by our conversation.

After we said our goodbyes, Kristen and I headed to White Rock Coffee House to hear Matt Bridgman perform. We walked into the sound of many "hellos" from some of the college students who attend out church. After a round of hugs and brief conversations, Kristen and I headed upstairs with our hot chai to enjoy each other's company as well as the music. Much to our delight Matt's dad, Shawn, came upstairs to join us. As we talked our conversation turned from the shallow "how are you?" to a true "how are YOU?". What a blessing it was. We talked about our church and things we appreciate about the body, and things we would like to see happen in the coming years. We talked about some of our struggles in life and how it's okay to share our struggles with one another, that's what makes us part of the body of Christ. It was such a blessing to hear a father in the church had the same perspective I did. Kristen and I ended up venturing downstairs to talk with Matt's mom, Renee. Again, I was blessed by my conversation with this woman. We talked about missions and her passion for the world. We talked about our own passions and where we saw God working in our lives. She invited us over to her home anytime, and I know she means it. My sister has ventured over there before at 2am and walked into Renee making pancakes for them. All of these conversations took place while I listened to Matt play his guitar and sing. The final song was based on Psalms 130:5-6

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning
more than watchmen for the morning

What a beautiful picture of waiting for God. Looking for Him, more than a tired graveyard shift watchmen looks for the morning. That was just Friday.

Saturday, I attended a Mad Hatters Tea Party in memory of one of my friends mothers. Women from all mile-makers in my life were there and we were all wearing hats! It was a wonderful time for me to fellowship with other women and enjoy their company.

Saturday evening, I volunteered my time to Frontier Mission's 25th Anniversary celebration, "A Night in SE Asia" (mentioned previously). The dinner was held at the Gaylord Texan: Resort Hotel and Convention Center. I've never been in a hotel this big before, and truthfully, though it's massiveness was impressive, I didn't feel comfortable. It seemed unnecessary to have something so large. They even had a separate entrance for "Stars" I took of picture of it, just because it's not a sign you see everyday. But the hotel and convention center was packed. It was good to hear about what God is doing in other countries and to visit with people who want to change the world. I even met a couple who told me they were so encouraged to see so many young people at the event because they don't feel called to "go", but they can "send".

All in all, my weekend was jam packed, and I was completely exhausted afterwards, but it was fulfilling, and much needed. It gave me the tenacity to keep searching, but also to capitalize on the relationships I already have and take the time to talk with people. I hope many more weekends like this follow. I have a few pictures I'll post later.

Isaiah 61:1

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me,
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound."

This verse is written on a little card that I have been carrying around with me for 2 weeks now. For fourteen days I have looked at this verse everyday, multiple times a day, memorizing it, searing it in my heart, grappling with how to apply it in my life.

Last week I watch a documentary film called Glue Boys (www.glueboys.com). The film centers around 9 boys who live on the streets of Kitale, Kenya and sniff glue to ward off hunger pains and the cold night air. Though filmed in Kitale, the picture also encompasses street children all over the world who turn to glue for "relief".

As I watched the film with tears streaming down my face two emotions waged a war inside me. The first was a breaking heart. Now, I know that's not really an "emotion", but it is something I distinctly felt, so go along with me. The second emotion was anger. A deep, bordering on hateful anger at companies who provide the glue, knowing it goes to street kids, just so they can make a profit.

How do these two strings of thought relate? The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. Children who live on the street are among the poorest of the poor. They have no where to sleep. They rarely have any possessions other than the clothes on their back. They scavenge in trash piles for something to eat, hoping it doesn't make them sick. You can't get much poorer than that.

But what breaks my heart the most is that most street children choose to live on the streets. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. These children choose this lifestyle because they are bound to the glue. They are captive to the illusion of freedom life on the street brings. They are in a prison they have created and often don't want to leave. Though convicted of my hatred towards companies who knowingly provide glue to street children, anger still burns within me. How dare multi-million (maybe even billion) dollar companies take advantage of innocent children. There are ways to make the glue irritable to nasal passages, yet still effective for its intended purpose. But companies, corrupted by the desire for wealth, refuse to make such changes to their product.

There are homes all over the world dedicated to giving children the chance to get off the streets. But they often run away from these homes because the kingdom of the world tells them that glue is easier. The world feeds them the lie that sniffing glue will solve the problems life on the street brings. It will erase the memories, the hunger pains, and the cold, and eventually kill them. Glue will eventually kill any child who habitually sniffs it. But it does more than kill them physically, it kills their innocence. It kills their warmth. It kills their hearts. Glue takes away from them the chance to be a child.

Why do I care? According to the world's standards their presence on the streets shouldn't affect me, but it does. Granted, I haven't traveled many places where I have been struck by the poverty surrounding me, but I have seen a 3 year old, barefoot little boy on the street, clothed in only a t-shirt, and looking in a pile of trash for some food. I have seen children so thin their rib cage protrudes out from their body. And I have seen multiple kids walking around on the streets, a glue bottle tucked inside their sleeve, so "high" they can't even walk straight. Though I don't see these children in my everyday life, I love them. I don't want them to be on the street, imprisoned by their desire for glue. I want them to go to bed every night with a full stomach and warm covers. I want them to live in the freedom Christ offers.

What happens now? Where do I go from here? I go to the ONLY place I can, down on my knees. Praying for their freedom, and spiritually backing up anyone who is trying to help.

Weekend Adventures

This past weekend was jam packed with fun times!

Friday night, my sister and her husband came down for my cousin's wedding and stayed the weekend with us. It was so great to see them again. This is my sister and me at the wedding. I miss her alot!!



Saturday night we headed off to the Mesquite Rodeo. Can you believe I've lived in Mesquite for close to 15 years now and this was my first time to go to the Mesquite Rodeo? My family always planned to go when I was busy. It was fun. This is the gang that went to the rodeo with us.

The rodeo was so much fun!! Totally corny at times, but so much fun! I've decided some cowboys are just asking to get hurt. They play this game at the rodeo called bull poker. They sit four cowboys around a card table, then let an angry bull loose in the area. The last cowboy out of his chair wins. You can look at the pictures below.

It was so great to have our entire family together again. With all the changes that took place in my life, processing through my family not being in one location was one of those things I pushed aside. Having Valerie and the dynamic she brings back in our family...well it's making me work through that change. I really missed her, didn't know how much until she came back.

Anyhow, that was my weekend. Full of good life lessons and lots of fun times.

New Scriptural Lenses

Friday night I again traveled with my sister to North Dallas to attend Oasis Prayer (Muslim prayer time). Friday was a special night because we were blessed to have a man named Nabeel Jabbour with us. Nabeel works with The Navigators and specializes in Eastern thought. He explained to us that there are 4 paradigms in the Bible that we use to teach scripture. 1) guilt and righteousness, 2) shame and honor, 3) clean and unclean, 4) fear and power. He told us that as westerners we latch onto the guilt and righteous paradigm because it follows a logical progression. Most of us are familiar with the Roman Road because it also follows the logical progression, and that it how many of us tell unbelievers about Christ. However, Muslims do not feel guilt. I know, weird phenomenon, but they don't ever feel guilty. So if I explain the gospel to them using the Roman road, or really any of Paul's epistles, it doesn't stick with them because they can't connect with the guilt righteousness paradigm.

When Paul wrote his epistles, he wrote them to the Greeks. When Jesus was speaking about the kingdom of heaven He did not tell people about a step by step process, He spoke in parables because He spoke to the Hebrews. Jesus' parables contain a wealth of information that Easterners can relate to. Though they don't feel guilty, they do feel unclean and shameful. That is the root of their concern and when you speak to them about cleanliness, or honor it hits home and settles in their heart.

Nabeel walked us through several parables to teach us what to look for when reading the Bible with these new scriptural lenses. The most powerful parable was that of the prodigal son. I had never heard the story explained the way Nabeel explained it, but it makes perfect sense. When I read the story with the shame/honor paradigm in mind and know just even a little bit about the culture in those times, the story came to life in a way it never had before. It refreshed me and drew me closer to Jesus because I could see how this story was alive, and still impacted so many people. A story I once regarded as a child's story; a good Sunday school lesson, now has new meaning and lessons for me to learn.

It also provokes questions that need to be answered:

How does this story parallel the life of Jesus? In my mind, I'm the prodigal son. I grasp onto the sin of entitlement, I think I am "entitled" to my wants/desires. I am a sinner, who thankfully was broken and came back to my heavenly father, hoping He would accept me as His servant. Instead of rejecting me, as He should have done, He runs to greet me, not caring if He looks like a fool. He opens His arms and accepts me into His family, and all heaven rejoices that I have come. The older brother is a like the pharisees. He works hard, obeys the laws, but does not understand mercy and grace. He does not think I deserve such treatment, for I have done nothing to earn it, and he's right. I have done nothing to deserve God's love, but He continually gives it to me.

Why does the story abruptly end? We never find out what happens. I want to know how the older brother reacts. But the story is just cut off after the father's gentle rebuke to his oldest son. If we're still paralleling this to the life of Christ, then here's what happens in my imagination. The older son leaves his father's home angry and upset and the father goes back into the house to serve the guests at the party. While in town the son starts spreading lies about his father, wanting to drag his reputation through the mud. He wants people to despise his father the way he does, so he'll tell them anything to make them attack him, which they do. The people attack and crucify him, even though he committed no sin. The son is the pharisees, while the father is Jesus. I have no biblical basis for this thought, but it's how I imagine the story unfolding.

I took 4 pages of notes during this 45 minute lecture. It was refreshing to be in a learning environment, and I was reminded that I'm always in a learning environment, if I'm only patient enough to listen. God graciously reveals Himself to me in new ways all the time, I just need to look at my life and the world through His eyes, not my own.

God's ways continually amaze me. I was so nervous the first time I traveled to this prayer meeting, that I felt sick to my stomach, I didn't want to be stretched or pulled outside my comfort zone. Now, just one week later the group, through God's grace, is enriching my life and giving me a fresh perspective on Bible lessons I've heard since I was a child. God is so good!!

Fellowship and Prayer

This past Friday night, my friend Meredith, my sister Kristen and I attended a prayer meeting. The specific prayer time focused on Muslims around the world during ramadan. On our way to north dallas, I was beginning to feel a little un-easy. I don't have a heart for Muslims; they aren't a people group I'm passionate about and I don't know much about them. Plus, many times I believe the lie Satan feeds me that my prayers are inadequate and insufficient. We arrived late to Bethany's, and walked in on the group already deep in prayer. Feeling even more uncomfortable at this, I quietly made my way through the room, sat down and started talking to God. My plea, was that my heart would be engaged and not down cast and that I would not allow myself to be distracted during this time.

After Matt ended his prayer, we introduced ourselves to the group. There was a total of 9 people in the room, including the 3 of us. Matt, his wife Tabbitha and their 5 week old daughter Abigail. Bethany, John Mark, and Jared. We briefly talked about ourselves, and then Jared brought us back on track. Praying with people I do not know is something I'm learning to become comfortable with, but I'm not there yet, so my plan was to listen to everyone's prayers and keep my thoughts between me and God. I tried not to panic when Jared handed me a pamphlet on praying around the world for Muslims during ramadan, and said we were all going to pray for a specific country. As the prayed I would remain calm and when my turn came around, I found myself speaking from my heart. It was a very powerful experience, I don't know where the words came from, but they just flowed out.

During our fellowship time, Kristen, Meredith and I mentioned that we would like to empower the younger generation of our church to reach out to the community and to become involved in church life, but how we were struggling with getting the older generation to support us in that effort. There are so many ministry opportunities around the DFW area, we just need to find the place where God wants us. The group covered the 3 of us in prayer and I walked away from the night feeling as if I could conquer the world.

As the prayer night ended and we talked I was reminded that when I pray, I need to pray with confidence; I need to expect things to happen when I pray. I so often forget what a powerful tool prayer is. Christ tore the veil the separated us from God when he died on the cross, giving us full access to God's ear. Why do I doubt? I know the answer to that question, but I don't want to accept it, and I don't have to. There is no reason to doubt, no reason to prayer without confidence. I serve a mighty God who can accomplish whatever I ask of Him.

I was also reminded that it doesn't matter if I have a heart for Muslims or not. The Lord calls me to prayer for those who do not know him. That's part of being a member of the body of Christ. It's supporting my sister in her passions and empowering her. It's being connected to a new group of people who I'm instantly drawn to because we're part of Christ's family. God wants my heart to break with the things that break His heart, so whether or not I'm passionate about Muslims, I both can and need to pray for them. It's a lesson I learned that I hope to never forget.

Life's Changes

Last month, I was a 23 year old who had just finished her second summer at Camp War Eagle, and was the director of a follow-up ministry called "Ozone". This month, I have left Arkansas, moved to Dallas, had my twin sister get married, move into an apartment by myself and started a new job as the director of children's ministry. All that to say, this past month has been a whirlwind with lots of emotional ups and downs. But I'm stronger because of it, as cliche as that might sound, it's true.

As hard as it was leaving friends who I grew to love and admire in Arkansas, drive down to Dallas, I know now that I made some kind of an impact on their lives. As emotional as it was to be the maid of honor in my sister's wedding, I got to see two people pledge their lives to each other in a pure and holy way that touched the lives of all who attended the wedding. As weird as it is living in an apartment by myself, I'm discovering how precious solitude and stillness are. And finally, as difficult as it was to start a new job, I'm learning more about the body of Christ, and what it means to be a member of that body.

I'm still processing through so many emotions, but finding joy in a sunshiny day, or a child's laugh. I'm also working through what it means to live and minister to this side of the globe, and connect that with a third world country in Africa I know exists. Lots of changes, lots of thoughts and emotions to work through, but lots of lessons learned.

Questions

Well, I just arrived back in the States from Kitale, Kenya. All I want to do is hop back on a plane, travel across the ocean, and get back to Africa. I was told that once I stepped foot in Africa it would forever hold a piece of my heart, well it's true. I fell in love with the culture, the people, even the smells. But now I'm back in the States.

As I stepped off the plane, and into the Denver Airport I was struck by how different my life could be, and how easy it would be to slide back into the normal everyday life I used to live. I have so much here in the states, and I take it all for granted. I took a hot shower today and was amazed at the water pressure and the fact that the water stayed hot.

Now I'm struggling with questions. I have a job lined up here for the next 2-3 years. It's an amazing job, and I would love doing that, but is it where I'm supposed to be? While in Africa, we talked alot about God's will for our lives, and here I am struggling with what it means. What does it look like to follow God's call? How do you know when it is God calling, rather than your own wants and desires? Do you have to pick a path before God's begins closing doors, or should you wait?

Right now, at this point in time, I want to go back to Kenya with my whole heart. I want to participate in an internship program through Transformed International for 3 months. But does what I want, line up with what God wants? Too often I get caught up in my own desires, I think that my will and God's will should align, because I want to do whatever I want to do. But that's not the way it works. I'm tired of asking God what HIS will is for MY life. That still sounds selfish to me, it's a good prayer, but often times I think it is too narrow minded. I want to know what God's will is for my generation. I want to know how God wants my life to fit into His plans for my time.

My dream is to work overseas with children in need. Whether that is in Africa, or India or China or anywhere in between, that is the desire of my heart. So where does that leave me? On my knees...